abusive relationships, narcissism, narcissistic abuse, Psychopath abusive relationship, psychopathic abuse, Uncategorized

Are you Friends Telling you That you are Too Obsessed with Narcissism?

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abuse, abusive relationships, depression, domestic abuse, healing after narcissistic abuse, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, overcoming narcissistic abuse, people pleaser syndrome, Psychopath abusive relationship, PTSD from domestic abuse, PTSD from mental abuse, Uncategorized, wellness, women abuse

Your Compassion Matters

Every act of compassion matters. Each time you offer a kindness to another living being it matters.

Whether or not you feel that they appreciated your intention afterwords or not, does not change what your intention was.

Sometimes we are not aware of the motives of others, or what is going on in their heads. You may have had a relationship with someone for a long time, and then realized that they never felt the way you thought they did.

They may not have accepted your loving intentions in the way you wanted them to. Some people feel entitled to your service, and therefore cannot truly appreciate the caring intention behind things you did for them. This does not change what your intention was.

Just because the reality of someone is different than your own does not change the power of your personal meaning for acts of compassion and kindness towards them.

Kindness can be shown to random strangers or even people who you never see. You may have held the door for a mom who was struggling with babies and bags at the store. Your small kindness may have affected her mood in a way that it was passed into her…and then she passed the kindness energy along to someone in her home.

You do not always see the domino effect of your good heart.

It is true that sometimes people will turn on you when you least expect it. You may feel that this negates every kindness you ever showed them. But this is not true.

Kindness and compassion are poweful energies. They exist in spite of people who cannot accept or appreciate their pure essence.

This is not to say that you should allow people to walk over you. It is not to encourage you to go out of your way for manipulative people. Not at all.

It is just let you know that your intentions always matter. They have a far more reaching effect than the particular person or situation.

Generating loving intentions towards others sends these intentions out into the energy fields all around you. You can send positive energies to someone sitting near you on the bus, and never speak a word to them.

The energy of intention takes on a life of its own. If you are empathic at all, then you can feel when someone near you is projecting bad energy like anger or evil intention. It is felt in your gut or other places in the body.

The people around you feel and receive the intentions you create. You can self generate compassion and kindness. It can be sent tosomeone else with a gentle touch on the shoulder, or just by making eye contact.

Studies have been able to prove that there are magnetic fields of energy that are projected out from each individual person.

In fact this is true for all living things. That is why you can feel certain kinds of grounding energies when you are in nature.

Trees and plants give off magnetic energy fields. Human magnetic energy fields extend at least 3 to 6 feet in all directions, based on scientific research and studies.

Paying attention to your gut feelings can protect you from people sending malicious energies. It can also guide you toward people that create positive intention and project that compassion outward for others to feel and access.

Some people are energy vampires. You feel drained of energy after spending time with them.

Others are generous with their beautiful strengthening energies. Humans can transmit feelings of  empathy, excitement, acceptance and many other loving energy fields.

Any act of kindness or positive intention you have done or will do, matters. Anytime you project compassion, it has an effect on the collective consciousness of living things.

Even if it turns out that you could not connect with someone in the way you wanted to or expected to, your positive intentions were still sent out to other living beings around you.

Try to surround yourself with loving, supportive people that accept your beautiful pure energies.

Even if someone has let you down in the past, you can still connect with caring people.

Your intentions matter, although you cannot change people who do not want to change. Everyone will not see you for who you are.

Everyone will not be receptive to healing energies, empathy or kindness. Some people just want to see how much they can manipulate you. Try to learn how to identify these kinds of people, so you can minimize contact with them.

The higher your consciousness level, the more truth you will see about the energy fields being projected by others.

Low consciousness levels will attract other people in similar consciousness levels.

Abuse and trauma can sometimes bring your consciousness level down, and affect what kinds of energy you are projecting.

Be careful to assess your psychological and spiritual state, before interacting with others.

Strengthen your ability to self generate states you want to be in.

Awareness of your intuition, gut feelings and energy sensations in your body will help you to self generate specific states.

All of your compassionate intentions have mattered and will continue to matter.

Even intentions that you sent out to people undeserving of those intentions, are not lost. The effect on the energetic dimension was still there, even if the person you were trying to care for had ulterior  motives.

People may try to drain your energies because they can control a drained person easier than someone filled with excitement and purpose.

You can build energy projection skills. You can practice self generating moods and states of being. The better you become at these skills, the more powerful you will be.

Namaste,

Annie 

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abuse, aftermath of abuse, aftermath of narcissistic abuse, anti-social personality disorder, dating a narcissist, domestic abuse, domestic violence, emotional abuse, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, mental abuse, narcissistic abuse, post traumatic stress disorder, Psychopath, Psychopath abusive relationship, psychopathic abuse, PTSD from domestic abuse, PTSD from mental abuse, Uncategorized, victim of narcissist

PTSD and Re-Traumatization

PTSD is a term most people have heard, but often they do not really know what it means.

If you tell someone you have PTSD, it may be hard for them to know what you mean by that, unless they have it themselves or maybe they have a close friend or family member with it.

People with PTSD have trouble with relationships, but not for the reasons people think.

Once you have been traumatized, and then re-traumatized by triggering situations, you feel generally unsafe and there is a natural tendency to want to retreat…back up your steps and run for cover.

People with PTSD can be re-traumatized by people who do not understand, and by people who are more concerned with their own agenda than really understanding.

When someone with PTSD has certain triggers, and explains those triggers to someone, it is important that they are validated and respected. If someone wants to care about a loved one with PTSD, they need to really listen to that person, when they talk about what triggers them. 

*A person that intentionally uses your triggers against you is dangerous to your mental well being. 

But then there are people who just don’t want to listen to or respect your boundaries. Your perceptions are not of an significance to them. 

Everyone has personal boundaries, but people with post traumatic stress disorder can suffer severe re-traumatization when a loved one does not honor their trigger boundaries.

Some triggers cannot be avoided, such as loud noises that may occur independently from either person. However, talking someone into going to a loud dance club, or guilting them into going to fireworks, when it has been made clear that loud noises are triggers, is abusive.

People who have PTSD from the military, and people who have PTSD from domestic abuse have different causes for their symptoms, but some things are the same.

The fight-or-flight mode is activated by the amygdala. If the brain perceives a threat, even if that threat is not real, the amygdala will send chemicals into the body like adrenaline and cortisol.

 The feeling in the body of a “perceived threat” and a real threat is exactly the same. The same physiological responses occur, including blood pressure elevation, and feeling of extreme fear and the feeling that you have to act right away.

Someone who had their jaw fractured by an abusive boyfriend, who suddenly stormed towards them in a fit of anger, may be triggered by someone coming quickly into their personal space, especially if that person is angry.

Once you have asked someone not to do certain things which trigger you, it is a terrible feeling when they still continue to do them. It feels very violating, and only serves to break the trust bond.

Relationships need to be based in trust. Intimate relationships, as well as friendships and family relationships have to feel safe. If one person does not feel safe, then there is a lack of understanding and a lack of trust.

Without both parties feeling safe, the relationship will break down. People with PTSD can find it difficult to trust again, after others have invalidated them about their symptoms.

Sometimes someone will disbelieve you, minimize your trauma, or accuse you of trying to manipulate them with your explanations about your trauma and your triggers. This is very painful and re-traumatizing.

People who have PTSD or C-PTSD from abuse were invalidated as part of the abuse process. Their emotions were minimized, disregarded and made fun of.

To have someone close to you minimize your PTSD, or disbelieve you is re-traumatizing. It gives  the victim into an emotional flashbacks or actual sensory flashbacks.

You can only tolerate being traumatized and re-traumatized so many times.

Soldiers that come back from war only to be disrespected by civilians, or invalidated and ignored by the Veterans Administration, are being re-traumatized.

It is a way of invalidating a person’s reality. This has negative effects on the person’s mental and emotional state.

People with PTSD can be perfectly good and caring partners and friends. They just need validation, respect and understanding.

But after repeated re-traumatization, a person feels isolated and too vulnerable to take a chance on trusting another person again. This leads to self isolation, depression, and often suicidal thoughts.

Evolutionary psychology tells us that our subconscious brain feels threatened by the potential that we would be completely isolated, shunned or thrown out of the social circle.

A Little Evolutionary Psychology

In the past, humans lived in social survival groups called tribes.  Being accepted and included by the tribe was critical for survival. Being shunned would have meant death !

Our primal brain  (called the reptilian brain) perceives rejection by the tribe to be potentially life threatening.  When we are feeling a similar kind of threat, it triggers the fight or flight response in our limbic system of the brain. The amygdala becomes active and send all kinds of alerts and chemicals into the body.

Technically, we could survive living alone and isolated these days, but we were not meant to live in isolation… especially isolation due to “mobbing” or “scapegoating” by the tribe.

This is one of the reasons that scapegoated family members, suffer such severe mental and emotional trauma.

People with PTSD need to feel that they will still be accepted by the Tribe (family, community…whatever applies to the situation…).

They need to know that their personal reality will be validated, even though it may be very different from that of other people. The experiences someone with PTSD has endured may seem strange to people that have not ever had that kind of trauma in their reality.

Isolation can cause death by suicide or “failure to thrive.”

Self isolation will almost always cause severe depression. But being re-traumatized is just as bad, and the brain will try to lead people away from that pain.

Our primal brains are designed to take us away from danger, or perceived danger….and towards pleasure. But the “away from danger” is the priority.

Re-exeriencing the feelings of danger, fight or flight chemicals and physiological responses, is not something that anyone could tolerate on a regular basis.

We were not built to feel in danger all the time. Being in a state of hyper-arousal all the time depleats the immune system and causes mental disorders.

People with PTSD need understanding and validation.

They need their loved ones to be sensitive to their triggers, and to pay attention to what the person asks and needs. 

Otherwise. the relationships cannot continue in a way that is safe for the PTSD sufferer. The person with PTSD will shut down and crawl inside of themselves. No healthy relationship can be sustained without safety for both people. 

abuse, abusive relationships, aftermath of narcissistic abuse, anti-social personality disorder, domestic abuse, domestic violence, healing after narcissistic abuse, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, Narcissist psychopath, Psychopath, Psychopath abusive relationship, psychopathic abuse, Uncategorized

Psychic Violence

New post on the gentlekindness coaching facebook page

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Psychic violence is an attack on your psychological well being. Psychopaths and malignant narcissists attack you in this manner, in order to make you spiritually weaker. Keep up some kind of spiritual practice for your own well being, whether it is yoga, meditation, drumming circles, church groups with trusted people, or watching videos that spiritually uplift you…ex. Teal Swan or Ajahn Brahm, the buddhist monk.

 
Bo
abuse, abuse red flags, abusive men, abusive relationships, dating a narcissist, domestic abuse, domestic abuse blog, domestic violence, healing after narcissistic abuse, healing from domestic abuse, narcissism, narcissist, Narcissist psychopath, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic victim abuse syndrome, Narcissists, narcopath, overcoming narcissistic abuse, people pleaser syndrome, Psychopath abusive relationship, psychopathic abuse, psychopaths, PTSD from domestic abuse, Uncategorized

Socialized Psychopaths

psychopath socialized

Image by Dr. David McDermott

Psychopaths are 1 in 25 people. That is a high number.

They are disguised as regular people….pillars of the community….coaches of your kid’s sports team….pastors of your church….your therapist….the local police officer….your surgeon…..your date from Match.com…

Learn the signs of psychopaths. Educate yourself about the red flags, their tactics, and the way they manipulate their prey. They think with their reptilian brain….you are the prey and they are the predator. 

Psychopaths only blend in because people do not know what they are looking at, and they dismiss the signs even when they are right in front of them. 

Stay safe and keep your kids safe. Psychopaths can be charming and they know how to press your emotional buttons. They get into your mind by eliciting emotional reactions from you. 

These are people that you do not want to allow into your life. Once they are in, it can be hard to get rid of them. They retaliate on people that reject them in ways that you cannot imagine, unless it has happened to you. 

More info – Follow my facebook page gentlekindnesscoaching facebook 

abuse, abusive relationships, emotional abuse, gaslighting, healing after narcissistic abuse, mental abuse, mental abuse meme, narcissism, narcissist, Narcissist psychopath, no contact, no contact from narcissist, no contact with the narcissist, post traumatic stress disorder from domestic abuse . mental abuse, Psychopath abusive relationship, PTSD from domestic abuse, PTSD from mental abuse, Uncategorized

If you Have Gotten Out, Stay Away from Your Abuser

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abuse, abusive relationships, aftermath of abuse, aftermath of narcissistic abuse, devaluation, domestic abuse, domestic abuse blog, domestic violence, emotional abuse, gaslighting, healing after narcissistic abuse, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, healthy relationships after domestic abuse, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic abuse syndrome, narcissistic victim abuse syndrome, Narcissists, overcoming narcissistic abuse, Psychopath, Psychopath abusive relationship, psychopathic abuse, PTSD from domestic abuse, Uncategorized

Let Go of What No Longer Serves You or Supports You

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image by Steven Aitchison

I saw this today and I thought it was really great. We need to let go of the things and the people that are bringing us down…keeping us from blossoming and reaching for our dreams. You can surround yourself with people who support you and do not ask you to change to suit them. 

Your dreams matter and you have been through enough pain. It is time to listen to that inner voice that is telling you what is best for you. Emotional pain is telling us not to go in certain directions…and to get away from certain people. 

Listen to your pain…and listen to your passion. No one has a right to crush your dreams. If you feel lead to do something, you should do it. 

Love and Peace,

Annie

gentlekindnesscoaching.com

Discount offered on coaching , if you mention this blog. Just go to the web site and send me a message from the Contact Page . You can have 15 dollars off of one month of coaching (regular price 75 dollars