Just because we point out the hole someone is about to fall into, does not mean we are being cruel to the person who dug the hole.
We are just trying to keep the person from falling in, because we recognize the hunter who is patiently watching them….and waiting for that person to fall into their carefully crafted trap.
When the prey sees the hunter through the rose colored glasses he gave them, they think we are demonizing the hunter.
They are under the spell of the narcissist. The narcissist usually anticipates that their discarded victim will try to warn other about them. Always 5 steps ahead of you, the narcissist has already gotten to the people you might warn, before you ever think of telling them the truth.
You have most likely already been discredited by your abuser, with lies about your anger disorder, your mental instability and your desire to be vindictive. It does not have to be the truth for the new victim to believe it. It simply has to come out of the mouth of the narcissist that they are now under the spell of.
You have little to no chance to convince the new victim to believe you about the nature of the abuser. It is just the same as when you were first under the spell of the predator yourself.
You probably would not have believed an emotional ex girlfriend who they had already told you was abusive to them. They will think you are either trying to get the narcissist back for yourself, or that you want to break them up to prevent their happiness.
Two abusive parents can come in various combinations of Cluster B personality disorders. If you grew up with two parents that were abusive, then you went through hell and there is emotional trauma that is still affecting you as an adult.
The DSM designates narcissistic personality disorder as a personality disorder, along with a few others. Malignant Borderline personality disorder is often co-morbid with narcissistic personality disorder. But is has some extra characteristics including extreme mood disregulation and fear of abandonment.
Psychopathy is called anti-social personality disorder in the DSM. It is extreme narcissism with some other characteristsics, including a disregard for the law and rules of society. Narcissism is on a spectrum, which has anti=social personality disorder at the far right side.
Histrionic personality disorder is also a Cluster B personality disorder. It is narcissism with an obsession with sex. The histrionic is a female disorder, whereas the majority of psychopaths are male…but not all.
Two people with a cluster B personality disorder sometimes get together for various reasons. Neither of the partners is equipped to raise children with kindness or compassion. They care about themselves and not the needs of the children.
Depending on the combination of personality disorders, the couple may stay together or break up. Two narcissists can sometimes work together to each get their needs for narcissistic supply met. This is not a loving relationship, but a functional agreement.
Children of two narcissists will be subject to extreme manipulation and control by the parents. Both parents are abusive, in an emotional and mental way. One or both may be sexually inappropriate with the children. Often one parent will turn a blind eye to what the other one does to the child.
Adult children of narcissists have C-PTSD from the years of on-going abuse. Covert abuse can damage the child as much or more than overt physical abuse. Adult children of parents that were covertly, mentally abusive don’t always know that they were abused at all. The damage is there, but the adult child of mental abuse does not know what is wrong with them.
People with C-PTSD from abuse often have depression, and anxiety disorders. They may have problems with executive function, which is the part of the brain that helps us to organize, manage our lives and other skills that most “normal” people use to survive.
Day to day tasks can be difficult for people with C-PTSD. Sometimes people do pretty well surviving for years, and then suddenly have an emotional / mental crash, when the repressed trauma begins to bubble its way to the surface.
It is common for adult victims of abuse to be lured by narcissistic predators. There are certain characteristics of a survivor of abuse, that attract predators to prey on them. Low self esteem makes it easy for the predator to invade the victim;s boundaries. A desensitization to abuse makes it easy for the abuser to confuse the victim into rationalizing the abuse.
The first step to recovering from C-PTSD from childhood abuse is to recognize abuse…and to call abuse “abuse.”
Recovery from abuse requires re-wiring the neural pathways of your brain. Growing up with narcissist means years if conditioning and brainwashing. Many of the beliefs that you hold deep in your subconscious are false. Negative feelings about yourself and your capabilities come from brainwashing from the narcissistic family.
Getting therapy of coaching can help you to sift through the abuse, and to identify what false beliefs you are carrying. If you are being held back in life by mental tapes that keep playing in your head, these messages can be changed and your brain can be re-wired so that you can be your authentic self.
There is nothing wrong with you. You have great self worth. Understanding the true value to your authentic, natural self can help to get your life back on track. Any therapist or life coach you work with needs to have an understanding of narcissistic abuse and narcissistic abuse syndrome.
If you are interested in coaching for overcoming narcissistic abuse and C-PTSD from abuse, you can check out the gentlekindness web site. There is a contact page where you can send me a message to let me know you are interested in setting up coaching.
Visit the site here..http://www.gentlekindnesscoaching.com/
You can also get more information and connect with other victims at the facebook page here….https://www.facebook.com/gentlekindnesscoaching/?ref=bookmarks
I have videos about abuse and abuse recovery at my YouTube channel here.…https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJw1QUDzb59PbWTcnGjGJ7g/videos
The aftermath of an abusive relationship can seem more painful than the abuse we actually withstood during the relationship itself. The darkness of the predator looms over us, both in our conscious minds and in our dreams.
Weird nightmares awaken us in the darkness of the early morning hours. The shadow of the psychopath seems to be palpable and real. It is as if they have burrowed their wau deep into our subconscious brains.
In many ways that is true. The gaslighting has affected our subconscious. Cognitive dissonance has created confusion, as our brains struggle to sort out who we were actually in love with….the false image that never really existed? or the person that actually inhabits that body that slept next to us at night?
You feel violated….raped…like your emotions and your soul have been violated in a crime.
It is an invisible crime. No one can prove it ever happened. The evidence is left in the form of PTSD, depression, nightmares, anxiety and often times suicidal thoughts.
It would not surprise me if a good percentage of suicides could be attributed to some form of narcissistic abuse. That is… if anyone knew what they were looking for.
Even the victims often have no idea what has happened to them.. Why their brains are no longer functioning the way they used to. .. Why they have lost their motivation to live.. to work….to socialize. .. to take care of themselves….
It is a “failure to thrive” syndrome. The narcissistic has stripped their victim of their dignity, their self esteem, their sense of self….and their confidence in their ability to perceive reality properly.
Narcissistic abuse Syndrome is….
Loss of ability to prioritize oneself
And difficulty finding anybody….including therapists…who can understand or help at all
Lack of validation of your trauma
Executive function problems
Fight or flight responses
This is why it is so important to spread awareness and to validate the victims. The tendency to want to self-isolate is strong.
Some level of solitude is needed for introspection, but too much isolation can be destructive.
The psychopath infects the victim with a virus-like program to self destruct. They want to leave you broken and crushed.
You are not alone. None of it was “all in your head.”
Share your experiences with people who will validate you. Having your story disbelieved by people willonly re-traumatize you.