abusive men, abusive relationships, domestic abuse, emotional abuse, Uncategorized

The Dark Triad Type of Predator

There is a type of predator that is so dark, that the results of any relationship with one of them is the destruction of basically everything they can possibly destroy in regards to you and your life.

These narcissistic predators will cause their victims to sink into such a pit of darkness that you will have  have moments where you believe that death might be a welcome relief.

They drive their victims to having deep depression and often suicidal thoughts. You will find yourself questioning whether you were mentally unbalanced the whole time, rather than wanting to think that the abuser caused it on purpose.

This type of dark creature appears nearly normal in public, so that no one suspects anything is wrong with them. They might even be well thought of in the community as a humanitarian, a scholar, an artist, or a leader.

Little do their circle of associates know that there is a dangerous contempt and rage seething at their core. There is a resentment of authority and an extreme obsession with manipulation and control.

The rage usually only occurs once the curtains are drawn and the doors are locked. However, it is always lurking just below the surface of their well constructed mask.

The Dark Triad Predator lures their victims into their battle field by covering it with roses, Christian crosses, bibles, yoga mats, money, or whatever else will hold your attention just long enough to keep you from looking too deep into their eyes.

They don’t want you to see it yet.

No. Not so soon. These things must be carefully times.

Showing the rage too soon might cause fear or horror to creep into your mind prematurely.

That just wouldn’t do, now would it?

In order to disguise the creature that lurks beneath, this abuser avoids your glance.

Sometimes they will acknowledge your look while turning to the side or pointing to something alternate for you to look at.

It’s too early to let on.

They don’t want to reveal it yet.

Occasionally, in a bold moment, they may look right at you while in the midst of a vivacious monologue about themselves. But if you really looked…

But you didn’t,  did you?

All evil things come to those who wait, particularly if the waiting is being done by a target of this predator.

They will carefully monitor their vocal tone so as not to allow a glimmer of that rage  to seep through.

They don’t want you to hear it yet.

These predators will use slight of han, smoke and mirrors, and other tricks to get you to see the image they want you to see.

The image they want you to see is the good hearted person you have hoped for. It’s not time for you to look too deeply.

They don’t want you to see it yet.

Their conversations will engage, charm, and lead your mind towards imagining hopeful things for the future.

They are lying because they don’t want you to see the black pit that lies before you. Its just beyond the next step you’re getting ready to take.

The ground is getting ready to open. There is a gaping black hole just beyond where you’re standing, and the abuser won’t let on.

No, they want to lead you forward in the way that any great leader leads others. They promise rewards for believing in them and hint that it is best never to actually question them.

No. It’s better not to question them.

Not out loud.

Not in your mind.

Not at all. Not ever.

Little by little you learn to keep your opinions, your ideas, your suggestions and your gut feelings about things they say to yourself. You are being groomed.

You are being trained. You are being brainwashed. You are being indoctrinated into their world.

This is life with a dark triad personality. The three elements are narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellian personality.

Their world only really consists of them. Everyone else is a pawn in their great game of chess.

But they don’t want you to know it yet.

No. They don’t want you to see the blackness in their evil eyes. They don’t want you to hear the fury that is lying just beneath their well crafted exterior.

But most of all, they don’t want you to see what you are standing on. The fire that burns beneath the ground is building and the heat is increasing.

At a certain point, you will have reached the point of no return. Yes, maybe you could have made a polite, yet firm exit earlier on, but it’s too late for you now.

Even attempting to step a toe off that unholy ground would singe your toes and spread up your foot. No. There is no painless way out.

There is no way out from their clutches without severe losses. One of those losses could be your children. It could be your sanity. Or it could be your life.

Yes. Your life as you once knew it to be is no more. You can never go back. Not ever.

Moving forward from this point on will be pain, loss, grief, and extreme loss. So many losses.

But what do you know? The floor has been covered with those roses for some time now. Petals of softness under your feet.

Yes. Perhaps a thorn or two may have drawn a few drops of blood from time to time.

How many times you ask yourself? That’s funny. You can’t really remember. It’s like your memory has been affected.

Even when you try to think about stepping off of that predator’spredator’ s grounds, you don’t really see the edge of things. Maybe you’re tired. Maybe your perception has become a bit confused.

The edges have become blurred, haven’t they? The concept you once had of yourself has also become blurred. Blurred against what you wonder? Blending between yourself and who exactly?

You wonder who this dark stranger is. The one that spits vile words at you for reasons you cannot understand. Perhaps you are not as intelligent as they are to understand why they rage? Maybe.

Or maybe the person you thought you were being lead by is not the person you thought they were. Maybe, they are not a normal person at all.

You try to remember the things that once drove you. What sparked your passion ? Why has your brain been fully focused on the wants and desires of this one individual?

What happened to the person you used to be? It’s like you have been eviscerated. But how? You can’t remember now. Besides there’s no time for that.

The creature needs to be fed and looked after. After all, you wouldn’t want to upset him would you?

You know what could happen if he feels you are not doing you very best to serve and obey him, don’t you?

No?

Maybe you need a reminder, he roars at you. After all I’ve done for you and given up for you?

“I’m so sorry,” you mutter, with your head down. Your eyes look down at your toes, without dating to raise themselves up.

You don’t dare look into those eyes. You know the ones. They used to be a soothing brown, or perhaps a lovely blue.

But not lately. No. Not for quite some time.

Those eyes are black holes. That dark stare frightens you. No. Better to keep your head down, or at least look away.

You can pretend you’re like a little girl who’s been naughty. Maybe that will garner some human instinct in the creature.

But deep down, you know it won’t bring any humanity out in him. No. Nothing can brought out if it were never there in the first place.

There is only cruelty. There is only punishment. There is only shame. There is only them.

They wanted it that way all along. For you to be blurred with them. But why do they loath you so? Why aren’t they happy you have sacrificed yourself for Then?

You were supposed to do it. They were entitled to your submission. It’s not a gift of love. They don’t have to appreciate you.

You belong to them. They believe that you must obey them. They don’t see it as a choice. After all, they are so powerful. Once they will something to come about, it must come about.

You are merely a shadow of themselves. They have attributed their most loathsome qualities into you. Now they can spew all their contempt and hatred your way.

And when the sun shines again, it will not shine for you. And it will not shine for the creature.

As the sunlight dances off the beauty of the day, it dances for the person that does not exist. It shines for the illusory image that the creature covers itself with during the day.

As for you. You’ll have to hold the hand of that person that does not exist. And pray the creature lurking beneath does not come out to feed tonight.

Keep your head down. Avert your eyes. Speak carefully. Walk gently.

And whatever you do…. don’t look into their eyes.

You won’t like what you’ll see.

…..image from Pinterest

Advertisements
abuse, abusive men, abusive relationships, domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, narcissistic abuse, Uncategorized

PTSD from Mental Emotional Abuse

.

All people have needs to survive. We need to have proper shelter, food and health care. People need to feel safe and that their needs will be met.

 

.

Maslow developed the hierarchy of needs theory in 1943. He stated that people have needs that must be met before other ones. The basic needs for shelter and safety must be met for all people.

.

There is no room for fun, learning, socializing or self-actualizing without the basic needs being met first.

The person fails to thrive. All the things other people do are just not the priority. The safety is the priority and dominates the person’s thoughts and emotions.

.

When someone is in a living situation where these needs are not met, they are left feeling vulnerable and afraid. The situation is unsafe and potentially life threatening.

.

There are different types of domestic abuse. All of them involve the person being stripped of their self-esteem and being denied basic needs that every human has.

.

There are men and women who experience violence against them in their own home. There are episodes of violence and there is a constant threat of violence.

.

This threat forces the brain to be on alert and suspicious all the time. Your brain learns that it needs to be on high alert at all times, to search the environment for danger. 

.

.

The brain is not designed to be in this state for a prolonged periods of time and damage can occur to the way the brain assesses the possibility and level of potential threats for years to come.

.

There are domestic abuse situations which involve financial abuse. People are controlled financially and cannot take care of their own needs. This kind of abuse can keep the victim feeling trapped into the relationship, because they have no means to support themselves on their own. 

.

I lived in an abuse situation years ago in which I had to go without heat for most of a very cold winter.

.

My money was controlled and I was not “allowed” to purchase heating oil. I still fear the cold and fee post traumatic stress reaction when the winter season begins to make its way into my state.

.

When a person is not taken care of and not permitted to take care of themselves, it causes a trauma.

.

It is terrifying to feel that you are in danger of freezing, going hungry, going without medical care and any other basic needs. When someone denies you basic human needs it is frightening and creates a horrible feeling of vulnerability.

.

Living in these types of abusing situations also causes severe damage to a person’s self-esteem. They may doubt their own ability to provide for their own basic needs for years after the original trauma.

.

The feeling of being vulnerable and in danger is carried in the brain and in the nervous system.

.

.

Any situation which is a reminder of the original traumatic abusive situation can trigger a post traumatic stress attack. The person will collapse under the weight of the fear and not be able to function normally.

.

In addition to traumatic attacks (like severe panic attacks), the person can have a constant feeling of being unsafe. They feel that any minute something could happen to put them in a place of fear and danger.

.

Most people have never been in a dangerous situation of violence of of being in danger of starving or freezing to death. They have never been in a situation where someone threatened to cause them to lose their job unless they were compliant.

.

We have lived through an on-going situation of terror and physical and mental abuse. Being forced to go without basic needs is mentally abusive as well as physically abusive.

.

It is also emotionally abuse to be shunned and made to feel like an outcast in your own home.  We need to be loved. You need to be accepted and supported by others. It is a survival instinct to be part of a family or tribe of some kind.

.

How could the person we trusted and loved, allow us to suffer like that? They made us feel that we were at fault or that we did not deserve to be taken care of?  We did not deserve to be able to take care of ourselves.

.

It is difficult for people to understand the post traumatic stress that can result from living in a domestic abuse situation. It can take years to feel safe again or the person may never feel truly safe

 

.

..A person who survived domestic abuse trusted someone who violated them in the worst possible way. They treated them like they were not human. It is very hard to truly trust anyone again after that happens to you.

.

..

It is a terrible thing to live with post traumatic stress disorder. It is sad that so many people do not understand how we feel. 

.

We have lived through situations where there was a very real threat. In our minds, what is to keep it from happening again. Our good judgement?

.

We feel like our judgement let us down already. How can we trust ourselves? With time you can re-wire the neural pathways that have been affected by the abuse.

 

.

One of the things to understand is that it is not your judgement that let you down. You probably had a gut feeling that something was wrong, early in the relationship. But you were conditioned during your lifetime to ignore that intuition, especially if the evidence you perceive tells you that your gut reaction is not warranted.

.

.

If you grew up in an emotionally abusive house as a child, then your feelings were not given any priority. Your thoughts and feelings were shut down. So you learned to discount them as an adult. 

.

 

You have to learn to listen to your intuition and know that your feelings are there to guide you, as well as to protect you. Your feelings will warn you about predators and people that are unhealthy for you to be with.

.

.

My hope is for awareness that will generate some understanding. I also pray that all of the many people suffering PTSD from domestic abuse are able to one day find peace and a feeling of safety.

Namaste,
Annie

abuse, abusive men, abusive relationships, aftermath of abuse, aftermath of narcissistic abuse, anti-social personality disorder, dating a narcissist, dating an abusive guy, emotional abuse, gaslighting, healing after narcissistic abuse, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, malignant narcissistic personality disorder, mental abuse, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic psychopath, Narcissists, overcoming narcissistic abuse, Psychopath, PTSD from domestic abuse, red flags of a narcissist, Uncategorized, victim of narcissist, women abuse, women in history, women's history month, women's issues

Victim Blaming and Re-traumatizing Abuse Victims

Being in an intimate relationship with a psychpath awakens your reality to a darkness you never knew existed. You always knew that there were serial killers and rapists in the world, but you never knew they could be hidden behind a charming exterior.

You consented to being close to the person they presented themselves to be. But you never consented to being intimate with someone who carries darkness within them.

When you hear people say that you chose to be in a relationship with an abuser, it is confusing and re-traumatizing. They make their point by saying that you had free will and walked into the relationship with open eyes.

They do not understand the mind manipulatiin of a psychopath and how your reality was very different at the beginning of the relationship than it is now.

Not only do you have to come to terms with the cognitive dissonance of the two different realities…the person you thought you were sleeping with….and the person you were actually sleeping with……

You now have to listen to this other proposed reality that you went into the relationship with an abuser with open eyes and free choice.

Only two kinds of people would say this to you….Pathological narcissists….and very closed minded judgemental people who think they are better than you, because of course…it would never have happened to them!

The narcissists that post comments like this on the youtube blogs of survivors are sadistically gaslighting the victims. They are intentionally twisting your reality,  which they are fully aware has already been twisted by one of “their kind.”

Victim blaming is most often instigated by pathological narcissists. Other people may believe their lies because they are being manipulated by the narcissist. So the very people saying that no one can have their mind manipulated….are having their own minds manipulated….and their beliefs fed to them by a narcissist.

 

abuse, abuse red flags, abusive men, abusive relationships, aftermath of abuse, aftermath of narcissistic abuse, dating an abusive guy, devaluation, domestic abuse, domestic violence, gaslighting, healing after narcissistic abuse, healing from domestic abuse, narcissism, narcissist, Narcissist psychopath, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic psychopath, Narcissists, narcopath, overcoming narcissistic abuse, Psychopath, psychopathic abuse, Uncategorized, verbal abuse, women abuse, women in history, women's history month

Women’s History Month and Abuse Awareness

Just posted on Tumblr Narcissistic Abuse Blog

Abuse of Women and How it Has Influenced Women’s History

As part of women’s history month we have to realize the importance of domestic abuse, partner abuse and rape. The awareness of abuse of women needs to be highlighted. More awareness is needed.

Victim blaming and myths about abuse victims needs to be an important part of women’s history month. How many women have had their lives cut short due to a violent partner? 

How many women have been emotionally abused with gaslighting and intentional brainwashing tactics by a predator who targeted them? 

What great things might these women have accomplished, had they not been controlled and manipulated by an abusive partner?

How many potential contributions to human kind have been interfered with, by an abuser who crushed down the self esteem and undermined her ability to follow her dreams?

Awareness of mental, emotional and other kinds of abuse of women, needs to be addressed and light needs to be shed on how this has affected women’s history, and continues to do so. 

abuse, abuse red flags, abusive men, abusive relationships, aftermath of abuse, domestic abuse, domestic violence, emotional abuse, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, overcoming narcissistic abuse, Psychopath, psychopaths, Uncategorized

Teach Your Children to Avoid Abuse

 Important things to teach our children

-to think for themselves 

-think through the words and behaviors of others

– to listen to your own intuition

– feelings in your head and your body are always telling you something

-If something feels wrong it probably is

-If something does not make sense to you, then someone may be manipulating you.

-Balance is important in everything…especially relationships

-You do not have to pay now to benefit later in a relationship.  It is an idea the manipulative people want women to buy

-Everyone is not innately good, although many people are

-Don’t overlook things you do not like in a relationship just because you do not want to be alone

-Learn to be happy spending time alone

-You are worthy of being treated special

-Anyone who tells you that you cannot do better than them is lying

-You never deserve abuse

-If someone makes you feel bad a lot of the time, the relationship is not food for you

-Your self esteem is important and anyone who cares about you knows this

-No one should be condescending or sarcastic to you in a relationship

-There is “no time frame” for having to fall in love, get married or be committed

-Someone who loves you will not pressure you

-Someone who cares about you will not shame or guilt to manipulate you

-Punishments and retaliation are not part of a loving relationship

-You should not have to change for anyone

-No one is going to change for you

-There is no “point of no return” about leaving a relationship

-Another person does not make you “whole.” You are already complete.

-You don’t have to follow any path just because someone else wants you to.

abuse, abuse red flags, abusive men, abusive relationships, dating a narcissist, domestic abuse, domestic abuse blog, domestic violence, healing after narcissistic abuse, healing from domestic abuse, narcissism, narcissist, Narcissist psychopath, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic victim abuse syndrome, Narcissists, narcopath, overcoming narcissistic abuse, people pleaser syndrome, Psychopath abusive relationship, psychopathic abuse, psychopaths, PTSD from domestic abuse, Uncategorized

Socialized Psychopaths

psychopath socialized

Image by Dr. David McDermott

Psychopaths are 1 in 25 people. That is a high number.

They are disguised as regular people….pillars of the community….coaches of your kid’s sports team….pastors of your church….your therapist….the local police officer….your surgeon…..your date from Match.com…

Learn the signs of psychopaths. Educate yourself about the red flags, their tactics, and the way they manipulate their prey. They think with their reptilian brain….you are the prey and they are the predator. 

Psychopaths only blend in because people do not know what they are looking at, and they dismiss the signs even when they are right in front of them. 

Stay safe and keep your kids safe. Psychopaths can be charming and they know how to press your emotional buttons. They get into your mind by eliciting emotional reactions from you. 

These are people that you do not want to allow into your life. Once they are in, it can be hard to get rid of them. They retaliate on people that reject them in ways that you cannot imagine, unless it has happened to you. 

More info – Follow my facebook page gentlekindnesscoaching facebook