Author Archives: gentlekindness

About gentlekindness

Annie is a compassionate writer with a powerful voice that resonates with the readers. She speaks the truth with transparency and a vulnerability that empowers and inspires her readers and fans. She is a poet, a guitarist, an amazing singer and a blogger.

Why the Narcissist Accuses you of Cheating and Deceipt

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Why does your narcissist accuse you of cheating out of the intention to cheat?

If they do this, and there is no basis for it, then your narcissist is projecting their own intentions onto you. They are either cheating on you, or they know that they would.

Why does your abuser accuse you of being underhanded or “sneaky”?

If you are being accused of being deceptive, or of going behind their backs, and there is no basis for this, then guess What? They are being deceptive with you. Plus they are just deceptive in general.

Are you being spied on by your partner who accuses you of “being up to something”?

Do they constantly think you are doing things behind their back?

Have you been loyal to a fault, and given them no logical reason to see you this way?

They are projecting their own bad qualities on to you. This is their way of making you “pay” for their machinations and insincere behaviors.

It is their way of dumping the accountability for their actions into you. It is a kind of “blame shifting” called “projection.”

Anyone who is not cheating on you, and has no thoughts about cheating on you, has no reason to even think that you would cheat on them. Unless you actually bring the subject of cheating onto the table, there is no reason for someone to assume you would be doing that.

Unless someone has evidence or reasons to think you might be deceitful and plotting against them, there is no normal reason to accuse you of these traits.

If you started the relationship with your partner with good intentions towards them, and they started the relationship with good intentions towards you, then why should they suddenly accuse you of having changed?

These sudden accusations, with no basis in reality, are the narcissist’s way of justifying their own actions and intentions.

They will justify spying on you, and obliterating your personal boundaries, in the name of “protecting themselves” or “keeping you in line.”

All the while, they are redirecting your attention towards defending yourself, instead of observing the narcissist’s behavior.

They will dump shame and guilt into you , in order to avoid any accountability for their own treachery.

The narcissist will never be accountable for their own actions, mistakes, behaviors or for their own short-comings. Instead, they project their bad qualities onto you, in order to make your life miserable.

They will accuse you, and become paranoid about your intentions, in order to put you on the defensive.

While you are busy trying to convince the narcissist that you are not “up to” anything, they are getting away with whatever behaviors they want to. This includes accusing you, spying on you, isolating you, and making you feel like you live in a prison camp.

They want you to be too busy catching your breath that you don’t have time to see what they are doing to you. And they most certainly do not want you to ever know that their behavior is intentional, in order to distract you from seeing things in realistic perspective.

You do not deserve to be accused of things that don’t even fit your personality. This just shows you that the person does not really know you anyway.

Plus, there is a double standard at work here. While the narcissist becomes indignant and accusatory of you alleged intentions, they feel perfectly entitled to do all of the things they are accusing you of, and more.

It has nothing to do with you. You have done nothing wrong if you have done nothing wrong.

As silly as that sounds, the narcissist will actually make their victim feel guilty for things they are not doing wrong. They will twist reality around in the victim’s mind until they feel like they have done something to deserve the accusations.

Make no mistake. This kind of treatment is emotionally abusive. This kind of gaslighting is psychological abuse.

Any kind of gaslighting or psychological abuse is damaging to your well being in the long run. Even in short time periods, gaslighting can cause harm to you.

Abusive relationships can drag out much longer that outside observers can understand. One of the reasons is that the double standards, the gaslighting and the other psychological abuse can cause the victim to become imprisoned in a mental hell.

Recognizing this kind of abuse, and being able to put labels on it, can be a Step toward freedom.

The effects of psychological and emotional abuse can last long after the relationship has ended.

This can make you vulnerable to being targeted by another abuser.

Remember that all predators do not present themselves the same way initially. Learn the red flags of predators and how to identify abuse.

Realise your personal worth and know that you bring value to any relationship. This knowledge will help you to protect yourself from future predators and abusive personalities

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The Icy Stare of Your Abuser

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The “blank stare” of the narcissist is agreeable disconcerting and creepy.  It is like you are being looked at but they are not really looking at you as a real person.

These eyes are looking in the direction of your face and yet those sinister eyes are not focusing on you. The narcissist is looking to find themselves in that river of water like Narcissus in the original Greek mythology.

They are thinking only of themselves as you stand before them, attempting to convey something that they vaguely recognize as human emotion.

If you are angry, they will hit every possible painful button you have, in order to elicit more anger from you.

They are aware that the anger hurts you and they drink it like a drug.

If it is sadness that you are laying before them in some last ditch effort to drag some semblance of humanity out of them, then they will push every possible button you have, in order to draw out every last drop of sadness in you.

They will continue doing whatever will work until your shaking body cannot tolerate another tear dripping uselessly from your eyes.

Then as you are crying or yelling or pleading with them, they will stare at you as if nothing that you are feeling has anything remotely to do with them.

It occurs to me, after some recent study of Paul Ericson’s research on micro-expressions, that they might be holding their face completely still in order to control those expressions that might give them away.

The monster that lies beneath that blank, emotionless stare is far more sinister than just a robot that functions like Spock from Star Trek, with all logic and none of those pesky emotions.

No. It’s not a complete lack of all emotion that narcissists feel. That would be much more harmless, and not nearly as dark.

But it’s a frightening lack of Spock style logic that is actually happening beneath those blank and ice cold eyes. Those eyes that you would swear shone black for just a micro-second a minute ago, but then … that must have been your imagination running away with you….right ?

The real monster peaks out through that blank stare. It watches you from behind those eyes almost in a trance as your display of pain feeds its hunger.

As the energy drains from you, the monster feeds.

The monster is constantly hungry. If It gets too hungry it rages, so it must continually feed.  And you…their favorite source of food…are their primary meal.

Those cold eyes drink your blood like a vampire feeding with its teeth sink deep into the victim’s neck, sucking the dripping blood as it runs greedily down their chin.

If you were to imagine a starving vampire’s feeding frenzy…that would be close to what is going on behind those eyes…that emotionless, responseless stare…that fleeting glint of black, covering all the white in their eyes…then subsiding into an icy cold hazy, glazed over look.

This is a look that you should run from when see it.

That blank stare when you are pouring out your emotion to them. That stare that happens when they deny any accountability for the hurt they have brought into your life.

That icy cold anger that is conveniently covered over by a blank expression from two glazed over eyes. A state that looks almost inhuman in its lack of perceivable emotion.

The cold state of the narcissist is concealing the fact that they are trying to keep the beast from coming unhinged. They don’t really care what you are saying. They are drinking in your pain.

Narcissists and psychopaths enjoy negative supply at least as much as positive supply.

As long as they are the one causimg you to feel the emotions, then they have food.

Sometimes you can create a narcissistic injury by disagreeing with them, or by expecting to be treated as an equal to them. The state that comes from their trying to conceal their contempt for you will create one of the icyest stares of all. You have questioned their authority to Lord over you. After all would be nothing without them… would you?

You owe them for your very existence…and more importantly…you owe them big time for allowing you access to their presence in your life.

Make no mistake…the narcissist considers you are getting a great blessing to be allowed within their presense, never mind allowed to be a part of their inner circle.

You have been extended a great gift from the narcissist’s point of view. You had better act right and give up any ideas of re-attaining your personal freedom.

The beast that lies behind those black eyes is not a tolerant one. It expects your complete obedience no matter how confusing their needs might seem to be for you to meet.

That icy state is to dehumanize you…to make you feel beneath them. If you continue to question them, then the narcissist or psychopath will have to teach you a lesson. It’s for your own good of course.

You have to learn. After all, the beast cannot be questioned. Those eyes warn you not to press the issue, less you take on a harsher lesson rather than just a warning.

 

The Masterpiece — a cooking pot and twistedtales

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GettingrealwithPTSD

Originally posted on REINVENTIONS BY REENA: “Edit your life frequently and ruthlessly. It’s your masterpiece after all” Nathan W. Morris Written for All New Writers’ Quote Challenge https://haddonmusings.com/2016/12/29/all-new-writers-quote-challenge-8/ ?

via The Masterpiece — a cooking pot and twistedtales

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The Spider & The Fly

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A Healthier Love

This poem always reminds me of how an abuser lures us in with pretty words and pretty things so that they can control and devour us from the inside out. Their Charm is so alluring but can be Deadly.

The Spider and The Fly

“Will you walk into my parlor?” said the spider to the fly;
“’Tis the prettiest little parlor that ever you did spy.
The way into my parlor is up a winding stair,
And I have many pretty things to show when you are there.”
“O no, no,” said the little fly, “to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair can ne’er come down again.”

“I’m sure you must be weary, dear, with soaring up so high;
Will you rest upon my little bed?” said the spider to the fly.
“There are pretty curtains drawn around, the sheets are fine and thin,

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Accepting Emotions and Healing Old Wounds – Emotophobia

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GentleKindness

Instead of trying to stop feeling the emotions that you feel, when you see them as negative emotions, show yourself love. Accept the emotions you are feeling.

Investigate within yourself and find out why you are really feeling this emotion. Show compassion and empathy to yourself and allow yourself to have feelings without judging yourself for them.

Emotophobia is the fear of negative emotions. Many people that grew up with chaos, trauma or abuse, have a form of emotophobia. You may have been taught that feeling certain emotions was wrong or bad.

Many of us were taught that feeling certain emotions was selfish, weak and that you were to be judged for it. You should not have to judge yourself for feeling things.

Repressing emotions does not make them go away. It does not deal with the problem that is underneath of the emotions that are coming up.

Being judged…

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