Domestic abuse results in mental breakdown. There is no physical abuse without mental abuse. There is no sexual abuse without mental abuse. There is no financial abuse without mental abuse. gaslighting is severe mental abuse and anything else that is targeted to destroying your self esteem, your individuality, your independence and your ability to think for yourself, is mental abuse.
The men that abuse women’s minds are doing it to gain control over your thinking process. They do not want you to have an original thought. They want you to agree with their ideas and their thoughts. They do not want you to have any independence. This would be threatening to their control over you.
They want to have someone to dump on and take their anger out on. They want you at their beck and call when they want sex, money or someone to rage at. They want a scapegoat for their mistakes and their faults. Did I say “their” faults? Oh. I forgot…they don’t have any! Not according to them anyway.
If they are incapable of doing something, you must be to blame for it. You are not supportive enough. You are not picking up enough slack at home. You made them angry before they went to work, therefore, it is YOUR FAULT they lost their job! They would have been in a better mood at work and not “acted out” in front of the customer or their co-worker, if you had not caused them to do so.
If they have not had enough sleep, it is…Yep, You guessed it!…YOUR FAULT! again. If they overslept, it was your fault too. If they are low on gas, it is your fault because they drove you to work yesterday.
The narcissist abuser is full of contradictions. You are lazy about taking care of their home, yet you are too ambitious about your job. You are slutty when you wear make-up out of the house, but you are a prude when you are not in the mood to have sex with them (after they have been raging at you.) You are too demanding of their time when you need something but you are too unavailable when they want you.
The mental abuser wants you to feel inferior to them. You are not intelligent enough to understand things, even though you graduated from college and they dropped out of 2 trade schools. You are not as pretty as the other girls he dated but he is kind enough to let that go, because he is a wonderful man.
You do not keep the house clean enough or make dinner from scratch often enough. This is true, even if he is out of work and you are working double to cover his part of the bills. This is true even when he just got fired and you are working extra hours while he sits home and sulks.
You can never ever, never ever be good enough. The house will never be clean enough. The meals will never be good enough. You will never be on time, even when you were ready early, because somehow you caused him to take too long to get out the door.
He is angry when you go to work and acts as if you are going to a party without him. His job is very hard men’s work but your job is just women’s work. You would never understand what REAL work is about. Women just think they work hard!
I was working as a nurse aide in a nursing home once. This is one of the most difficult jobs I have ever done in my life. It is extremely physically demanding because you have to lift people all the time. You are constantly pushed too hard and yelled at by the supervisors. You get attached to the patients and then you watch them die.
My boyfriend said… “Your job is easy. All you do is push wheelchairs around all day!” This was after I had told him many stories about what I had done at work and had come home in extreme pain so many times from injuring myself while lifting someone.
There are constant snide and sarcastic comments at your expense. My ex once said to me “Are you sure you went to college? I don’t know what they taught you there. You can’t even pick out the “right” bread at the grocery store.”
So, yeah! That is life with a mental abuser. I have many stories from my own experience that I will share on this blog. I want to create awareness so that other women can identify the fact that they are being abused or that they were abused in the past.
We lose our self esteem and we feel like we have lost our minds because the abuser has a way of twisting reality around. They constantly change the facts, to suit their purposes. Eventually you begin to question your own sanity, your intelligence and your ability to survive without them.
Let’s collaborate! Let’s put our heads together and figure out whether we are really stupid, crazy, lazy, slutty, and insensitive or if we are truly lovely ladies who have great gifts to offer the world!