Two abusive parents can come in various combinations of Cluster B personality disorders. If you grew up with two parents that were abusive, then you went through hell and there is emotional trauma that is still affecting you as an adult.
The DSM designates narcissistic personality disorder as a personality disorder, along with a few others. Malignant Borderline personality disorder is often co-morbid with narcissistic personality disorder. But is has some extra characteristics including extreme mood disregulation and fear of abandonment.
Psychopathy is called anti-social personality disorder in the DSM. It is extreme narcissism with some other characteristsics, including a disregard for the law and rules of society. Narcissism is on a spectrum, which has anti=social personality disorder at the far right side.
Histrionic personality disorder is also a Cluster B personality disorder. It is narcissism with an obsession with sex. The histrionic is a female disorder, whereas the majority of psychopaths are male…but not all.
Two people with a cluster B personality disorder sometimes get together for various reasons. Neither of the partners is equipped to raise children with kindness or compassion. They care about themselves and not the needs of the children.
Depending on the combination of personality disorders, the couple may stay together or break up. Two narcissists can sometimes work together to each get their needs for narcissistic supply met. This is not a loving relationship, but a functional agreement.
Children of two narcissists will be subject to extreme manipulation and control by the parents. Both parents are abusive, in an emotional and mental way. One or both may be sexually inappropriate with the children. Often one parent will turn a blind eye to what the other one does to the child.
Adult children of narcissists have C-PTSD from the years of on-going abuse. Covert abuse can damage the child as much or more than overt physical abuse. Adult children of parents that were covertly, mentally abusive don’t always know that they were abused at all. The damage is there, but the adult child of mental abuse does not know what is wrong with them.
People with C-PTSD from abuse often have depression, and anxiety disorders. They may have problems with executive function, which is the part of the brain that helps us to organize, manage our lives and other skills that most “normal” people use to survive.
Day to day tasks can be difficult for people with C-PTSD. Sometimes people do pretty well surviving for years, and then suddenly have an emotional / mental crash, when the repressed trauma begins to bubble its way to the surface.
It is common for adult victims of abuse to be lured by narcissistic predators. There are certain characteristics of a survivor of abuse, that attract predators to prey on them. Low self esteem makes it easy for the predator to invade the victim;s boundaries. A desensitization to abuse makes it easy for the abuser to confuse the victim into rationalizing the abuse.
The first step to recovering from C-PTSD from childhood abuse is to recognize abuse…and to call abuse “abuse.”
Recovery from abuse requires re-wiring the neural pathways of your brain. Growing up with narcissist means years if conditioning and brainwashing. Many of the beliefs that you hold deep in your subconscious are false. Negative feelings about yourself and your capabilities come from brainwashing from the narcissistic family.
Getting therapy of coaching can help you to sift through the abuse, and to identify what false beliefs you are carrying. If you are being held back in life by mental tapes that keep playing in your head, these messages can be changed and your brain can be re-wired so that you can be your authentic self.
There is nothing wrong with you. You have great self worth. Understanding the true value to your authentic, natural self can help to get your life back on track. Any therapist or life coach you work with needs to have an understanding of narcissistic abuse and narcissistic abuse syndrome.
If you are interested in coaching for overcoming narcissistic abuse and C-PTSD from abuse, you can check out the gentlekindness web site. There is a contact page where you can send me a message to let me know you are interested in setting up coaching.
Visit the site here..http://www.gentlekindnesscoaching.com/
You can also get more information and connect with other victims at the facebook page here….https://www.facebook.com/gentlekindnesscoaching/?ref=bookmarks
I have videos about abuse and abuse recovery at my YouTube channel here.…https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJw1QUDzb59PbWTcnGjGJ7g/videos
Once you begin to study narcissism and psychopathy, you begin to realize how many narcissists you have crossed paths with over the years.
The behaviors of pathological people are often hard to understand. You are likely to leave interactions with them feeling confused and crushed down.
When you are interacting with a narcissist, your thoughts and feelings are discounted. Any reasoning you try to do with them is met with a brick wall.
It is often better not to even give them reasons for your thoughts and feelings. Giving them reasons, just causes them to laugh at, mimimize and disregard you as a person.
They like to train you not to try to reason with them. They do not want to hear any side of things other than their own.
They will train you with rewards and punishments…. but mostly punishments. You will get anxiety when you even think about trying to get them to hear your side of a situation.
The narcissist will systematically train you to associate negative feelings with discussing anything with them. After having to feel embarrassed, insignificant, dumb, and guilty from repeated interactions with them, your brain will activate the fight or flight mode when you are picturing a conversation with them.
In your mind, you can play out scenarios. You can run through scenes in your head, based on different ways you can approach them and different things you can say to get them to see your side. But these scenes will always play out with the narcissistic getting the upper hand.
They will twist your words around. They will intentionally misconstrue what you are saying. They will use selective hearing, to miss important details of what you say.
You will find your reasons minimized pr disregarded, even if they are based on research that you can show them. They will not look at any proof you have, to back uo your reasons.
Your feelings will always be discounted and you will be made to feel that you have no right to ask them to consider your feelings.
Narcissists have no respect for your boundaries. They do not care how situations will affect you. You simply do not matter to them.
.image from pinterest here
When you are with a psychopathic narcissist for a partner, you do not see their dark side at first. The seasoned predators are skilled at creating a shared psychosis…an illusion that you are two perfectly matched souls….destined to be together.
When you are with an authentic partner, who has true compassion for you, they do not feel the need to state things like….
I have compassion for you, even though it does not show.
I don’t usually have compassion for other people, but I have compassion for you.
Other people do not really understand you or see you. But only I can see the real you.
No one sees your talent but me.
I am the only one who has really loved you.
I am the only one who could really love you.
You are so different from other people that I am…
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“Black and White Abstract” by Nicole Cohen
(Originally posted here June, 2013)
missing late meds
tatters night into
cut scraps of sleep
scissored by terrors
inexplicable but for
persistent pain deep
in the center of me
flying monkeys inflicted
some seven years back
with plague-ridden teeth
when chewing my
breastbone to pulp