If the eyes are the windows to the soul then grief is the door. As long as it’s closed it’s the barrier between knowing and not knowing. Walk away from it and it stays closed. But open it and walk through it and the pain becomes the truth.
Dexter tv series
The above quote is from the TV Series called Dexter. Ironically it is the psychopath Dexter that says this in episode 2 of Season 2. He was coming to terms with having murdered his own brother.
As you know, psychopaths do not experience remorse or empathy like the rest of us but the writers of the show have to make the character likely somehow. It is hard for people to feel empathy towards a character that feels nothing. So they added this bit about Dexter feeling remorse about his brother and they gave the character PTSD from a childhood traumatic experience.
The quote itself does tell a truth that I want to talk about with you a little bit today. The grief from narcissistic abuse is complex and difficult to overcome. It is multi layered and often easier to ignore than to deal with.
The pain from narcissistic abuse encompasses all of you. In some ways it is more painful than the abuse you experienced when you were with the abuser. People who never went through this have no idea why it seems to take us so long to “just get over it.”
The “red pill” reference is from the movie The Matrix. in the movie there was a red pill that was taken by people who felt that they wanted to see reality for what it really was.
As Morpheus says in the movie “You were born into a prison you cannot smell, or taste or touch”
Taking the red pill meant a dissolving of the illusion of the matrix. The matrix was a false reality that the abusers in the movie (generated by the computer brain) created to make the people submissive. The computer fed off of the life force of the human bodies, while the actual bodies were in pods with tubes feeding off them.
To the abusers the people were only food. The false reality that was created for them was designed to keep them from knowing they were being abused. The people just go through their lives oblivious to the fact that abusers like the computer brain even exist.
Before we take the first red pill, victims are unaware of the scope and magnitude of narcissistic and psychopathic abuse. The first red pill comes with an earth shattering force that knocks the wind out of you. There are days when you wish you could take the “blue pill” which erases your memory about the matrix.
After the first red pill are more red pills. Little by little we realize just how insidious the abuser really was. The abuser haunts our nightmares and keeps us awake at night. It is like they left a piece of them in our minds.
In The Matrix, Morpheus says “Unfortunately no one can tell you what the matrix is. You have to see it for yourself. “
Once we begin to heal from the abuse and hear other victim’s stories, we see how narcissists are all around. We begin to feel like everyone is a narcissist and are almost paranoid as we search the faces of each person we meet.
The truth about narcissism is all around us but we never saw it before. The toxic people that have manipulated and abused us…bosses, parents, boyfriends, in-laws, neighbors, landlords…
Was is better living in the matrix? Do you wish you could go back and never had ingested that very first red pill?
The answer to that question is for you to answer. Not knowing about the matrix keeps us controlled and manipulated by others.
Knowing about the matrix means that we have to live the truth of narcissism. It means that we know psychopaths really exist and are not just in the movies. They are not just in the lives of someone in the news, but they are as close to us as the neighbor next door.
There are some YouTube personalities that tell you that narcissists and psychopaths make up about 1 percent of the population. However the CDC (Center for Disease Control) has done studies that say that the percentage is more like 3 to 4 percent.
You are a survivor and a warrior. You are stronger than you think. Now you are one of the ones who has taken that red pill and can see the matrix for what it is.
Sometimes it feels like you are in more danger now, but that it just because you are aware of the danger and you were not before. The truth is that you are safer now than you ever were before.
You are learning about the red flags of abusers. You are learning about the tactics of narcissists and psychopaths. You have support from other survivors online.
Survivors of narcissistic abuse are a tribe all our own and we are hear to help and support one another.
You will learn about co-dependence and people pleaser syndrome. You are learning how not to be a target for abusive people. You will not be taken in by the love bombing again.
You are okay. You will become stronger as you go. The matrix becomes more clear as you go along. Sometimes you still want to take a blue pill and forget. Sometimes you want to forget but you don’t really want to go back.
Remember that “Neurons that fire together, wire together.” This means that the things you are used to doing and the thoughts you are used to thinking will perpetuate themselves. When you practice thinking in different ways, your brain will think in new ways.
You can re-wire bad thought patterns that were programmed into you during your childhood. If you were taught that you should tolerate abuse, then it was wired into your neuronal pathways. The way to re-wire it is to think in new ways on a regular basis.
Question the thoughts that you have and the feelings that tell you that you have to tolerate abuse.
There is no going back…only going forward. Life is path and you create the path under your feet as you walk upon it. Make your path unique and magical!