If you are still living in an abusive situation, then you need to build your self esteem. Your abuser has been intentionally crushing down your self esteem, in order to keep you a prisoner of the relationship and in order to control you. It is a tactic used by abuser. If you realize this, it will help you.
Tactics used to crush your self esteem include but are not limited to…
1. calling you names
2. embarrassing you in front of others
3. causing you to fail in situations and then criticizing you for failing
4. placing unrealistic demands and expectations on you and then getting angry or seeming disappointed when you cannot fulfill them
5. causing you to feel inferior to them’
6. telling you that you are inferior to others
7. interfering in your relationships
8. criticizing the way you look , your make-up. the way you dress or your weight
9. accusing you of cheating or being slutty
10. telling you that other people do not like you, are against you, cannot be trusted
11. making you feel like you put less into the relationship than they do, even though the opposite is true
12. sleep depriving you
13. interfering with your desires to achieve things, get ahead, get education or work advancement
14. disbelieving things you say
15. accusing you of lying or not remembering things
16. telling you that you are mentally ill
17. manufacturing evidence that you are mentally ill
18. denying that conversations took place
19. denying things they told you or did to you
20. silent treatment
There are many more tactics that the abusers use to make you feel like you should not feel good about yourself. They want to be the only one in your life.
They want you at their beck and call. But they are not their when you need something.
They want you to believe that they are smarter and more educated than they are. They want you to believe that they have a better grip on reality than you do. They do things to make you question your grip on reality.
Anything you can do for yourself that will help you to have better self esteem, and counter all of this soul crushing and demeaning, will help you. It will help you to think your way out of the relationship.
You need self esteem in order to feel worthy of something and someone better. As long as you feel like the inferior one in the relationship, you will probably stay. But you are not the inferior person in your relationship. You are being abused and manipulated.
You will need to get help if some sort. In order to be able to ask for help. you will need to feel that you deserve help, and you do.
Your friends and family may side with the abuser, if he has gotten to them first. The abuser often realizes that if you try to leave, you will try to get help from your family. They will say thing to them, to make it look like you are the mentally ill one or the abuser in the relationship.
You may need to go outside of your circles to get help. You have to believe in yourself and your story. DO not let the abuser tell you whether or not you are being abused. They can say the words, but it does not make it truth. You know what the truth is, but you are being intentionally confused. You have to believe inside of yourself that you are being abused.
If you are reading this then you are probably being abused or have gone through abuse in the past. If the relationship feels bad, gives you anxiety, makes you feel like a different person that you thought you were or makes you feel afraid, then something is not right.
Remember love is caring and kind. Love is patient and understanding. It goes both ways, not just one direction.
If you are doing everything and they are sucking the life out of you, then you are being abused. Do not believe anything the abuser tells you. I am not saying to argue with them, but just know inside of yourself that their truth is tainted with lies.
Learn about abuse. Learn about malignant narcissistic personality disorder. Learn ways to feel worthy and valuable.
How did you feel before the relationship, about yourself? Has your self esteem gone down? Has your self image changed? These are red flags.
My thoughts are with you as you begin to become stronger. Your self esteem, self confidence and knowing that you are worth more than this abuser is giving you, will help you to find a way out and to be able to survive and thrive.
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