You may feel that you are helping the person, or saving them from something. You may feel like you are saving them from the cruel world or saving them from themselves. They are an adult and they are responsible for their own well being as well as their own actions.
It is fine to want to help someone, but if they are demanding things that are unreasonable and your health is becoming compromised then they are using you. Love does not make unreasonable demands. Love does not rage. Love does not cause mental injury with no remorse.
If you are with a toxic personality then they have no guilt, and no remorse over any emotional or mental injuries they are inflicting upon you.
But they are telling me that they are not abusing me. How can I be sure?
If you feel that there is a question as to whether or not someone is using you or abusing you, then this is enough reason to move on. There are many more people in the world and you do not need to be with someone that puts you into a state of constant anxiety.
If you live in fear of the person’s actions and walk on eggshells to avoid upsetting them, then this is likely to be a toxic, abusive person.
Sometimes the easiest way to tell whether or not someone is in an abusive relationship is by how the victim acts, rather than by how the abuser appears.
It is not normal for you to be in a constant state of fear or anxiety.
It is not normal for you to fear your partner arriving home from work.
It is not normal for you to feel extreme anxiety about going home to them.
People that have loving, healthy relationships look forward to going home and to their partner arriving home. There is relaxed comfortable feeling about being together. You may have forgotten what this is like or never have experienced a calm healthy relationship at all.
If you grew up in an abusive household then you may have no frame of reference to know what normal , healthy relationships are like. You may have been taught that love involves taking abuse, rage, injustice and unreasonable demands.
That is why you need to know that healthy relationships are calm. content, relaxed and rewarding. People should look forward to seeing their partner and not fear what will happen when they interact with them.