abusive relationships, devaluation, domestic abuse, mental abuse, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, Uncategorized

Hoovering

The loneliness after leaving an abusive relationship can be overwhelming. This feeling, combined with the chemical addiction to the relationship often drives people back to the partner.

Narcissists know this all too well. They have played the game many times before. They know just how long to ignore all of your texts and your calls.

Even if you are the one that chose to leave, the abuser is a master at hoovering you back in. They know the pain you will suffer from the withdrawal from them.

The hoovering usually occurs between 3 and 6 months after you have stopped hearing anything from them. They may even have paraded their new prey on facebook for you to see, but this new partner will not stop them from wanting one more go at you.

If you think they hurt you the first time, you are in for a higher level this time. If you left them, they will be sure to punish you fully, and then discard you in the cruelest possible way.

If they discarded you the first time, make no mistake that they will escalate the devaluation phase, before discarding you like the garbage they think you are.

The narcissist’s skill of cold empathy (cold reading), will enable them to woo you for a time. They will give you their honeymoon phase ( idealization phase) one more time…and make you think that they now appreciate the real you, more than ever.

Buy when that first glimmer of darkness crosses their expression, and their eyes glare at you…like predators do…your gut will tell you that you have made a mistake…you are in danger.

That feeling of danger will frighten you, and you may try to tell yourself it is in your imagination. After all…your view of reality hasn’t been that good lately. Has it?

You haven’t been remembering things quite the right way recently. Have you?

Who are you to question this person who was so gracious in taking you back?

This person who…changed their ways just for you….gave up the other women because you are the only one who understands them.

Or do you?

There is something dark surrounding you….pressing down on you….

It must be that you are mentally unstable. After all….he mentioned his concern about your mental health just the other day…

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2 thoughts on “Hoovering”

  1. YES! I am definitely going through the beginning phases of this with the Narcissist I am divorcing. I literally feel like I am having drug withdrawals even thought I know completely that I cannot be happy and healthy with this man. There is such a magnetism about him and he knows every lever to pull with me. It feels so infuriating!!

    Like

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