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I am a survivor of domestic abuse and narcissistic abuse. I had more than one abuser. I lived with some of them and dated one of them without  ever moving in together.

The last one, which I dated was a narcissist , comorbid with borderline and anti-social personality. He is the one that injured me mentally the most. I did not realize anything about him being an abuser until I was discarded.

After the relationship with a narcissist ends, we go back over the relationship and realize that there were many red flags all along. Even at the beginning of the relationship, there were red flags.

One of my abusers struck me in the chin, jaw area and did permanent damage to my cervical spine. I still have pain from this, There is one herniated disc that pinches a nerve and sends pain all the way down my arm, into my right hand.

I have come to realize that there were personality traits that I had, that were drawing abusive personalities to me. My last abuser, even said that to me once. Also there are learned behaviors that we have.

I was talking to him about my past abuse from men. Instead of being sympathetic, like I expected he would be, he said that I did things to draw abusers and hold them next to me.

Little did I know that he was talking about himself, and he knew he was using and abusing  me. He knew what personality traits that narcissists look for, He found those traits and learned behaviors in me.

I have since done a lot of research about narcissism and narcissistic abuse. I wish to pass on what I have learned in order to validate and help other people who have been abused or are being abused.

I still struggle with the aftermath of abuse, including the financial devastation and the impact on my children.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please reach out here and connect with others and myself.

Annie

My w

9 responses »

  1. I wish you strength on coping with this awful aftermath! I am the daughter of 2 narcissistic parents, one of them covert and the other one malignant. I also ended up with 2 narcissistic men because of my background, but have now managed to at least break the pattern of narcissism in my relationships and have married an empath. There is always hope! Hugs!

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    • Good for you finding an empath. I will find one for me one day 🙂
      Thank you for your kind words. My mother had borderline personality disorder and probably co-morbid with narcissism but I am not sure. She was an alcoholic also. My father was always sending me to “make up” with her even when she was the abusive one. He sent me over and over again as an adult even when she did not want to see me and told me so.
      I was conditioned to keep going back for more abuse, because that is what good daughters do.

      He handled the situation with my sister the same way. She was abusive to me but i was expected to go and apologize to her, even when she hit me and bruised my face.

      So I thought that being a “good girlfriend” must mean to keep forgiving, ignoring, and going back for more abuse. If I did that enough times then they would see that I love them. Well, that system did not work very well for me, to say the least.

      I am learning now and I do not want any more abusers in my life and especially in my bed.

      Take care 🙂
      Annie

      Liked by 1 person

      • Sorry to hear of all the dysfunction your parents subjected you to. You have the love & self-care necessary to keep yourself healthy and safe 🙂 Every change is hard at first (doesn’t feel natural), but with the right support you will get there too 🙂 hugs

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Hi Annie, I found your blog through a reblog. It’s so sad when people feel they have the right to treat others badly. In reading your post that brought me here I wondered if some of my issues may stem from PTSD due to growing up in a dysfunctional home. I look forward to reading and learning more about narcissistic behavior from your posts.

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    • Thank you for reading my blog. I hope you will find more posts that are helpful for you. You can also follow the gentlekindness coaching Facebook page.
      There should be info at the link on the header of this blog….or I can send you a link. Just let me know.

      There is also the Annie Mini Hall youtube channel for overcoming narcissistic abuse.

      Have a peaceful day🌷🐇💕
      Annie

      Liked by 1 person

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