abusive relationships, aftermath of abuse, anti-social personality disorder, emotional abuse, gaslighting, healing after narcissistic abuse, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, leaving an abuser, malignant narcissistic personality disorder, mental abuse, mental illness, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic abuse syndrome, narcissistic victim abuse syndrome, Narcissists, PTSD from domestic abuse, PTSD from mental abuse, red flags of a narcissist, scapegoat, scapegoating, self esteem, Uncategorized

Healing from C-PTSD and PTSD from Mental Abuse – Identifying Your Own Voice

It takes practice and patience to learn to hear your own intuition and inner voice, after you have been conditioned over time to ignore your own true perceptions. 

 You have a wisdom inside of you that is compassionate and intelligent. You can choose to perceive yourself and the world around you in a whole new way !

The narcissist tried to silence your voice, minimize it, confuse it and discredit it. But you still have an inner voice inside of you…. that can lead you in ways that will support your mental and emotional health. 

Feel your senses and what they are telling you.

Every sensation is part of your guidance system. If something feels wrong, it probably is.

You can Learn How to Over-ride the Untrue Perceptions 

Learn to trust your intuition and to hear your own guiding voice. There are other voices in your head, but you can learn to tell which one is your own. Programming put into your brain during childhood emotional and mental abuse will cause the negative “tapes” that play inside your head. 

Negative tapes playing in your head, are just left over voices with false information from other people.

Things you hear yourself thinking that are negative about yourself, are like computer viruses that were put into your brain, without your consent!

When you are very young, you depend on your parents and caretaker to interpret the world for you. You turn to them to explain the meaning of things that happen.

Children need to know they have innate value, that is detached from mistakes they make or things they do. You have innate value. The things you do or do not do, do not change your true worth as a person.

Once you know that you have worth, then you will be able to do and try things you could never have imagined you could do !

Self Soothing

Self soothing is an important skill that people who grew up in emotionally abusive households, never were taught. You were not taught to sooth yourself, but rather you were taught to berate yourself and shame yourself. 

Children and teenagers need guidance to learn how to sooth themselves, when something bad happens. If you have C-PTSD from mental abuse as a child, then your feelings about bad things that happened to you were minimized, criticized and called selfish.

Learning what selfish is Not

You need to learn that it is not selfish to set boundaries, and to protect your emotional and mental health. You have every right to take care of your own brain and your own heart.

If you grew up in an abusive environment, then you were told it was selfish when you tried to express your feelings about the things that were happening around you. The controlling parent wanted everything to revolve around them. They never considered your feelings about decisions they made, or their behaviors. 

You probably developed “emotophobia” from being shut down every time you expressed your feelings about ad things that happened. Even expressing good feelings like joy, and self esteem were crushed down, and called selfish. 

The Shaming Voice

Shaming is one of the worst of the “viruses” that was programmed into you. No one self shames naturally. Babies do not come into the world feeling shame. 

Parents that are manipulative, narcissistic, and mentally abusive, shame you for things that you should not have had to feel bad about. Now as an adult, you still hear those voices in your head anytime you make a mistake, or even do anything that elicits a negative reaction from other people.

What Thoughts are Your Own?

Thoughts that you are a bad person, that you are inadequate, and that you will fail when you try to do something….these were programmed into you over years of negative reactions to you by your caretakers and people you trusted to love you. 

Other people may have added to your negative perceptions about yourself. Teachers, bullies that were your peers, abusive babysitters and other people that you were exposed to as a child, may have added their own toxic spice to your view of yourself.

When you feel passionate about doing something that you feel called to do…

When you feel confident about something you want to give to the world…

When you know just for a second that you have something special to offer to the world, because only you have the unique gifts that you were born with….

When you feel called to help someone else, or other people in some way, by using your own ideas, knowledge, love, and other gifts…

These things are your own voice and you can tell because these thoughts support you.

But…..

When that thought comes in that tells you that …

you are not good enough

you are inadequate

there is something wrong with you 

you do not deserve to be happy

you have nothing special to offer

you will just screw it up so why bother trying…

These are the NOT your own thoughts and you can tell because they do not support you. 

You have my permission….to give yourself permission to….. Let Go of All Thoughts and Behaviors that No Longer Support You.
Just because someone told you that these negative perceptions about yourself were true, does not make them true!

Emotional Wounds

Living in an abusive, chaotic traumatic childhood left emotional wounds on your heart. These wounds are carried around by you.

They are fed by the negative thoughts that someone once told you were true. Thoughts that you are not good enough. Thoughts that the world around you cannot be trusted and that you should shut yourself down and never try to bloom into the beautiful flower that you really are. 

Abusive Partners Re-open Old Emotional Wounds

Old emotional wounds were reinforced by any abusive partners you ended up with as an adult.

Abusive partners are highly skilled at identifying and re-opening old emotional wounds. Narcissist and psychopaths target people who are carrying emotional wounds from childhood. They can identify you from other people.

Abusers know how to gain your trust , so that you will reveal all of your weaknesses and wounds to them. Then they will turn the table and throw salt in your wounds, in order to control you.

Your reptilian (primal) brain always tries to keep you away from danger. The abuser know how to activate that fight or flight mode in your brain, and make you feel in danger.

The reopening of emotional wounds is so painful, that it is one of the favorite tools of the narcissist to use against you. 

They will make it clear to you that they will injure you in the worst possible ways, if you do not comply with them. They will use your old wounds against you, by threatening to, and by throwing salt into them.

You will want to avoid this pain by any means possible, and then you will comply with them in order not to have to be re-traumatized by someone recreating your past trauma for you.

You Can Self Generate Feelings of Self Worth

Once you realize that the negative programs in your brain, are not true, then you can begin to re-write these programs in ways that best support you. You never learned to self generate feelings of self worth, but you can learn now.

If you want to find out more…please visit my web site gentlekindnesscoaching.com and add your name to the email list.  ……Also you can follow me on my gentlekindnesscoaching facebook page !

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abuse, abuse red flags, abusive men, abusive relationships, aftermath of narcissistic abuse, anti-social personality disorder, domestic abuse, emotional abuse, gaslighting, healing after narcissistic abuse, healing from domestic abuse, narcissistic psychopath, Narcissists, narcopath, overcoming narcissistic abuse, Psychopath, psychopathic abuse, Uncategorized

Another Red Flag of a Psychopath

 

image chef beware
Beware of someone who tells you about how their friends or coworker say nice things about them, as a way to tell you how great they are. But then you never actually meet these people.
You may never meet these friends, employees or coworkers. Or you may eventually you find out that these people actually cannot stand them. You may find out that employees fear them, their family members avoid them, or that their “best friend” has been trying not to talk to them and the narcissist keeps harassing them. 
 
This is one of the ways the narcissist promotes themselves… by telling you what other people say about them. It is more believable for them to tell you what other people say, than telling you how great they are themselves.  So they make up things and say that other people say them.
They keep parts of their lives, and people separated so that they can lie about what other people say. They use this to impress you with what other supposedly say about them. They also use this to tell you that others abused them. 
So, just be careful about someone who does a lot of talking about themselves by way of telling you what other people think about them. It can be a red flag. See what happens when you ask to meet these people and if the relationships seem to match what they told you.

Originally posted on the facebook page for gentlekindnesscoaching.com

https://www.facebook.com/gentlekindnesscoaching/

abuse, abusive relationships, aftermath of abuse, aftermath of narcissistic abuse, anti-social personality disorder, dating a narcissist, devaluation, domestic abuse, domestic violence, gaslighting, healing from narcissistic abuse, hoovering, narcissist, Narcissist psychopath, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic psychopath, narcopath, no contact, no contact from narcissist, overcoming narcissistic abuse, post traumatic stress disorder from domestic abuse . mental abuse, PTSD from domestic abuse, PTSD from mental abuse, red flags of a narcissist, tactics of the narcissist to manipulate, Uncategorized, victim of narcissist

Betrayal by the Narcissist

The aftermath of narcissistic abuse can be brutal…even worse than the abuse when you were in the relationship. If you are wondering why you seem to be in worse shape now, than when you were in the relationship, you are not alone.

The narcissist intentionally caused you to become addicted to your role, and your identity, that they made you accept. During the idealization phase they bombarded you constantly with messages and phone calls.

This was to intentionally alter your chemicals, in order to create an addictive bond with them. This is a very addictive bond, in which the brain and the body become dependent upon the dopamine release when you think about the narcissist, or hear their voice.

You were conditioned to crave this interaction, their approval, and their validation of your reality. Within a month or so, your brain began to be unable to regulate your stress level without the narcissist regulating them for you.

This is part of their design. The narcissistic psychopath  intentionally creates a chemical addiction in you. This makes their Silent Treatments, and dissapprovals , during the Devaluation phase that much more painful.

After all….is there any relationship you have ever bern in…other than with a narcissist or a psychopath…that caused you such high levels of toxic loneliness, feelings of emotional disregulation, and mental pain…..when you were apart from them for a few days….or did not hear from them for a few hours, when they had promised to call….

This is addiction. It has physiological evidence in your brain. You could see it, if you had an MRI machine handy. This is intentional and this is what the Love Bombing is all about.

It is also why they revert….although temporarlily…to the idealization phase….anytime they feel they are losing their hold on you. By reverting to the idealization phase temorarily, the narcissist confuses your brain as well as creating a chemical explosion in you.

Those feelings of having that adfiction satisfied come back, and for that…you will not….and cannot leave them. Your brain always craves that next fix of chemicals and the narcissist knows this.

They intentionally use this addiction to manipulate you. They hold a power over you, like no other person can.

And when the relationship ends, you go into a terrible withdrawal of these chemicals that you were trained to be addicted to.

You crash fast and hard. The symptoms are similar to that of any drug addict that has been cut off from their drug of choice. It is not your fault.

It is not your fault. It was done without your consent. You never asked for this. You never saw it coming. You never saw it happening to you.

The withdrawal from narcissist or a psychopath is terrifically painful, and grueling to go through. You are the most vulnerable during this stage of recovery, to be hoovered back in by the apologetic narcissist.

It is understandable why victims go back to the narcissist, if they attemt to hoover them bac. In within the first six months. The chemical addiction and withdrawal symptoms seem to have a painful hold on survivors of a narcissist, for 6 months or more.

So why does your life fall apart? It is like what any other addict experiences. All aspects of your life are affected….from your emotional and mental states, to your physical health and immune system.

Keeping up with daily living activities is very difficult. Going to work is difficult. You become sleep deprived from insomnia, because your brain cannot self regulate your nervous system.

You are not crazy. A person that told you they cared about you, intentionally messed up your brain. They would do it all over again if they got the chance….and they may try…

Being tortured by someone you loved…and probably still love….is the worst form of betrayal.

 

 

 

abuse, aftermath of narcissistic abuse, anti-social personality disorder, devaluation, domestic abuse, domestic violence, emotional abuse, gaslighting, healing after narcissistic abuse, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, leaving an abuser, malignant narcissistic personality disorder, mental abuse, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic abuse syndrome, narcissistic victim abuse syndrome, Narcissists, Uncategorized

Facebook Page for Narcissistic Abuse

Visit my Facebook page for Healing from Narcissistic Abusegentlekindnesscoaching

abuse, abusive relationships, aftermath of abuse, aftermath of narcissistic abuse, anti-social personality disorder, emotional abuse, gaslighting, healing after narcissistic abuse, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, malignant narcissistic personality disorder, mental abuse, mental illness, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic abuse syndrome, narcissistic victim abuse syndrome, overcoming narcissistic abuse, Psychopath abusive relationship, PTSD, PTSD from domestic abuse, PTSD from mental abuse, Uncategorized

Finding Your Inner Voice After Abuse

It takes practice and patience to learn to hear your own intuition and inner voice, after you have been conditioned over time to ignore your own true perceptions. 

 You have a wisdom inside of you that is compassionate and intelligent. You can choose to perceive yourself and the world around you in a whole new way !

The narcissist tried to silence your voice, minimize it, confuse it and discredit it. But you still have an inner voice inside of you…. that can lead you in ways that will support your mental and emotional health. 

Feel your senses and what they are telling you.

Every sensation is part of your guidance system. If something feels wrong, it probably is.

You can Learn How to Over-ride the Untrue Perceptions 

Learn to trust your intuition and to hear your own guiding voice. There are other voices in your head, but you can learn to tell which one is your own. Programming put into your brain during childhood emotional and mental abuse will cause the negative “tapes” that play inside your head. 

Negative tapes playing in your head, are just left over voices with false information from other people.

Things you hear yourself thinking that are negative about yourself, are like computer viruses that were put into your brain, without your consent!

When you are very young, you depend on your parents and caretaker to interpret the world for you. You turn to them to explain the meaning of things that happen.

Children need to know they have innate value, that is detached from mistakes they make or things they do. You have innate value. The things you do or do not do, do not change your true worth as a person.

Once you know that you have worth, then you will be able to do and try things you could never have imagined you could do !

Self Soothing

Self soothing is an important skill that people who grew up in emotionally abusive households, never were taught. You were not taught to sooth yourself, but rather you were taught to berate yourself and shame yourself. 

Children and teenagers need guidance to learn how to sooth themselves, when something bad happens. If you have C-PTSD from mental abuse as a child, then your feelings about bad things that happened to you were minimized, criticized and called selfish.

Learning what selfish is Not

You need to learn that it is not selfish to set boundaries, and to protect your emotional and mental health. You have every right to take care of your own brain and your own heart.

If you grew up in an abusive environment, then you were told it was selfish when you tried to express your feelings about the things that were happening around you. The controlling parent wanted everything to revolve around them. They never considered your feelings about decisions they made, or their behaviors. 

You probably developed “emotophobia” from being shut down every time you expressed your feelings about ad things that happened. Even expressing good feelings like joy, and self esteem were crushed down, and called selfish. 

The Shaming Voice

Shaming is one of the worst of the “viruses” that was programmed into you. No one self shames naturally. Babies do not come into the world feeling shame. 

Parents that are manipulative, narcissistic, and mentally abusive, shame you for things that you should not have had to feel bad about. Now as an adult, you still hear those voices in your head anytime you make a mistake, or even do anything that elicits a negative reaction from other people.

What Thoughts are Your Own?

Thoughts that you are a bad person, that you are inadequate, and that you will fail when you try to do something….these were programmed into you over years of negative reactions to you by your caretakers and people you trusted to love you. 

Other people may have added to your negative perceptions about yourself. Teachers, bullies that were your peers, abusive babysitters and other people that you were exposed to as a child, may have added their own toxic spice to your view of yourself.

When you feel passionate about doing something that you feel called to do…

When you feel confident about something you want to give to the world…

When you know just for a second that you have something special to offer to the world, because only you have the unique gifts that you were born with….

When you feel called to help someone else, or other people in some way, by using your own ideas, knowledge, love, and other gifts…

These things are your own voice and you can tell because these thoughts support you.

But…..

When that thought comes in that tells you that …

you are not good enough

you are inadequate

there is something wrong with you 

you do not deserve to be happy

you have nothing special to offer

you will just screw it up so why bother trying…

These are the NOT your own thoughts and you can tell because they do not support you. 

You have my permission….to give yourself permission to….. Let Go of All Thoughts and Behaviors that No Longer Support You.
Just because someone told you that these negative perceptions about yourself were true, does not make them true!

Emotional Wounds

Living in an abusive, chaotic traumatic childhood left emotional wounds on your heart. These wounds are carried around by you.

They are fed by the negative thoughts that someone once told you were true. Thoughts that you are not good enough. Thoughts that the world around you cannot be trusted and that you should shut yourself down and never try to bloom into the beautiful flower that you really are. 

Abusive Partners Re-open Old Emotional Wounds

Old emotional wounds were reinforced by any abusive partners you ended up with as an adult.

Abusive partners are highly skilled at identifying and re-opening old emotional wounds. Narcissist and psychopaths target people who are carrying emotional wounds from childhood. They can identify you from other people.

Abusers know how to gain your trust , so that you will reveal all of your weaknesses and wounds to them. Then they will turn the table and throw salt in your wounds, in order to control you.

Your reptilian (primal) brain always tries to keep you away from danger. The abuser know how to activate that fight or flight mode in your brain, and make you feel in danger.

The reopening of emotional wounds is so painful, that it is one of the favorite tools of the narcissist to use against you. 

They will make it clear to you that they will injure you in the worst possible ways, if you do not comply with them. They will use your old wounds against you, by threatening to, and by throwing salt into them.

You will want to avoid this pain by any means possible, and then you will comply with them in order not to have to be re-traumatized by someone recreating your past trauma for you.

You Can Self Generate Feelings of Self Worth

Once you realize that the negative programs in your brain, are not true, then you can begin to re-write these programs in ways that best support you. You never learned to self generate feelings of self worth, but you can learn now.

If you want to find out more…please visit my web site gentlekindnesscoaching.com and add your name to the email list.  ……Also you can follow me on my gentlekindnesscoaching facebook page !

abuse, abuse red flags, abusive relationships, aftermath of abuse, aftermath of narcissistic abuse, anti-social personality disorder, blame shifting, domestic abuse, emotional abuse, gaslighting, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, mental abuse, Narcissist psychopath, narcissistic abuse, overcoming narcissistic abuse, PTSD from domestic abuse, scapegoat, scapegoating, Uncategorized

Mobbing and Scapegoating

One of the worst brainwashing suggestions that scapegoats receive is that they are not loved…not even liked. Not only does the family treat you like a defective appliance, they also lead you to believe that no one could ever love you.

They have techniques and mothodology to program your brain into believing you are unlovable and unlikable. None of it is true, but if you have experienced hardcore mobbing and scapegoating, you know how it feels to wonder why no one loves you.

The narcissist and their followers will systematically break you down. They make you doubt your identity and the person you want to see yourself as. They violate your perception of yourself, and make you feel like you deserve to be left out…not just by them….but by everyone.

This isolation can be devastating.

Please know that the narcissists methods are cruel and unusual punishment, which you do not deserve. They targeted you for mobbing because they needed everyone to share their narrative of reality. The narcissist needed someone to blame for all the chaos and damage they caused.

They intentionally isolate you from having friends and other family who love you. They drove away anyone who might mirror your true self back to you. Instead, they lied and told you that you are defective.

This abuse is so painful that is can lead to chronic anxiety and depression. In fact nearly everyone I have ever met with bipolar disorder was exposed to some kind of abuse by a narcissistic, abusive family member.

As the scapegoat, you were the one everyone pointed their fingers at to blame for everything. When you tried to stand up to the abuse, they found a twisted way to make you think that it was your fault. That there was something about you that made them have to treat you they way they did.

If you are an adult now, and ended up with an abuser, or in a family of abusive in-laws, they are just continuing the same dark patterns that all abusers engage it.

Even when you begin to see abuse as abuse, and learn about narcissism, the self doubt still exists. It can be like a pervasive darkness.

Reach out to others who will validate your truth. Find people who can accept and love you for the person you really are. Get away from that twisted picture that your abusers hung on their wall and pointed to as you.

Abuse is abuse. You never did, nor do you now, deserve to be manipulated, mobbed or scapegoated.

You are a special, unique soul with compassion, and special gifts to share with others who deserve your time and your love.

Blessings,

Annie

anti-social personality disorder, dating a narcissist, domestic abuse, domestic violence, emotional abuse, gaslighting, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, malignant narcissistic personality disorder, narcissist, Narcissist psychopath, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic psychopath, narcissistic victim abuse syndrome, Narcissists, Psychopath, psychopathic abuse, PTSD from domestic abuse, Uncategorized

Lying Narcissists and Psychopaths

Narcissists and psychopaths lie. They lie as easily and fluidly as other people pour their coffee. They lie as often as other people say hello.

Lying is part of their day. Lying to confuse. Lying to manipulate. Lying to make you look crazy.

Lying is there number one tool. …like the serpent in the Garden of Eden. The more they lie, the better they get at it. And they lie hundreds of times in a week.

They lie when it would be easier to tell the truth and more risky to lie. They lie to cover up their lies. They lie looking you right in the eyes.

They lie when they say “I would never lie to you.”