There are many reasons why women stay with an abuser. Some of them have to do with views that society has of women and marriage. The role of women is still considered by certain groups of people to be the one that is “supportive no matter what.”
Many women are brought up to feel that the husband is the dominant person and that that allows for excuses for abusive behavior.
Women who choose to leave their husbands are often shamed by their families, churches and social groups. When the wife tried to explain that abuse was occurring people have reactions that cause her to feel like she is at fault. They claim that the husband would not have abused her if she were more patient and understanding of him.
Some people think that if a man has a hard day then it is a good excuse for him verbally abusing his wife.
When the verbal abuse turns into physical abuse then it must her fault for complaining about the verbal abuse. Also people will not acknowledge any physical abuse unless the woman has injuries that require hospitalization.
They will tell the wife that if she behaves better that her husband will treat her better. They encourage her to stay in the abusive relationship and that she should work harder to be a better wife.
Cheating is mentally abusive behavior, especially when it continues over time behind the wife’s back. This is deceitful and the lies that are told to the wife’s face are highly disrespectful. Once the wife discovers the on-going lies, she can become traumatized and disoriented about the nature of reality.
For months or years she believed that her husband was being honest with her and then she realizes that her entire reality was based on lies. Reality was actually intentionally distorted to manipulate her into staying and trying to work out the marriage. Yet some families will still take the husband’s side and blame the wife.
I have even heard people tell women that the husband cheated on her because she was not being a “good enough, obedient ans submissive, proper Christian wife.” If she had been more submissive to him, then he would not have had any desire to cheat on her. She drove him to it by not having dinner on the table the second he got home and being at his beck and call.
It has to have been her fault because her job was to keep the husband happy in any way he expected her to. They will shame her and make her the failure of the marriage.
There are people that will yell the wife that as long as the abuse is not right in front of the eyes of the children that they are not harmed by it.
The husband can criticize and yell at the wife in the next room, and it will not have any mental/ emotional damage to the children. So the wife wanting to leave for the sake of he children gets criticized and people tell her that any father is better than no father at all, even if he is abusive.
There is a great information page about domestic abuse at the Power to Break Free website. It has a graph of the Wheel of Power, the Pyramid of Power Pyramid and the Cycle of Abuse Circle with the five stages of violence.
It also has a list of facts and statistics about domestic violence. According to statistics over 20 percent of the female population will become a victim of domestic violence.
“Around the world collectively 33 percent of women are beaten, raped or otherwise abused during their lifetime. ” Power to Break Free.com
You can view or download lots of information from this site.
In spite of what the men’s anti-feminist groups will tell you, women are abused much more often that men are. The statistic is 85 percent of abuse victims are women.
However the statistics about abuse of men are probably not correct. The percentage is likely to be somewhat higher than the statistic because of the stigma about men who are abused.
There are situations of women being abusive to men and not being reported because people would minimize or disbelieve the man who is the victim.
Here is a list on Domestic Abuse Hotlines and other information and help for victims.
Abuse happens in every country, every culture and at each and every economic level.
Over 200 million children live in homes where there is regular violence. No matter what the media says about the rate of abuse going down, it is not true.
Most abusive situations are not reported for a long time, if at all. The statistics on abuse are missing numbers due to the women and men who are abused and never report it.
Most domestic abuse offenders have personality disorders like Malignant Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Anti-Social personality Disorder (psychopaths). The best protection is learning about the red flags of abusers.
If you have a history of relationships with abusers then you also should learn about People Pleaser Syndrome, Co-dependence and how to create boundaries to protect yourself.
There is a lot of information on the internet about these things but often just reading about it is not enough. Many people need extra help in re-wiring their mental behaviors.
Therapy or Life Coaching for C-PTSD, and People Pleaser Syndrome can help. Someone who is trained at dealing with C-PTSD can help you to discover the root causes of your mental Rules of Behavior. NLP techniques can also help to re-wire the subconscious and give you a new way of perceiving your rights to your emotional and mental boundaries.
Most people who have People Pleaser Syndrome also have C-PTSD from childhood mental abuse or other abuse. People that were mentally and emotionally abused as children do not always recognize the abuse in their past.