Things you drained from me…
My common sense
You sucked my soul
Like a vampire feeds
With no remorse
For your insidious deeds
Just posted on Tumblr Narcissistic Abuse Blog
As part of women’s history month we have to realize the importance of domestic abuse, partner abuse and rape. The awareness of abuse of women needs to be highlighted. More awareness is needed.
Victim blaming and myths about abuse victims needs to be an important part of women’s history month. How many women have had their lives cut short due to a violent partner?
How many women have been emotionally abused with gaslighting and intentional brainwashing tactics by a predator who targeted them?
What great things might these women have accomplished, had they not been controlled and manipulated by an abusive partner?
How many potential contributions to human kind have been interfered with, by an abuser who crushed down the self esteem and undermined her ability to follow her dreams?
Awareness of mental, emotional and other kinds of abuse of women, needs to be addressed and light needs to be shed on how this has affected women’s history, and continues to do so.
I looked at things in a certain way
Because somebody told me I should
I averted my gaze when I should have looked
Because somebody told me to turn
I walked away when I should have stayed
Because somebody told me to go
I denied myself and I suffered pain
Because somebody told me to suffer
I worked too hard …or not at all
Because somebody said it was right
I listened to the programs in my brain
Because somebody said they were mine…
I lost myself, and people I loved
Because someone said,
“Don’t waste your time”
I ignored the gnawing in my gut
Because somebody said not to listen
I went down paths that didn’t feel right
Because somebody said it was safe…
But Somebodies do not save you
When the actions you did betray you
And Somebody doesn’t know you
like you need to know yourself
And somebody else’s agenda will just
End you up in mental hell
New post on the gentlekindness coaching facebook page
Psychic violence is an attack on your psychological well being. Psychopaths and malignant narcissists attack you in this manner, in order to make you spiritually weaker. Keep up some kind of spiritual practice for your own well being, whether it is yoga, meditation, drumming circles, church groups with trusted people, or watching videos that spiritually uplift you…ex. Teal Swan or Ajahn Brahm, the buddhist monk.
Image by Dr. David McDermott
Psychopaths are 1 in 25 people. That is a high number.
They are disguised as regular people….pillars of the community….coaches of your kid’s sports team….pastors of your church….your therapist….the local police officer….your surgeon…..your date from Match.com…
Learn the signs of psychopaths. Educate yourself about the red flags, their tactics, and the way they manipulate their prey. They think with their reptilian brain….you are the prey and they are the predator.
Psychopaths only blend in because people do not know what they are looking at, and they dismiss the signs even when they are right in front of them.
Stay safe and keep your kids safe. Psychopaths can be charming and they know how to press your emotional buttons. They get into your mind by eliciting emotional reactions from you.
These are people that you do not want to allow into your life. Once they are in, it can be hard to get rid of them. They retaliate on people that reject them in ways that you cannot imagine, unless it has happened to you.
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You can submit your personal stories about your experience with abuse, or poetry. Articles that are designed to enlighten other victims and survivors are also being accepted.
All submissions will be held for my moderation. I will get to them on a first come first serve basis, as soon as I can.
You are also welcome to submit posts to the Lovely Wounded Lady blog. Or you can always give a link to your posts, in the comments section below here.
If you are recently out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist or a psychopath, you might want to take some time to heal before you go back out into the dating world.
I know if can be very hard, because you feel lonely. You are used to being attached with one person and it is very difficult to be alone.
Toxic loneliness is one of the main reasons people go back into another abusive relationship, or they go back to their abuser. You can weather the storm of this, even though it will not be easy.
Being a victim of a narcissist, makes you a prime target for another one. Narcissists can spot you out of other people. It is like they can smell blood in the water. They have learned to read body language, and other signs of someone who will fall easily into their trap.
You would think that you would be able to spot another abuser, since you have already been through that, but you need to be well healed before you will be able to recognize them.
The new narcissist will seem different than the old one, because they look different, smell different and have different interests. They have a different job, live in a different town, and use different lines on you.
Once they get you talking, they will find out about your last relationship. They will seem sympathetic and tell you that only losers would treat a woman that way. They might tell how well they believe women should be treated and that they have no respect for those kinds of weak men who prey on vulnerable women.
If you are a man looking for a woman, the game will go similarly but probably with more sensual lure. The new narcissistic woman will sympathize with your pain from your last relationship. She will seem to care about what you went through. She will tell you that she believes in honesty and being straight with someone.
You will forget that the main tool in the narcissists’s tool box is lying.
You will be taken in by their charm and you will forget how the narcissist puts on the mask that you want to see.
If you need to fill the void that the last abuser left in you, then another narcissist will promise to fill that void. You will think that you could not possibly have such bad luck as to find another abuser, when you just got away from one.
It has nothing to do with luck. Narcissists and psychopaths are like sharks that search for blood in the water. They can smell fear, pain and vulnerability. They are so good at mirroring you, that they will convince you that they are tired of predators too. They will tell you a story to make you feel like you want to take care of them.
Recovering from an abusive relationship takes at least 5 times as long as recovering from a regular breakup.
You cannot heal in a couple of months. Not if they put you through the full gaslighting game and interfered with your reality. They left programming in your head.
The energy you are giving off is at the level that the narcissist left you at. Once you are able to bring that vibration up to a higher level, you will be safe from predators. But as long as it is low, it will be felt and be a match for psychopaths.
You will think that you are now sensitive to abusive tactics, but in your subconscious is programming that desensitized you to them. You have been brainwashed into believing that you should tolerate certain behaviors.
Your self esteem has been crushed and your subconscious brain still believes that you need to tolerate abuse in order to prove that you love someone.
You have to get to the point where you are comfortable alone with yourself. You have to get through the healing process until you are able to take good care of yourself. Self love is critical in order to not fall for a predator again.
If you are still thinking of ways to be good enough for someone else, then you are not ready. When you think someone should be good enough for you, then you are on the right track.
You are special. If you were no special in some way, a psychopath would not have preyed in you and kept you for so long. You were someone they wanted to break, because you have qualities that the narcissist will never have.
Healing from abuse is a process with many layers.
At some point you will realize that you need to heal old emotional wounds that go back to a time way before you ever met your abuser. These wounds need to be brought to the surface and cared for.
Your inner child is probably fractured in some way.
Emotional wounds cause fractures of the whole person. These fractured parts need to be integrated. The inner child that was traumatized needs to be nurtured. No one can do that work for you, but you can be guided in doing that work yourself.
Blessings for peace of mind,
For more information about healing from narcissistic abuse visit my web site gentlekindnesscoaching.com
The aftermath of narcissistic abuse can be brutal…even worse than the abuse when you were in the relationship. If you are wondering why you seem to be in worse shape now, than when you were in the relationship, you are not alone.
The narcissist intentionally caused you to become addicted to your role, and your identity, that they made you accept. During the idealization phase they bombarded you constantly with messages and phone calls.
This was to intentionally alter your chemicals, in order to create an addictive bond with them. This is a very addictive bond, in which the brain and the body become dependent upon the dopamine release when you think about the narcissist, or hear their voice.
You were conditioned to crave this interaction, their approval, and their validation of your reality. Within a month or so, your brain began to be unable to regulate your stress level without the narcissist regulating them for you.
This is part of their design. The narcissistic psychopath intentionally creates a chemical addiction in you. This makes their Silent Treatments, and dissapprovals , during the Devaluation phase that much more painful.
After all….is there any relationship you have ever bern in…other than with a narcissist or a psychopath…that caused you such high levels of toxic loneliness, feelings of emotional disregulation, and mental pain…..when you were apart from them for a few days….or did not hear from them for a few hours, when they had promised to call….
This is addiction. It has physiological evidence in your brain. You could see it, if you had an MRI machine handy. This is intentional and this is what the Love Bombing is all about.
It is also why they revert….although temporarlily…to the idealization phase….anytime they feel they are losing their hold on you. By reverting to the idealization phase temorarily, the narcissist confuses your brain as well as creating a chemical explosion in you.
Those feelings of having that adfiction satisfied come back, and for that…you will not….and cannot leave them. Your brain always craves that next fix of chemicals and the narcissist knows this.
They intentionally use this addiction to manipulate you. They hold a power over you, like no other person can.
And when the relationship ends, you go into a terrible withdrawal of these chemicals that you were trained to be addicted to.
You crash fast and hard. The symptoms are similar to that of any drug addict that has been cut off from their drug of choice. It is not your fault.
It is not your fault. It was done without your consent. You never asked for this. You never saw it coming. You never saw it happening to you.
The withdrawal from narcissist or a psychopath is terrifically painful, and grueling to go through. You are the most vulnerable during this stage of recovery, to be hoovered back in by the apologetic narcissist.
It is understandable why victims go back to the narcissist, if they attemt to hoover them bac. In within the first six months. The chemical addiction and withdrawal symptoms seem to have a painful hold on survivors of a narcissist, for 6 months or more.
So why does your life fall apart? It is like what any other addict experiences. All aspects of your life are affected….from your emotional and mental states, to your physical health and immune system.
Keeping up with daily living activities is very difficult. Going to work is difficult. You become sleep deprived from insomnia, because your brain cannot self regulate your nervous system.
You are not crazy. A person that told you they cared about you, intentionally messed up your brain. They would do it all over again if they got the chance….and they may try…
Being tortured by someone you loved…and probably still love….is the worst form of betrayal.