abuse red flags, abusive men, abusive relationships, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, life, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, narcopath, Psychopath, psychopathic abuse, red flags you are dating an abuser, safe dating

Narcissists, Psychopaths and the LAW OF ENTROPY

The Law of Entropy is defined by google as follows:

lack of order or predictability; gradual decline into disorder.
“a marketplace where entropy reigns supreme”
synonyms:
deterioration, degeneration, crumbling,decline, degradation, decomposition,breaking down, collapse

The  concept of the Law of Entropy is that everything decays, deteriorates, gets weaker, or falls apart over time. 

Narcissists believe that relationships follow this Law Of Entropy. They know in their minds that a y relationship is doomed to end after a period of slow torturous crumbling. The only question to them is who is in control of the deterioration as opposed to who will be surprised by it. 

Narcissists choose to be  the one who ends relationships before the other person can leave first. If the other person ended the relationship this would invalidate the narcissist’s need to be all powerful, all knowing and all desirable and sought after.

If anyone is going to end a relationship, it is going to be them.

Particularly narcissists that are co-morbid with borderline personality disorder fear abandonment. Being abandoned could inflict pain and the narcissist wants to be the one who is in charge of any pain that is to be inflicted. 

They take this Law of Entropy a step further and twist it into something that is sadistic. As long as the relationship is doomed and the victim is going to “turn on them” eventually anyway, the narcissistic psychopath will make the “devaluation stage” which is leading up to the discard, as painful and slow as humanly possible. 

The devaluation phase will not only prove the Law of Entropy…it will take it to a whole new level. This is the design of the narcissist and the psychopath. 

The relationship not only decays slowly and painfully, but the victim is broken down bit by bit psychologically so that when the “Zombie Witch Doctor” leaves the victim, they are a broken shell of who they once were.

The term “Zombie Witchdoctor” was coined by Richard Grannon and you can click on the term to watch the video where he describes this in detail. This is a great video that I would recommend you watch. It is not too long and you will see a new perspective on this issue of how narcissists break the victim down psychologically, as well as emotionally.

The Law of Entropy is learned by the victim. They are broken down emotionally, psychologically, financially, cognitively, and physically.

They are left with PTSD and a compromised immune system that causes them to develop sicknesses and sometimes disease. 

*Personally, I was hospitalized for infection of internal organs three times after my relationship with a psychopathic narcissist. In addition I was in the emergency room with life threatening infections at least 6 times within a 6 month period. 

The body does not escape the abuse, even if there is no physical striking, punching, kicking or bruising that can be seen by the naked eye.

When there are severe levels of trauma, and ongoing periods of forced fear, the body is flooded with too much cortisol and other stress hormones.

Check out this article about Cortisol and Adrenal Function. 

The victim’s cognitive function is been broken down along with their ability to work and function the way they used to be able to. 

Their Executive Function part of the brain is compromised. You can see my video about this topic HERE. 

The skills needed to get up, dust yourself off and recover from financial devastation are lacking. The narcissist will leave the victim in the worst financial state that they are able to. This adds to the suffering and the continued mental interference of the victim by the abuser. 

The Law of Entropy states that things will continue to break down over time,  until there is nothing useful left of them or they die. ‘

The narcissist wants to leave the victim is an ongoing state of deterioration, so that they will continue to get worse after the narcissist is long gone from the scene. 

They may even check in with you just to see how you are doing, in the hopes to hear how broken you are and how much of a affect they had on you.  This makes them feel all powerful and enforces their grandiose sense of self. 

Not only does the narcissist see relationships in relation to the Law of Entropy, they also see their  pathological space this way too. The term pathological space was coined by Sam Vaknin. I recommend that you watch his video about this topic HERE.

The narcissist tends to move more frequently than other people. Over time their narcissistic environment is likely to break down because of all the wreckage in the lives of people that have interacted with the narcissist.

Once the people in the area have become wise to the tactics of the narcissist, he can no longer play his game and has to move on. People may be actively trying to undermine him or otherwise seeking to out a stop to his evil games. 

The narcissistic psychopath will move on to a new location… probably a new state.

They will line up narcissistic supply ahead of time by visiting the new place and setting up their reputation there.

They will begin their love bombing and otherwise setting up the illusion about their false self that they want to be perceived. 

They leave the broken down previous pathological space behind and simply move on to a new life.

In this new life they might re-invent their false self or tweak their mask. Whatever will work to gain narcissistic supply in the new pathological space is what they will portray. 

And so it is with the narcissist and the psychopath. The Law on Entropy is one of things that drives their decisions.

They protect themselves and plan for the deterioration of their sources of narcissistic supply because they are like a vampire…and sooner or later.they will suck the blood from too many of the people in their narcissistic space, hence ruining the entire town, state, or area, for themselves.

Once it is used up, the narcissist will abandon the pathological space and never look back. The people they leave behind are “out of sight, out of mind” as far as the narcissist is concerned. 

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abuse, abusive boss, life, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, Narcissists, Psychopath, revenge on a narcissist, revenge on a narcissistic boss

Taking Revenge on Your Narcissistic Boss – Reasons Not to Do It

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abusive relationships, domestic abuse, domestic violence, healing from narcissistic abuse, life, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic abuse syndrome, narcopath

How to Get a Narcissist Back ? Search Term -Why You Should Not Take Them Back

I frequently check my statistics page and it tells me what search terms landed people on my blog. I was sad and concerned to see that one of the search terms was “How to get a Narcissist Back”

If you are considering getting your narcissist back or you know someone who is… please note the following truths. It is very hard to know the truth. In fact coming to terms with the truth is one of the hardest parts of overcoming narcissistic abuse.

Going No Contact is hard for all of us.  Many of us have been through it and others are still suffering with the chemical addiction and the nightmares from narcissistic abuse.

There are factors that contribute to the difficulty of a break up with a narcissist that are above and beyond normal break-up suffering. There are chemical reactions and reactive behavior to the sympathetic nervous system that make going NO Contact torturous.

You will feel lonely and you will go through tremendous emotional pain. This is all in addition to mental pain and confusion that comes from having your reality manipulated. There can be a brain fog and even feelings of depersonalization and derealization.

You may feel lost and that you can not find a way to go on without them. You will remember the “nice” things they did for you and your memories will trick you into thinking this was real.

Here is a list of reasons why you should hang on and hold your No Contact position. Have faith that the addiction will calm down with time. I know the feelings are like going through a drug withdrawal and it seems like it will go on forever. But it doesn’t.

Here is the list I came up with. If anyone has additions that I have not thought of, please leave them in the comments section here.

  1. Any “nice” things the narcissist did for you was to manipulate you.
  2. They did not love you.
  3. They lied……all the time.
  4. If they were showing any signs of violence, the violence will only get worse if you go back with them because they will respect you even less and feel all powerful over you because they were allowed to abuse you and you still took them back.
  5. If they never showed any signs of violence they  might this time. Abuse always escalates when you are on a second round with them.
  6. They do not deserve a second chance. You gave them many second chances while you were in the relationship with them.
  7. They were grooming their next target while you were with them and you did not know it.
  8. They had already decided when they were leaving you while they were still saying “I love you”
  9. If you have kids, they are in danger of psychological and possibly physical damage if you go back to the narcissist
  10. They will put you through the idealization phase all over again. You will fall for them harder and believe that they have changed. Then they will hit you harder than ever with the devaluation phase and the abuse.
  11. Narcissists tend to live a double life. It is likely that they will stay with their current victim and not tell you they are still with them.
  12. Your financial situation will be in danger. You could lose everything you own.
  13. Your reputation will be danger. They will launch a major smear campaign against you and you won’t know about it until it is too late.
  14. They will either deny you sex and make you feel cheep for wanting it or they will use you like a sex toy that is something they bought in the Adam and Eve catalogue
  15. You are not a person to the narcissist. You are just a prop, a tool and something for them to use and abuse
  16. You can have a better life without them and every time you take them back it will be more difficult to recover your life back
  17. There are people that are real and honest that would be good to you in a relationship
  18. You matter and your purpose in the world matters. Your skills and gifts are being wasted on the narcissist
  19. They are not helpless but they lie to get you to do everything for them any neglect your life.
  20. You will become less and less secure about who you are as a person . Your entire identity is at stake.
  21. They might be a psychopath and are far more dangerous than you know
  22. They are likely to have alternate identities that you know nothing about
  23. You could end up in court with them accusing you of abuse and you will be in such a bad mental state that the system is likely to prosecute you and side with the abuser
  24. You could become sick or disabled from abuse or other reasons and you would be at the mercy of the abuser to care for you
  25. You will be isolated from the people who love you and could help you
  26. You could become pregnant and your child would have an abusive father / You could get her pregnant and your child would have an abusive mother…and she would probably win the children in court
  27. You job , career and any future dreams will be in danger if being interfered with by the narcissist
  28. Your friends and family members will be in danger of abuse from the narcissist

Now we have 28…let’s see if you guys can add at least 2 more to the list. We need to warn people not to go back if they are searching this term. I intentionally used this search term in the title to this post so that it will come up when they search this.

Blessings,

Annie

domestic abuse, emotional abuse, life, mental abuse, narcissism, narcissistic abuse, Narcissists, Psychopath, psychopathic abuse

Aftermath of Narcissistic Abuse and Problems with Executive Function

PTSD from being is an ongoing abusive relationship can cause problems with remembering things, paying attention and focusing. You feel like you are lost in a fog and that part of your brain is gone. It is hard to do normal tasks that are usually no problem at all.

This feeling of being in a fog is not uncommon with PTSD. You will be reading something and then end up having to re-read the same paragraph three times and still not know what you read.  You might have trouble following simple verbal or written directions. You feel like you are coming down with Alzheimer’s disease.

Many people that experience this brain fog are afraid to say anything about it.  You probably feel like no one would understand and it is also hard to describe.

Have you ever looked while you were driving and had no idea where you were? This happened to me several times during the first couple of months after my abusive relationship ended. It was scary and I felt like I was going crazy.

This brain fog is weird and scary. You wonder if it will go away and when it will stop. Are you stuck like this feeling stupid and unable to function forever?

Usually this is a temporary response to severe PTSD after an abusive relationship. It will probably go away. It does help to know that you are not the only one.

This brain fog is a result of the brain changes that occur when your brain is experiencing  trauma.  Certain parts of the brain are now on overload, like the amygdala which is in charge of the “fight or flight” mode. Your brain is on constant alert scanning the environment for threats and danger.

Our brains were not designed to be in a constant ongoing state of alert like this. The “fight or flight” mode is designed to be on for a few minutes in order to prepare you for dealing with a dangerous situation. It is not supposed to endure a situation like being in a constant state of threat by an abusive person.

The “Executive Function” is the part of the brain that controls functions that have to do with organizing, managing tasks, creating and following steps to get something done and focusing on what you are doing. People with a low executive function will have trouble paying attention and focusing.

When the amygdala is in a constant “On Mode” , other parts of the brain are affected and end up working at a less functional level. The executive function effectively “takes a hit for the team.”

With your executive function down you will have trouble with many things including concentrating, following directions and having a clear mind.

domestic abuse, emotional abuse, life, mental abuse, Narcissist psychopath, narcissistic abuse, Narcissists, narcopath, Psychopath, psychopathic abuse

PTSD Caused by Neglect and Abuse by a Partner

All people have needs to survive. We need to have proper shelter, food and health care. People need to feel safe and that their needs will be met.

Maslow developed the hierarchy of needs theory in 1943. He stated that people have needs that must be met before other ones. The basic needs for shelter and safety must be met for all people.

There is no room for fun, learning, socializing or self-actualizing without the basic needs being met first.

The person fails to thrive. All the things other people do are just not the priority. The safety is the priority and dominates the person’s thoughts and emotions.

When someone is in a living situation where these needs are not met, they are left feeling vulnerable and afraid. The situation is unsafe and potentially life threatening.

There are different types of domestic abuse. All of them involve the person being stripped of their self-esteem and being denied basic needs that every human has.

There are men and women who experience violence against them in their own home. There are episodes of violence and there is a constant threat of violence.

This threat forces the brain to be on alert and suspicious all the time.

The brain is not designed to be in this state for a prolonged periods of time and damage can occur to the way the brain assesses the possibility and level of potential threats for years to come.

There are domestic abuse situations which involve financial abuse. People are controlled financially and cannot take care of their own needs.

I lived in an abuse situation years ago in which I had to go without heat for most of a very cold winter.

My money was controlled and I was not “allowed” to purchase heating oil. I still fear the cold and feel very unsafe and can go into a state of post traumatic stress when I fear that I will be forced to be cold. Even the oncoming winter is frightening to me.

When a person is not taken care of and not permitted to take care of themselves, it causes a trauma.

It is terrifying to feel that you are in danger of freezing, going hungry, going without medical care and any other basic needs. When someone denies you basic human needs it is frightening and creates a horrible feeling of vulnerability.

Living in these types of abusing situations also causes severe damage to a person’s self-esteem. They may doubt their own ability to provide for their own basic needs for years after the original trauma.

The feeling of being vulnerable and in danger is carried in the brain and in the nervous system.

Any situation which is a reminder of the original traumatic abusive situation can trigger a post traumatic stress attack. The person will collapse under the weight of the fear and not be able to function normally.

In addition to traumatic attacks (like severe panic attacks), the person can have a constant feeling of being unsafe. They feel that any minute something could happen to put them in a place of fear and danger.

Most people have never been in a dangerous situation of violence of of being in danger of starving or freezing to death. They have never been in a situation where someone threatened to cause them to lose their job unless they were compliant.

We have lived through an on-going situation of terror and physical and mental abuse. Being forced to go without basic needs is mentally abusive as well as physically abusive.

It is also emotionally abusive. We need to be loved.

How could the person we trusted and loved, allow us to suffer like that? They made us feel that we were at fault or that we did not deserve to be taken care of. We did not deserve to be able to take care of ourselves.

It is difficult for people to understand the post traumatic stress that can result from living in a domestic abuse situation. It can take years to feel safe again or the person may never feel truly safeIt is hard to trust people again.

A person who survived domestic abuse trusted someone who violated them in the worst possible way. They treated them like they were not human. It is very hard to truly trust anyone again after that happens to you.

It is hard to trust situations.

I trusted that I would have food and heat once. Now I never really feel confident that my current situation will be able to be sustained.

I am often anxious on my way home about  whether or not the house will still have heat in the winter. The fear does not subside until I enter the door and feel that the heat is working.

It is a terrible thing to live with post traumatic stress disorder. It is sad that so many people do not understand how we feel. 

We have lived through situations where there was a very real threat. In our minds, what is to keep it from happening again. Our good judgement?

Clearly our judgement let us down already. How can we trust ourselves?

My hope is for awareness that will generate some understanding. I also pray that all of the many people suffering PTSD from domestic abuse are able to one day find peace and a feeling of safety.

Namaste,
Annie

abuse red flags, abusive relationships, emotional abuse, life, mental abuse, narcissistic abuse, no contact from narcissist

Celebrate Your Independence From Your Abusive Partner

independence

Whether you have been independent, from the manipulation of your abuser, for one week or 12 years,  celebrate your strength, your independence and your individuality ! Your voice matters and your individuality is a gift to others !