Loud sudden noises frighten me and make me jump. I have been wondering why that is and it finally occurred to me that it is the PTSD from domestic abuse.
The way I figured that out was that when I hear loud sudden noises, I cover my face and head. I reach my hands towards my head to protect it. Loud noises are associated in my brain with getting hit. My brain must have wired itself to cover my face when loud sudden noises occur.
It is the same when people reach toward my face. Even if someone is reaching for the ketchup at a dinner table, I feel my hand jumping up to cover my head and face. Hands coming towards me are associated with being hit in the head.
My mother used to hit me in the head at the dinner table, if I said something she did not like.
When I lived with abusive people, they would bang, smash and break things when I did anything that enraged them. Or they would just get enraged all on their own.
The sound of loud noises frightens me because my brain associates them with immediate danger. My brain will then go into a post traumatic stress reaction. The high adrenaline, fight or flight mode.
One of my ex boyfriends hit me in the jaw really hard once. There is still damage to my neck from my head being thrown back, when he hit my jaw from the front. It threw my head and neck backwards. I remember having bruising not just at the impact, but also under my entire jaw line all the way to my ears, on both sides.
I was standing up and he was sitting on a chair about 4 or 5 feet in front of me. He was angry because I was asking him not to get drunk in the house with my kids. He wanted me to give him money to buy beer. I had already given him all I could possibly afford for the week.
I told him it was getting too expensive to keep buying him that much beer. He was not working and he kept taking money out of my purse. So, that is what the “wrong thing” was that I did.
He suddenly jumped up and came towards me very fast. I had no time to move out of the way. He slammed his shoulder right into my jaw, and left me standing there completely stunned. I saw stars going around my eyes, just like in the cartoons.
There is still some residual bruising on the front of my chin area, all these years later…maybe 5 or so years…I cannot remember right now.
I was surprised by the hit because he had not hit me before and I was not prepared for the impact. It almost knocked me down, but not quite. It just injured my jaw, chin and neck. There is a herniated disc in my neck and a couple of other bulging discs, according to the CT scan I had a couple of years ago.
I did not go to the ER or the doctor at the time. I was afraid.
It was a couple of years ago that I told my dr about the incident and that I was having pain in that areas of my neck. I still can hardly sit in the passenger seat of a car, because every bump and turn hurts my neck.
Blessings to all for peace and healing,