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Women’s History Month and Abuse Awareness

Just posted on Tumblr Narcissistic Abuse Blog

Abuse of Women and How it Has Influenced Women’s History

As part of women’s history month we have to realize the importance of domestic abuse, partner abuse and rape. The awareness of abuse of women needs to be highlighted. More awareness is needed.

Victim blaming and myths about abuse victims needs to be an important part of women’s history month. How many women have had their lives cut short due to a violent partner? 

How many women have been emotionally abused with gaslighting and intentional brainwashing tactics by a predator who targeted them? 

What great things might these women have accomplished, had they not been controlled and manipulated by an abusive partner?

How many potential contributions to human kind have been interfered with, by an abuser who crushed down the self esteem and undermined her ability to follow her dreams?

Awareness of mental, emotional and other kinds of abuse of women, needs to be addressed and light needs to be shed on how this has affected women’s history, and continues to do so. 

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Socialized Psychopaths

psychopath socialized

Image by Dr. David McDermott

Psychopaths are 1 in 25 people. That is a high number.

They are disguised as regular people….pillars of the community….coaches of your kid’s sports team….pastors of your church….your therapist….the local police officer….your surgeon…..your date from Match.com…

Learn the signs of psychopaths. Educate yourself about the red flags, their tactics, and the way they manipulate their prey. They think with their reptilian brain….you are the prey and they are the predator. 

Psychopaths only blend in because people do not know what they are looking at, and they dismiss the signs even when they are right in front of them. 

Stay safe and keep your kids safe. Psychopaths can be charming and they know how to press your emotional buttons. They get into your mind by eliciting emotional reactions from you. 

These are people that you do not want to allow into your life. Once they are in, it can be hard to get rid of them. They retaliate on people that reject them in ways that you cannot imagine, unless it has happened to you. 

More info – Follow my facebook page gentlekindnesscoaching facebook 

abuse, abuse red flags, abusive men, abusive relationships, aftermath of narcissistic abuse, anti-social personality disorder, domestic abuse, emotional abuse, gaslighting, healing after narcissistic abuse, healing from domestic abuse, narcissistic psychopath, Narcissists, narcopath, overcoming narcissistic abuse, Psychopath, psychopathic abuse, Uncategorized

Another Red Flag of a Psychopath

 

image chef beware
Beware of someone who tells you about how their friends or coworker say nice things about them, as a way to tell you how great they are. But then you never actually meet these people.
You may never meet these friends, employees or coworkers. Or you may eventually you find out that these people actually cannot stand them. You may find out that employees fear them, their family members avoid them, or that their “best friend” has been trying not to talk to them and the narcissist keeps harassing them. 
 
This is one of the ways the narcissist promotes themselves… by telling you what other people say about them. It is more believable for them to tell you what other people say, than telling you how great they are themselves.  So they make up things and say that other people say them.
They keep parts of their lives, and people separated so that they can lie about what other people say. They use this to impress you with what other supposedly say about them. They also use this to tell you that others abused them. 
So, just be careful about someone who does a lot of talking about themselves by way of telling you what other people think about them. It can be a red flag. See what happens when you ask to meet these people and if the relationships seem to match what they told you.

Originally posted on the facebook page for gentlekindnesscoaching.com

https://www.facebook.com/gentlekindnesscoaching/

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Betrayal by the Narcissist

The aftermath of narcissistic abuse can be brutal…even worse than the abuse when you were in the relationship. If you are wondering why you seem to be in worse shape now, than when you were in the relationship, you are not alone.

The narcissist intentionally caused you to become addicted to your role, and your identity, that they made you accept. During the idealization phase they bombarded you constantly with messages and phone calls.

This was to intentionally alter your chemicals, in order to create an addictive bond with them. This is a very addictive bond, in which the brain and the body become dependent upon the dopamine release when you think about the narcissist, or hear their voice.

You were conditioned to crave this interaction, their approval, and their validation of your reality. Within a month or so, your brain began to be unable to regulate your stress level without the narcissist regulating them for you.

This is part of their design. The narcissistic psychopath  intentionally creates a chemical addiction in you. This makes their Silent Treatments, and dissapprovals , during the Devaluation phase that much more painful.

After all….is there any relationship you have ever bern in…other than with a narcissist or a psychopath…that caused you such high levels of toxic loneliness, feelings of emotional disregulation, and mental pain…..when you were apart from them for a few days….or did not hear from them for a few hours, when they had promised to call….

This is addiction. It has physiological evidence in your brain. You could see it, if you had an MRI machine handy. This is intentional and this is what the Love Bombing is all about.

It is also why they revert….although temporarlily…to the idealization phase….anytime they feel they are losing their hold on you. By reverting to the idealization phase temorarily, the narcissist confuses your brain as well as creating a chemical explosion in you.

Those feelings of having that adfiction satisfied come back, and for that…you will not….and cannot leave them. Your brain always craves that next fix of chemicals and the narcissist knows this.

They intentionally use this addiction to manipulate you. They hold a power over you, like no other person can.

And when the relationship ends, you go into a terrible withdrawal of these chemicals that you were trained to be addicted to.

You crash fast and hard. The symptoms are similar to that of any drug addict that has been cut off from their drug of choice. It is not your fault.

It is not your fault. It was done without your consent. You never asked for this. You never saw it coming. You never saw it happening to you.

The withdrawal from narcissist or a psychopath is terrifically painful, and grueling to go through. You are the most vulnerable during this stage of recovery, to be hoovered back in by the apologetic narcissist.

It is understandable why victims go back to the narcissist, if they attemt to hoover them bac. In within the first six months. The chemical addiction and withdrawal symptoms seem to have a painful hold on survivors of a narcissist, for 6 months or more.

So why does your life fall apart? It is like what any other addict experiences. All aspects of your life are affected….from your emotional and mental states, to your physical health and immune system.

Keeping up with daily living activities is very difficult. Going to work is difficult. You become sleep deprived from insomnia, because your brain cannot self regulate your nervous system.

You are not crazy. A person that told you they cared about you, intentionally messed up your brain. They would do it all over again if they got the chance….and they may try…

Being tortured by someone you loved…and probably still love….is the worst form of betrayal.

 

 

 

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Psychopaths and Narcissists in Society

This is a very good video about psychopaths in society. The thing that struck me about this movie is when they were interviewing people on the street about the word psychopath. 

The only thing that most people think about the word psychopath is “crazy”. Most people assume they would know if someone were a 
crazy psychopath” if they were to run into one. 

Every day people interact with psychopaths at work, in school. in the community and in their family and social settings. They do not recognize the psychopath, even when they are right in front of them, telling them that their suit is perfect and that they look phenomenal.

Psychopaths can be charming and complementary to anyone who that they feel would be of some use to them. People are pawns. tools and characters in the psychopath’s play, that write as they wish. 

Psychopath’s can seem like the “pillar of the community”  and like the ideal person with good manners and etiquette. These people learn how to act by watching people. They learn that people have certain facial expressions that go along with certain appropriate emotions.

They watch and mimic people, so that their behaviors do not stand out and set off red flags that would make people stay away from them.

The “psychopathic bond” is very powerful. This is trauma bonding or it might be stockholme syndrome. They psychopath is skilled in getting you to bond with them deeply.

 

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YouTube Videos about Narcissistic abuse and Domestic Abuse

You stopped by this blog most likely because you have been in, or are still in an abusive relationship. Whether it is physical abuse, mental abuse, or emotional abuse, you are still going through a psychological trauma. 

Trauma has certain similar affects on the brain that are experienced by the victim. The symptoms can continue long after the relationship has ended. Whether it was abuse by a partner, or from your family, or even at work, narcissistic abuse leaves scars. 

Please visit my YouTube Channel for videos to help you to understand abuse, how to identify the red flags of abusers. and help with healing from narcissistic or psychopathic abuse. 

You can visit my YouTube Channel HERE

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJw1QUDzb59PbWTcnGjGJ7g/videos

abuse, abuse red flags, abusive men, abusive relationships, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, narcissism, narcissist, Narcissist psychopath, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic abuse syndrome, narcissistic psychopath, Narcissists, narcopath, overcoming narcissistic abuse, Uncategorized, verbal abuse, women abuse

Trauma Bonding in Narcissistic Abuse

The emotional abuse dished out by a narcissist is malicious. intentional and insidious. The narcissists sizes up his victim from the beginning, to see if she is likely to tolerate his tactics.

During the sizing up period, the narcissist puts on a honeymoon phase act, also known as the idealization phase.

He puts his prey upon a pedestal and tells her she is beautiful, talented, compassionate, or whatever characteristics she desires for someone to admire. He reads her body language and asks lots of questions in order to ascertain which qualities he should complement her about.

The abuser gets into the mind of the victim and pries out lots of important information that he or she will later use against the victim. Valuable information is the victim’s desires, hopes and dreams.

What does the victim want in a perfect mate? What qualities do they find most important about themselves and in others?

But it does not stop there. The predator listens intently as the victim tells them about their childhood, their failures, and their deepest fears.

What buttons can the abuser push that will get the strongest emotional reaction? The unsuspecting victim willingly turns over this information to their enemy, without realizing that they are setting the abuser up for the evil yet to come.

The victim willingly gives the predator all of this information because they seem so trustworthy. They appear to be the perfect friend, partner and lover.

The predator has acting skills that are so honed that the victim never suspects that their entire personality is an act.

The abuser takes the information they gather about the core values of the victim and they mirror those values back to them.

When the prey sees the predator, they do not see a wolf in sheep’s clothing. They see someone who believes in them and shares their most important values and beliefs.

As the predator listens intently to the victim, it seems like he is interested in him or her in a way that no one has ever been.

The victim feels like they are finally being understood, in a way that no one has ever understood them before.

This is highly emotional. The conversations are emotionally charged and bring out the bonding chemicals in the victim’s system. Their entire nervous system in affected in a similar way to addiction to a drug.

There is often a high sexual attraction for the abuser, which is amplified by a feeling of trust. Emotional bonding is stronger when there is a high level of trust, and the predator knows how to make the victim feel completely safe with them.

This chemical bonding is both a science and an art to the predator.

They have honed their skills from many trials and errors from their past victims. Now it is Your turn to be the method of experiment. The more they can deceive and manipulate your mind, the more the predator becomes hooked on deceiving you.

The predator gets a sadistic pleasure from this process and feels godlike and all powerful, as they get inside of your head and you willingly hand over all the information they need to destroy you later on.

This idealization phase is enjoyed by the narcissist but it also drains them. They soon tire of all the effort it takes to please you and make you feel good.

They often do a test at this point. This is a test that they design to see if you are sufficiently bonded with them yet. They will often make up some kind of emergency just to see how you react and respond. They want to see you go out of your way, and inconvenience yourself for them.

This emergency is both a test and also a way of them to train you like a dog. They will reward you with praises for the parts you do “right” and they will scold you for anything they wanted done differently. They will imply that they may not be able to continue a relationship with someone  who cannot perform to their liking during an emergency they are having.

This emergency, or very urgent situation could be of any sort of nature. It might be a fake medical emergency, it could be a crisis with their business or an emotional / mental breakdown. They will demand your full attention and that you drop everything you are doing, no matter how important it is to you. In fact, they may time the emergency, intentionally, to happen at the same time as something important to you.

They want to see that you will prioritize them over yourself.

They know that most normal people will prioritize an emergency over most other things. It is normal to rearrange your schedule when someone you love has an emergency. This is how they lure you into their training.

Now that they have your attention, they hone your “emergency” skills. They nit-pick at everything you do and the things you do not do according to their rules. They teach you exactly how to respond and how fast to respond to them, when they call you for something urgent.

This way, they can continue to call on you and demand your undivided attention, anytime they cry wolf. Imagine that…the wolf crying wolf!

After that, there are more emergencies.

The narcissists seems to live a life of chaos and they always need you to be there. It begins to erode the rest of your life away. Your needs are never as important as theirs are. Whatever is happening with them is always much more urgent and important than what is going on in your life.

If you respond to the training properly, they know they have you bonded to them. Now they can begin to demean you and treat you any way they want to. Suddenly you are knocked off the pedestal and onto the floor, where they will drag you around wherever they want to.

The devaluation phase has begun.

You now will tolerate all manner of abuse and you will believe their lies because of your addiction to the abuser. The more they abuse you, the stronger the addiction becomes. This is trauma bonding.

The abuser alternates between periods of the love bombing stage (the idealization phase) with periods of abuse.

This is designed to confuse the victim and to increase levels of chemicals released in the body.

Cortisol and adrenaline are designed to be released during an emergency or when you are under a threat. The brain soon becomes confused as the frequent need to release these chemicals in alternated with periods of uncertainty.

Your brain learns that a threat could occur at any time and stays on alert for any threat. The abuser screaming at you, threatening you, and changing the rules as they choose, thrown your nervous system out of wack. You long for the periods of reprieve from the abuse.

There are days when the abuse is nice to you and this brings back those feelings from the idealization phase. You are reminded why you fell in love with them in the first place. You want to believe that the person you first met is still under there somewhere.

The brief interludes of the idealization phase, feel like love to you.

It seems like the abuser actually loves you, but that you seem to bring out the angry side of them a lot. If you could just “get it right” then they would return to the person you fell in love with.

The attachment grows stronger during emergency situations and struggles. You feel like you have “been though so much together” and it never occurs to you that it was all a strategy of the narcissist to hook you. It is all so that they can have power over you.

Power and manipulation is the game of the predator.

They know that by alternating the abuse with “being nice” that the trauma bond will keep you coming back for more. You give everything up for them just to keep them happy.

Make no mistake this is all intentional and calculated.

The predator loves to be in control over you. They love to play god because they see themselves as better than you are. You are nothing but another victim for them to scratch out another notch on their bedpost.