abusive relationships, aftermath of narcissistic abuse, blame shifting, gaslighting, Uncategorized

Dealing with Narcissists Everywhere

.

Once you begin to study narcissism and psychopathy, you begin to  realize how many narcissists you have crossed paths with over the years.

The behaviors of pathological people are often hard to understand. You are likely to leave interactions with them feeling confused and crushed down.

When you are interacting with a narcissist, your thoughts and feelings are discounted. Any reasoning you try to do with them is met with a brick wall.

It is often better not to even give them reasons for your thoughts and feelings. Giving them reasons, just causes them to laugh at, mimimize and disregard you as a person.

They like to train you not to try to reason with them. They do not want to hear any side of things other than their own.

They will train you with rewards and punishments…. but mostly punishments. You will get anxiety when you even think about trying to get them to hear your side of a situation.

The narcissist will systematically train you to associate negative feelings with discussing anything with them. After having to feel embarrassed, insignificant, dumb, and guilty from repeated interactions with them, your brain will activate the fight or flight mode when you are picturing a conversation with them.

In your mind, you can play out scenarios. You can run through scenes in your head, based on different ways you can approach them and different things you can say to get them to see your side. But these scenes will always play out with the narcissistic getting the upper hand.

They will twist your words around. They will intentionally misconstrue what you are saying. They will use selective hearing, to miss important details of what you say.

You will find your reasons minimized pr disregarded, even if they are based on research that you can show them. They will not look at any proof you have, to back uo your reasons.

Your feelings will always be discounted and you will be made to feel that you have no right to ask them to consider your feelings.

Narcissists have no respect for your boundaries. They do not care how situations will affect you. You simply do not matter to them.

abuse, abusive relationships, aftermath of abuse, aftermath of narcissistic abuse, blame shifting, emotional abuse, malignant narcissistic personality disorder, mental abuse, narcissism, narcissist, Narcissist psychopath, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic abuse syndrome, overcoming narcissistic abuse, Psychopath, Uncategorized

Narcissistic Abuse Blogs and Submissions

Submissions for the on Narcissistic Abuse blog on ConvoZone are being accepted now. 

You can submit your personal stories about your experience with abuse, or poetry. Articles that are designed to enlighten other victims and survivors are also being accepted.

All submissions will be held for my moderation. I will get to them on a first come first serve basis, as soon as I can. 

You are also welcome to submit posts to the Lovely Wounded Lady blog. Or you can always give a link to your posts, in the comments section below here.

Annie

abuse, blame shifting, domestic abuse, domestic abuse blog, domestic violence, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, leaving an abuser, malignant narcissistic personality disorder, mental abuse, narcissism, narcissist, Narcissist psychopath, narcissistic abuse, overcoming narcissistic abuse, psychopathic abuse, PTSD from domestic abuse, red flags of a narcissist, triangulating, Uncategorized, victim of narcissist, women abuse

Narcissists Lie When They Tell You They are Co-Parenting with You

counter parent

image credit facebook / whisper

abuse, abuse red flags, abusive relationships, battered women, blame shifting, devaluation, domestic abuse, domestic violence, mental abuse, narcissism, narcissist, Narcissist psychopath, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic psychopath, narcissistic victim abuse syndrome, Narcissists, Psychopath, Psychopath abusive relationship, red flags of an abusive person, red flags you are dating an abuser, Uncategorized, verbal abuse

Escalating Partner Abuse and Domestic Violence

Domestic abuse increases in intensity over time. There are certain red flags to look for that often predict future violence.

Please know that any kind of restriction of your movement or freedom of mobility is abuse. If your partner is angry and blocks the doorway so you cannot leave and you are afraid to pass them, this is abuse. This behavior often leads to holding, hitting and other physically abusive behaviors.

Someone holding your wrists to keep you from leaving, or holding your body so you can’t move, against your consent, to keep you from leaving the room, is physical abuse.

Your partner sitting on top of you to hold you down, in anger, is abuse. If they accidentally “bump into you” hard enough to injure you, or to threaten or frighten you, this is abuse.

Verbal threats of physical violence are abuse. Damaging your property and punching holes in the walls to frighten you, is abuse.

Swinging their fist or hand, near to your face or body, to frighten you, is abuse. Other behavior which is abusive is taking your keys, or hiding your keys so you cannot leave the house.

Anything designed to force you to stay when you want to leave is abusive. This includes hiding your car or disabling your car. Also interfering with your car payments such as by intercepting your mail or computer payment.

Threatening your children, and implying threats to your children is abuse, and often is a sign of more escalated violence to come.

Pregnancy often escalates abuse. Children living in the house that do not belong to the abuser, is a red flag to watch for physical abuse, if other signs mentioned above have occured.

You should not feel threatened or frightened by your partner. It is not normal.

You should not feel like you have to walk on egg shells not to anger your partner. Love is not controlling and manipulative.

If someone loves you they want you to feel safe. Someone who loves you will accept you for who you are, and not demand you change for them and comply with everything they want.

Abusers feel entitled. They think of you as something they own. They expect you to know what they want and how they want it. They sometimes will intentionally change the rules without telling you, just to see you “fail.”

If any of these things sound familiar, please begin to find a way out of the relationship. But be careful about how you leave them.

Confronting a control freak partner can lead to sudden violence that you may not expect. Contact a women’s shelter so that they can advise you about safe escape.

Blessings,

Annie

abuse, abuse red flags, abusive relationships, aftermath of abuse, aftermath of narcissistic abuse, anti-social personality disorder, blame shifting, domestic abuse, emotional abuse, gaslighting, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, mental abuse, Narcissist psychopath, narcissistic abuse, overcoming narcissistic abuse, PTSD from domestic abuse, scapegoat, scapegoating, Uncategorized

Mobbing and Scapegoating

One of the worst brainwashing suggestions that scapegoats receive is that they are not loved…not even liked. Not only does the family treat you like a defective appliance, they also lead you to believe that no one could ever love you.

They have techniques and mothodology to program your brain into believing you are unlovable and unlikable. None of it is true, but if you have experienced hardcore mobbing and scapegoating, you know how it feels to wonder why no one loves you.

The narcissist and their followers will systematically break you down. They make you doubt your identity and the person you want to see yourself as. They violate your perception of yourself, and make you feel like you deserve to be left out…not just by them….but by everyone.

This isolation can be devastating.

Please know that the narcissists methods are cruel and unusual punishment, which you do not deserve. They targeted you for mobbing because they needed everyone to share their narrative of reality. The narcissist needed someone to blame for all the chaos and damage they caused.

They intentionally isolate you from having friends and other family who love you. They drove away anyone who might mirror your true self back to you. Instead, they lied and told you that you are defective.

This abuse is so painful that is can lead to chronic anxiety and depression. In fact nearly everyone I have ever met with bipolar disorder was exposed to some kind of abuse by a narcissistic, abusive family member.

As the scapegoat, you were the one everyone pointed their fingers at to blame for everything. When you tried to stand up to the abuse, they found a twisted way to make you think that it was your fault. That there was something about you that made them have to treat you they way they did.

If you are an adult now, and ended up with an abuser, or in a family of abusive in-laws, they are just continuing the same dark patterns that all abusers engage it.

Even when you begin to see abuse as abuse, and learn about narcissism, the self doubt still exists. It can be like a pervasive darkness.

Reach out to others who will validate your truth. Find people who can accept and love you for the person you really are. Get away from that twisted picture that your abusers hung on their wall and pointed to as you.

Abuse is abuse. You never did, nor do you now, deserve to be manipulated, mobbed or scapegoated.

You are a special, unique soul with compassion, and special gifts to share with others who deserve your time and your love.

Blessings,

Annie

abuse, abusive relationships, aftermath of narcissistic abuse, battered women, blame shifting, dating a narcissist, domestic abuse, domestic abuse blog, emotional abuse, gaslighting, gentlekindness coaching, healing after narcissistic abuse, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, narcissism, narcissist, Narcissist psychopath, narcissistic abuse, Narcissists, narcopath, overcoming narcissistic abuse, Psychopath abusive relationship, PTSD from domestic abuse, red flags of an abusive person, red flags you are dating an abuser, tactics of the narcissist to manipulate, Uncategorized

Narcissists Lie to Shame You Into Submission

Narcissists speak lies on a regular basis. They intermix lies with the truth and reframe truth in ways that confuse your perception.

One of the ways narcissists lie has to do with time and and amount. This one is nearly impossible to detect unless you are aware of how they do this.

Let’s say the narcissist wants to give you the perception that they have been thinking of you a lot and making a great effort to get together with you….

Narcissist Version -I have been trying for three weeks to get ahold of you. You are very difficult to get ahold of.

Perception they want you to have – They have been trying hard to get ahold of you and there must be something wrong with your phone or email. You should feel guilty or at fault for not getting their messages

Truth- They did not think of you at all for the last few days ( or weeks) and left you three urgent sounding, annoyed messages within the last 24 hours that they cannot reach you.

Here is another example …

Narcissist – I am surprised you are spending Thanksgiving with us. This is the first one you have spent with us for many years

Perception they want you to have -You apparently have a bad memory of the last  several years.  Their account must be right. You should feel guilty for being selfish.

Truth – You have spent every single holiday with them, including Thanksgiving and Christmas for the last 7 years with the exception of last Thanksgiving that you spent with your grandmother , who had not seen you on a holiday in 7 years.

Here is one more for you…

Narcissist – I am always apologizing to you. You are attacking my self esteem. I should not have to apologize all the time. You always think you are in the right.

Perception they want you to have – You make them apologize often. You never apologize. You always point out when they do something you do not like.

Truth – You are always careful not to point out when they are wrong. You walk on egg shells around them so as not to upset them. They demand that you grovel at their feet when you make a tiny infraction of their rules, even if you had no possible way to comply or did not know they had changed the rules on you.

The narcissist uses these tactics to achieve a few things. The main one is to shame you and “put you in your place.”

They know that if they can make you feel bad for them or make you feel guilty, then they can manipulate you.

Emotional manipulation is one of the favorite tools of the narcissist. If they can force you into certain emotional states then they can control you.

Another reason they use these tactics is to play the victim. They do this to redirect your focus from the actual victim which is you.

As long as the narcissist can appear to be suffering from your maltreatment of them, they can deny any intentional abuse of you. After all…they are at the mercy of your bad behaviors…aren’t they?

 

 

 

abuse red flags, abusive relationships, blame shifting, life, mental abuse, mental health, mental illness, narcissist, Narcissist psychopath, narcissistic abuse, narcopath

Blame Shifting

blame shifting