Important things to teach our children
-to think for themselves
-think through the words and behaviors of others
– to listen to your own intuition
– feelings in your head and your body are always telling you something
-If something feels wrong it probably is
-If something does not make sense to you, then someone may be manipulating you.
-Balance is important in everything…especially relationships
-You do not have to pay now to benefit later in a relationship. It is an idea the manipulative people want women to buy
-Everyone is not innately good, although many people are
-Don’t overlook things you do not like in a relationship just because you do not want to be alone
-Learn to be happy spending time alone
-You are worthy of being treated special
-Anyone who tells you that you cannot do better than them is lying
-You never deserve abuse
-If someone makes you feel bad a lot of the time, the relationship is not food for you
-Your self esteem is important and anyone who cares about you knows this
-No one should be condescending or sarcastic to you in a relationship
-There is “no time frame” for having to fall in love, get married or be committed
-Someone who loves you will not pressure you
-Someone who cares about you will not shame or guilt to manipulate you
-Punishments and retaliation are not part of a loving relationship
-You should not have to change for anyone
-No one is going to change for you
-There is no “point of no return” about leaving a relationship
-Another person does not make you “whole.” You are already complete.
-You don’t have to follow any path just because someone else wants you to.
Image by Dr. David McDermott
Psychopaths are 1 in 25 people. That is a high number.
They are disguised as regular people….pillars of the community….coaches of your kid’s sports team….pastors of your church….your therapist….the local police officer….your surgeon…..your date from Match.com…
Learn the signs of psychopaths. Educate yourself about the red flags, their tactics, and the way they manipulate their prey. They think with their reptilian brain….you are the prey and they are the predator.
Psychopaths only blend in because people do not know what they are looking at, and they dismiss the signs even when they are right in front of them.
Stay safe and keep your kids safe. Psychopaths can be charming and they know how to press your emotional buttons. They get into your mind by eliciting emotional reactions from you.
These are people that you do not want to allow into your life. Once they are in, it can be hard to get rid of them. They retaliate on people that reject them in ways that you cannot imagine, unless it has happened to you.
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Abuse causes PTSD in the victims. If you are having symptoms of depression, anxiety, trouble remembering things, flashbacks, and trouble getting on track with life after an abusive relationship, then you probably have PTSD or C-PTSD.
Years , or even months of abuse will cause physiological changes in the brain. For videos about PTSD from abuse, and C-PTSD see my YouTube channel HERE.
This is a great interview with Thomas Sheridan about psychopaths in society. He taks about how psychopaths target empaths, because compassionate, empathic people will feel sorry for them, when they tell you that initial sob story. They will tell you a story that they either make up, or exaggerate about how abused they have been , or some trauma in their life.
Then they will judge your reaction. They know how an empath will react to a story like that, and they evaluate their prey in this way.
They suck the energy and life force of empaths, in addition to manipulating you in order to get things from you.
He also discusses how psychopaths are parasites. They need to attach to enablers, codependents, and empaths, in order to feed off of your energy. They are sadistic and get pleasure from creating chaos and trauma in your life.
He also talks about the red flags to identify a psychopath. He talks about word salad and other language techniques. The are charming and mirror the qualities you want and the your core values. They want to jump into a relationship with a partner very fast, so that there is no time for the victim to recognize who they are.
He explains the way they use different masks, and they do not take any responsibility for things they did when they were using another mask. They never admit guilt for anything they do.
If you are recently out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist or a psychopath, you might want to take some time to heal before you go back out into the dating world.
I know if can be very hard, because you feel lonely. You are used to being attached with one person and it is very difficult to be alone.
Toxic loneliness is one of the main reasons people go back into another abusive relationship, or they go back to their abuser. You can weather the storm of this, even though it will not be easy.
Being a victim of a narcissist, makes you a prime target for another one. Narcissists can spot you out of other people. It is like they can smell blood in the water. They have learned to read body language, and other signs of someone who will fall easily into their trap.
You would think that you would be able to spot another abuser, since you have already been through that, but you need to be well healed before you will be able to recognize them.
The new narcissist will seem different than the old one, because they look different, smell different and have different interests. They have a different job, live in a different town, and use different lines on you.
Once they get you talking, they will find out about your last relationship. They will seem sympathetic and tell you that only losers would treat a woman that way. They might tell how well they believe women should be treated and that they have no respect for those kinds of weak men who prey on vulnerable women.
If you are a man looking for a woman, the game will go similarly but probably with more sensual lure. The new narcissistic woman will sympathize with your pain from your last relationship. She will seem to care about what you went through. She will tell you that she believes in honesty and being straight with someone.
You will forget that the main tool in the narcissists’s tool box is lying.
You will be taken in by their charm and you will forget how the narcissist puts on the mask that you want to see.
If you need to fill the void that the last abuser left in you, then another narcissist will promise to fill that void. You will think that you could not possibly have such bad luck as to find another abuser, when you just got away from one.
It has nothing to do with luck. Narcissists and psychopaths are like sharks that search for blood in the water. They can smell fear, pain and vulnerability. They are so good at mirroring you, that they will convince you that they are tired of predators too. They will tell you a story to make you feel like you want to take care of them.
Recovering from an abusive relationship takes at least 5 times as long as recovering from a regular breakup.
You cannot heal in a couple of months. Not if they put you through the full gaslighting game and interfered with your reality. They left programming in your head.
The energy you are giving off is at the level that the narcissist left you at. Once you are able to bring that vibration up to a higher level, you will be safe from predators. But as long as it is low, it will be felt and be a match for psychopaths.
You will think that you are now sensitive to abusive tactics, but in your subconscious is programming that desensitized you to them. You have been brainwashed into believing that you should tolerate certain behaviors.
Your self esteem has been crushed and your subconscious brain still believes that you need to tolerate abuse in order to prove that you love someone.
You have to get to the point where you are comfortable alone with yourself. You have to get through the healing process until you are able to take good care of yourself. Self love is critical in order to not fall for a predator again.
If you are still thinking of ways to be good enough for someone else, then you are not ready. When you think someone should be good enough for you, then you are on the right track.
You are special. If you were no special in some way, a psychopath would not have preyed in you and kept you for so long. You were someone they wanted to break, because you have qualities that the narcissist will never have.
Healing from abuse is a process with many layers.
At some point you will realize that you need to heal old emotional wounds that go back to a time way before you ever met your abuser. These wounds need to be brought to the surface and cared for.
Your inner child is probably fractured in some way.
Emotional wounds cause fractures of the whole person. These fractured parts need to be integrated. The inner child that was traumatized needs to be nurtured. No one can do that work for you, but you can be guided in doing that work yourself.
Blessings for peace of mind,
For more information about healing from narcissistic abuse visit my web site gentlekindnesscoaching.com