Monthly Archives: January 2016

Betrayal by the Narcissist

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The aftermath of narcissistic abuse can be brutal…even worse than the abuse when you were in the relationship. If you are wondering why you seem to be in worse shape now, than when you were in the relationship, you are not alone.

The narcissist intentionally caused you to become addicted to your role, and your identity, that they made you accept. During the idealization phase they bombarded you constantly with messages and phone calls.

This was to intentionally alter your chemicals, in order to create an addictive bond with them. This is a very addictive bond, in which the brain and the body become dependent upon the dopamine release when you think about the narcissist, or hear their voice.

You were conditioned to crave this interaction, their approval, and their validation of your reality. Within a month or so, your brain began to be unable to regulate your stress level without the narcissist regulating them for you.

This is part of their design. The narcissistic psychopath  intentionally creates a chemical addiction in you. This makes their Silent Treatments, and dissapprovals , during the Devaluation phase that much more painful.

After all….is there any relationship you have ever bern in…other than with a narcissist or a psychopath…that caused you such high levels of toxic loneliness, feelings of emotional disregulation, and mental pain…..when you were apart from them for a few days….or did not hear from them for a few hours, when they had promised to call….

This is addiction. It has physiological evidence in your brain. You could see it, if you had an MRI machine handy. This is intentional and this is what the Love Bombing is all about.

It is also why they revert….although temporarlily…to the idealization phase….anytime they feel they are losing their hold on you. By reverting to the idealization phase temorarily, the narcissist confuses your brain as well as creating a chemical explosion in you.

Those feelings of having that adfiction satisfied come back, and for that…you will not….and cannot leave them. Your brain always craves that next fix of chemicals and the narcissist knows this.

They intentionally use this addiction to manipulate you. They hold a power over you, like no other person can.

And when the relationship ends, you go into a terrible withdrawal of these chemicals that you were trained to be addicted to.

You crash fast and hard. The symptoms are similar to that of any drug addict that has been cut off from their drug of choice. It is not your fault.

It is not your fault. It was done without your consent. You never asked for this. You never saw it coming. You never saw it happening to you.

The withdrawal from narcissist or a psychopath is terrifically painful, and grueling to go through. You are the most vulnerable during this stage of recovery, to be hoovered back in by the apologetic narcissist.

It is understandable why victims go back to the narcissist, if they attemt to hoover them bac. In within the first six months. The chemical addiction and withdrawal symptoms seem to have a painful hold on survivors of a narcissist, for 6 months or more.

So why does your life fall apart? It is like what any other addict experiences. All aspects of your life are affected….from your emotional and mental states, to your physical health and immune system.

Keeping up with daily living activities is very difficult. Going to work is difficult. You become sleep deprived from insomnia, because your brain cannot self regulate your nervous system.

You are not crazy. A person that told you they cared about you, intentionally messed up your brain. They would do it all over again if they got the chance….and they may try…

Being tortured by someone you loved…and probably still love….is the worst form of betrayal.

 

 

 

Rosy

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Rosy

All Things Chronic

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“I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.” Eleanor Roosevelt

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“I want to encourage women to embrace their own uniqueness. Because just like a rose is beautiful, so is a sunflower, so is a peony. I mean, all flowers are beautiful in their own way, and that’s like women too.” Miranda Kerr

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Please check out Francisco’s rose:

Por favor, echa un vistazo a la rosa de Francisco:

BRIGHT ROSE

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Red Flags of a Psychopathic Narcissist

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GentleKindness

When you are with a devil of a partner, you do not see their dark side at first. The really good predators are skilled at creating a shared psychosis…an illusion that you are two perfectly matched souls….destined to be together

When you are with an authentic partner, who has true compassion for you, they do not feel the need to state things like….

I have compassion for you.

I don’t usually have compassion for other people, but I have compassion for you.

Other people do not really understand you or see you. But only I see the real you.

No one sees your talent but me.

I am the only one who has really loved you.

I am the only one who could really love you.

You are so different from other people that I am the only one who understands you.

You are too special to be with anyone…

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Nine Personality Traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

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Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic Personality Disorder has nine traits. This is a very good documentary, which explains the nine traits of NPD.

The nine traits are as follows

1. Grandiosity –  This is an unrealistic view of oneself that they are bigger than life and better than others

2. Arrogant and Domineering– think they are better than everyone else. They know more than anyone else. Controlling of others and dominating.

3. Preoccupation with Success and Power 

4. Lack of empathy – an inability to care about the feelings of others or put themselves in someone else’s shoes

5. Belief of being unique– they feel very different than other people, like there is only one person that is anything like them at all

6. Sense of entitlement – They are owed things.  They are entitled to anything and everything that they want and desire, including taking over the lives of other people…

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Understanding and healing the Scapegoat within

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Emerging From The Dark Night

offended

The family scapegoat receives the shadow projections of the family. They are the one that carries and tries to express qualities, needs, reactions and expressions which may not have had a chance or live in the family.  Often if we review the family history we will be able to see a pattern or something the scapegoat is trying to live for the family that could not be expressed, or struggled to be expressed over generations.

There is also collective element to the scapegoat which means certain qualities in any particular culture are accepted and are seen as valuable to express where as others may be demonised. Religious beliefs create the scapegoat by dictating what is “holy” and what is “demonic” and so create splits. The pervasive spread of the Catholic zeitgeist, for example, reveres qualities of self sacrifice, meekness, chastity and in many ways a repression of essential elements of…

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Darkness of the Psychopathic Narcissist

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One of the things that people never believe, unless they have experienced it first hand, is how dark malignant narcissists actually are. The lengths they will go to destroy you is terrifying.

They will slowly convince you through gaslighting that there is something wrong with your mind…to the point where you actually question your own reality. This is very difficult to snap out of after you are no longer in tbe relationship, and impossible to fully detach from during tbe relationship.

Wondering about whether or not you are perceiving situations correctly is so terrifying that it can slowly cause physiological changes in the brain that are the same as various mental illnesses.

I believe that many people with mental illness were abused by a narcissist or a psychopath during their lives and have no idea about it. Children growing up with a malignant, toxic person do not have any frame of reference of what normal is.

Some adults realize that they were exposed to instances of abuse as children or teenagers, because the incidents they are able to identify are either  of a physical nature that caused injury, or of a sexual nature.

They are not aware of the constant mind manipulation and intentional gaslighting which occurred years before the abuse they can identify as abuse. The incidents of physical abuse are terrible, but there was continuous mental manipulation which caused the brain to begin to show signs of mental illness like anxiety disorders, severe depression, OCD, and suicidal thoughts.

Many victims of abuse as adults, are reopening emotional, and psychological wounds that were already caused during childhood.

Adults that cannot recall any physical abuse often do not see their abusers as abusers. There are narcissists that get away with manipulating their children’s reality, their self esteem, and their perception of the narcissistic parent. Narcissists want their victims to feel at fault for the abuse, making the victim unable to identify the abuse as abuse.

Those of us that came across the terms malignant narcissist, gaslighting, and mental abuse are in the minority. Imagine how many people are walking around, thinking there is something innately wrong with them, and they do not realize that their psychological state was inflicted upon them by another person, just so that person could use them to feed off of.

Malignant narcissists are not just arrogant,  delusional people. They are malicious, exploitative monsters that cause their victims to become confused about their own perception of reality….to the point that they doubt their own perceptions and cannot even identify abuse as abuse.

Is it any wonder that children brought up this way end up ensnared by another abuser? When the abuse begins, the victim doubts their own ability to perceive what they feel, see and hear. They discount abusive behavior, and are easily gaslighted into believing it is not abuse.

Psychopaths target people that have already been broken by a narcissist. They know what signs to look for. They know how to test you, in order to see if you will respond to their brainwashing.

You have to reprogram your braim to get rid of the viruses that were installed into you. Otherwise it is difficult to recognize abuse when it starts.

Predators look for the best targets for them to destroy. These people have an extreme darkness within them.