This is a link to the video called Narcissist Loves HIs Disorder and Narcissistic Personality. It is by Sam Vaknin, who is the author of Malignant Self-Love Narcissism Revisited. I have read through parts of his book online and it is very good. I have a copy in my Amazon cart now
I think this particular video is important for you to watch, if you are a person that is primed for narcissistic abuse. You are likely primed for narcissistic abuse if you had an abusive childhood, were raised by a narcissist or have C-PTSD.
Any combination or all of those predictors are important for you to be aware of. If you have already experienced narcissistic abuse by one or more partners, then this is an indicator that there is something about your early wiring as a child that set you up for abuse.
It is unfortunate that those of us that were abused, end up in abusive relationships as adults, but the more we learn about narcissism, the more easily we can protect ourselves from future abuse.
The reason that this Sam Vaknin video is important for you to watch, is that he explains why narcissists do not get better. They do not just go to treatment and heal. They do not just decide to change their ways, no matter what they may tell you.
It is typical for abusers to tell their partner that things will be different or worse, that you overestimated the abuse. They want you to believe that it is your mental illness that created your perception of the abuse.
Please watch this video , so that you can understand that they will not get better and that if you stay with them or go back to them, they will only continue to abuse you.
On a personal note, there was something that Vaknin said in this video that struck home with me. He said that some narcissists will admit that something is mentally wrong with them. They do not know that it is narcissism, but they realize that their mental health is damaged.
As a narcissist their approach to the fact that know they are mentally ill, is to blame their illness for everything that is wrong and use their mental illness as an excuse for their behavior. This is what the narcissist that I was recently in a relationship with did.
He blamed having mental illness for his outbursts and other inappropriate behavior. He even went so far as to tell people he had just met that he had mental illness and to just deal with any behaviors that may occur. no matter what he said or did, he always had the “out” of saying “But I am mentally ill and I am suffering. You need to be understanding and help me with whatever it is…anyway.”
I am only mentioning this in case anyone else has been through this. His claim of such tremendous mental suffering was the way that he manipulated me into letting so many things go.
He even did this, in work situations, where he would tell a new employee or consultant that he was mentally ill and they needed to “not do things to trigger him. ” and they also were tole to deal with his behavior because he had no control over it.
I am somewhat curious if I am the only one that has experienced this type of covert narcissist behavior. He also had other excused for his behavior. He would say that he thought he had some kind of spectrum disorder.
He would blame his family. Now, I am sure that his past with his family did cause his narcissistic disorder and I am actually sympathetic to this part.
And he also constantly said that he had a kind of curse on him, like there was an evil force working against him.