abuse, abusive relationships, aftermath of abuse, aftermath of narcissistic abuse, anti-social personality disorder, dating a narcissist, devaluation, domestic abuse, domestic violence, gaslighting, healing from narcissistic abuse, hoovering, narcissist, Narcissist psychopath, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic psychopath, narcopath, no contact, no contact from narcissist, overcoming narcissistic abuse, post traumatic stress disorder from domestic abuse . mental abuse, PTSD from domestic abuse, PTSD from mental abuse, red flags of a narcissist, tactics of the narcissist to manipulate, Uncategorized, victim of narcissist

Betrayal by the Narcissist

The aftermath of narcissistic abuse can be brutal…even worse than the abuse when you were in the relationship. If you are wondering why you seem to be in worse shape now, than when you were in the relationship, you are not alone.

The narcissist intentionally caused you to become addicted to your role, and your identity, that they made you accept. During the idealization phase they bombarded you constantly with messages and phone calls.

This was to intentionally alter your chemicals, in order to create an addictive bond with them. This is a very addictive bond, in which the brain and the body become dependent upon the dopamine release when you think about the narcissist, or hear their voice.

You were conditioned to crave this interaction, their approval, and their validation of your reality. Within a month or so, your brain began to be unable to regulate your stress level without the narcissist regulating them for you.

This is part of their design. The narcissistic psychopath  intentionally creates a chemical addiction in you. This makes their Silent Treatments, and dissapprovals , during the Devaluation phase that much more painful.

After all….is there any relationship you have ever bern in…other than with a narcissist or a psychopath…that caused you such high levels of toxic loneliness, feelings of emotional disregulation, and mental pain…..when you were apart from them for a few days….or did not hear from them for a few hours, when they had promised to call….

This is addiction. It has physiological evidence in your brain. You could see it, if you had an MRI machine handy. This is intentional and this is what the Love Bombing is all about.

It is also why they revert….although temporarlily…to the idealization phase….anytime they feel they are losing their hold on you. By reverting to the idealization phase temorarily, the narcissist confuses your brain as well as creating a chemical explosion in you.

Those feelings of having that adfiction satisfied come back, and for that…you will not….and cannot leave them. Your brain always craves that next fix of chemicals and the narcissist knows this.

They intentionally use this addiction to manipulate you. They hold a power over you, like no other person can.

And when the relationship ends, you go into a terrible withdrawal of these chemicals that you were trained to be addicted to.

You crash fast and hard. The symptoms are similar to that of any drug addict that has been cut off from their drug of choice. It is not your fault.

It is not your fault. It was done without your consent. You never asked for this. You never saw it coming. You never saw it happening to you.

The withdrawal from narcissist or a psychopath is terrifically painful, and grueling to go through. You are the most vulnerable during this stage of recovery, to be hoovered back in by the apologetic narcissist.

It is understandable why victims go back to the narcissist, if they attemt to hoover them bac. In within the first six months. The chemical addiction and withdrawal symptoms seem to have a painful hold on survivors of a narcissist, for 6 months or more.

So why does your life fall apart? It is like what any other addict experiences. All aspects of your life are affected….from your emotional and mental states, to your physical health and immune system.

Keeping up with daily living activities is very difficult. Going to work is difficult. You become sleep deprived from insomnia, because your brain cannot self regulate your nervous system.

You are not crazy. A person that told you they cared about you, intentionally messed up your brain. They would do it all over again if they got the chance….and they may try…

Being tortured by someone you loved…and probably still love….is the worst form of betrayal.

 

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Betrayal by the Narcissist”

  1. It wasn’t like this for the five years of our relationship, when we lived together. Yes, there were the subtle jabs and tantrums he threw. He did a bit of the back-and-forth “I am not sure about a future with you – I love you so much.” but we seemed stable enough. I was stable enough. Eventually he did pull the plug on us but did so in an “I think I am going crazy” (his words) state. Within a few weeks we reconciled. I was still strong. I moved out to give us the space we needed. Then came the ups-and-downs, the push-and-pull, the controlling, the blaming all on me, the belittling, the entire focus on him, his needs and his boundaries. It was then when again he broke it off saying he couldn’t be around me, I went into a manic state of recurring panic attacks. In this state I got hoovered back – twice and the last time the worst. It was my fault for how I was feeling he said; I enabled him and his neuroses he said. Again he said being with me drove him crazy. So this time, I walked away. He’s texted only once to check on me; I haven’t contacted him. But I am a wreck! I feel so out of whack. I am not myself. I do feel I am crazy!

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    1. Best to stay no contact with anyone who made you miserable like that. It takes time to heal, but it can be done.
      Hopefully he has not started any smear campaign, turning other people against you. Narcissists often get to mutual friends and even your friends and family first, before you get a chance to give your side.

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  2. Every time I read a post like this, I think…Loser wasn’t a narcissist. He didn’t use the silent treatment….I did…but he would tell me he was going to be home at a certain hour and then not show up or call. When he finally did drag his ass home, there was no apology. I may have misdiagnosed him. Maybe he was just a dick.

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      1. I’ve read all about narcissists….and sociopaths. He fits almost every single criteria but two or three of them are not even close. You can’t be a narcissist to your wife and treat your tramps like a queen. It just doesn’t compute.

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