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Finding Your Inner Voice After Abuse

It takes practice and patience to learn to hear your own intuition and inner voice, after you have been conditioned over time to ignore your own true perceptions. 

 You have a wisdom inside of you that is compassionate and intelligent. You can choose to perceive yourself and the world around you in a whole new way !

The narcissist tried to silence your voice, minimize it, confuse it and discredit it. But you still have an inner voice inside of you…. that can lead you in ways that will support your mental and emotional health. 

Feel your senses and what they are telling you.

Every sensation is part of your guidance system. If something feels wrong, it probably is.

You can Learn How to Over-ride the Untrue Perceptions 

Learn to trust your intuition and to hear your own guiding voice. There are other voices in your head, but you can learn to tell which one is your own. Programming put into your brain during childhood emotional and mental abuse will cause the negative “tapes” that play inside your head. 

Negative tapes playing in your head, are just left over voices with false information from other people.

Things you hear yourself thinking that are negative about yourself, are like computer viruses that were put into your brain, without your consent!

When you are very young, you depend on your parents and caretaker to interpret the world for you. You turn to them to explain the meaning of things that happen.

Children need to know they have innate value, that is detached from mistakes they make or things they do. You have innate value. The things you do or do not do, do not change your true worth as a person.

Once you know that you have worth, then you will be able to do and try things you could never have imagined you could do !

Self Soothing

Self soothing is an important skill that people who grew up in emotionally abusive households, never were taught. You were not taught to sooth yourself, but rather you were taught to berate yourself and shame yourself. 

Children and teenagers need guidance to learn how to sooth themselves, when something bad happens. If you have C-PTSD from mental abuse as a child, then your feelings about bad things that happened to you were minimized, criticized and called selfish.

Learning what selfish is Not

You need to learn that it is not selfish to set boundaries, and to protect your emotional and mental health. You have every right to take care of your own brain and your own heart.

If you grew up in an abusive environment, then you were told it was selfish when you tried to express your feelings about the things that were happening around you. The controlling parent wanted everything to revolve around them. They never considered your feelings about decisions they made, or their behaviors. 

You probably developed “emotophobia” from being shut down every time you expressed your feelings about ad things that happened. Even expressing good feelings like joy, and self esteem were crushed down, and called selfish. 

The Shaming Voice

Shaming is one of the worst of the “viruses” that was programmed into you. No one self shames naturally. Babies do not come into the world feeling shame. 

Parents that are manipulative, narcissistic, and mentally abusive, shame you for things that you should not have had to feel bad about. Now as an adult, you still hear those voices in your head anytime you make a mistake, or even do anything that elicits a negative reaction from other people.

What Thoughts are Your Own?

Thoughts that you are a bad person, that you are inadequate, and that you will fail when you try to do something….these were programmed into you over years of negative reactions to you by your caretakers and people you trusted to love you. 

Other people may have added to your negative perceptions about yourself. Teachers, bullies that were your peers, abusive babysitters and other people that you were exposed to as a child, may have added their own toxic spice to your view of yourself.

When you feel passionate about doing something that you feel called to do…

When you feel confident about something you want to give to the world…

When you know just for a second that you have something special to offer to the world, because only you have the unique gifts that you were born with….

When you feel called to help someone else, or other people in some way, by using your own ideas, knowledge, love, and other gifts…

These things are your own voice and you can tell because these thoughts support you.


When that thought comes in that tells you that …

you are not good enough

you are inadequate

there is something wrong with you 

you do not deserve to be happy

you have nothing special to offer

you will just screw it up so why bother trying…

These are the NOT your own thoughts and you can tell because they do not support you. 

You have my permission….to give yourself permission to….. Let Go of All Thoughts and Behaviors that No Longer Support You.
Just because someone told you that these negative perceptions about yourself were true, does not make them true!

Emotional Wounds

Living in an abusive, chaotic traumatic childhood left emotional wounds on your heart. These wounds are carried around by you.

They are fed by the negative thoughts that someone once told you were true. Thoughts that you are not good enough. Thoughts that the world around you cannot be trusted and that you should shut yourself down and never try to bloom into the beautiful flower that you really are. 

Abusive Partners Re-open Old Emotional Wounds

Old emotional wounds were reinforced by any abusive partners you ended up with as an adult.

Abusive partners are highly skilled at identifying and re-opening old emotional wounds. Narcissist and psychopaths target people who are carrying emotional wounds from childhood. They can identify you from other people.

Abusers know how to gain your trust , so that you will reveal all of your weaknesses and wounds to them. Then they will turn the table and throw salt in your wounds, in order to control you.

Your reptilian (primal) brain always tries to keep you away from danger. The abuser know how to activate that fight or flight mode in your brain, and make you feel in danger.

The reopening of emotional wounds is so painful, that it is one of the favorite tools of the narcissist to use against you. 

They will make it clear to you that they will injure you in the worst possible ways, if you do not comply with them. They will use your old wounds against you, by threatening to, and by throwing salt into them.

You will want to avoid this pain by any means possible, and then you will comply with them in order not to have to be re-traumatized by someone recreating your past trauma for you.

You Can Self Generate Feelings of Self Worth

Once you realize that the negative programs in your brain, are not true, then you can begin to re-write these programs in ways that best support you. You never learned to self generate feelings of self worth, but you can learn now.

If you want to find out more…please visit my web site gentlekindnesscoaching.com and add your name to the email list.  ……Also you can follow me on my gentlekindnesscoaching facebook page !

13 thoughts on “Finding Your Inner Voice After Abuse”

  1. This is perfect. Even those of us who haven’t been abused by a narcissist have had our inner voices silenced. I think this is great advice for everybody.


    1. Feel free to stop by the gentlekindnesscoaching.com site and add your name to the email list. I will be sending occassiinal articles with more information about how to reboot the brain and clean it from bad viruses and early programs that are no longer serving you….also there will be some upcoming promotions for sudios with hypnosis, NLP and relaxation, anxiety reduction.

      Blessings on your jouney,


  2. I have always “trusted my gut” and even more now. The problem with trusting others is that it sometimes overshadows your instincts. The belief that another has honor and integrity can trump any doubt that would normally surface. I know I’ve learned my lesson.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Reblogged this on When I thought I was fat! and commented:
    This is very true. It is so hard to hear or trust your inner voice after abuse. It takes a lot of hard work. This blog is one of the ways I have been able to explore my thoughts. I cannot recommend writing more as an aid.


    1. 💕I believe in you.💕 The old “bad” programming can be over-written.
      It can be replaced with self love, compassion, and empowerment.
      To have more info sent to your inbox, you can join the gentle kindness coaching email list at gentlekindnesscoaching.com
      I will be having some upcoming promotions for audios to remove bad programming and reinstate empowerment.

      Just go to gentlekindnesscoaching.com to the Contact page.

      You will not be inundated with too many emails, because I hate when that happens to me.

      Wishing you peace along your healing journey,
      Much love,

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow. That’s what I’ve been doing in my journey of healing: learning to trust my intuition again. For some reason, your writing this hit me square between the eyes this morning. Yes! For me, I was not allowed to speak my truth, and I shut down and blocked my own intuition for a number of reasons that I now know. And I am very much reconnecting and reconnected with my intuition. And I didn’t realize how huge a part of my healing journey that is. Huge!! Thank you so much for this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You can do it💕The brain can be reprogrammed and you can remove bad programming.

      To get on the gentlekindness mailing list for articles about rebooting your compassionate, empathetic, self love…you can add your email to the gentlekindnesscoaching.com site mailing list.

      I will have some upcoming promotions with free audios etc.

      Thank you for sharing,

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you Annie! I have actually been doing just this, working with an amazing local soul-directed hypnotherapist. (I write about some of the extremely healing hypnosis sessions on my blog). Beautiful work you do!

        Liked by 1 person

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