abusive relationships, leaving an abuser, narcissistic abuse, psychopaths, Uncategorized

Social Pressure for Women to Stay in Abusive Relationships

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domestic violence, emotional abuse, gaslighting, leaving an abuser, Narcissists, psychopaths, Uncategorized

Being Imprisoned by an Abusive Husband / Partner

woman with bruises

 

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Experts on brainwashing will tell you that once a person has been broken down through deprivation of basic human needs and dignity, their reality is simple to manipulate.

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Women that have been in abusive marriages for years can lose touch with what a healthy life would even be like. They lose touch with the reality that they knew before they became imprisoned into the hell they are living in.

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Basic needs are denied by the husband. The wife is imprisoned in a way that it does not appear that way to outsiders. The husband puts on an act outside of the house. But inside, behind closed doors, the house is a fortress of whatever illusions he has created.

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The prisoner knows her duties, her punishments, and her place. She lives in constant fear of angering the prison master.

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Punishments are swift, cruel, and unjustified. The threats that are made to the wife if she dares to refuse compliance, are unthinkable to people who have never been through it.

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People criticize women for staying because they are quick to judge, without understanding what really occurs inside the prison walls.

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The prison master has been known to threaten the children with harm, should the prisoner try to make plans to escape. Prison masters will threaten to take the children away permanently.

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The abuser, if he is a high functioning psychopath, can come up with all manner of punishments, and he has no moral regulation in any part of his brain to stop him from carrying out his retaliations.

abuse, depression, healing after narcissistic abuse, healing from domestic abuse, mental abuse, mental illness, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic abuse syndrome, narcissistic psychopath, overcoming narcissistic abuse, psychopaths, PTSD from domestic abuse, Uncategorized

Vulnerability without Shame

You can be compassionate and have great empathy for others, and still have strong personal boundaries. You deserve to have dignity and for others to treat you with respect.

Setting boundaries with people is not selfish. Loving yourself is not selfish. 

We have been conditioned to say “yes” to people, when they are insistent with us. This is especially true for people who come from emotional abuse. But the person who is insistent about things that make you uncomfortable is not being loving to you. 

Love those that are loving. Care for those who are capable of caring. I love Brene Brown and her work on vulnerability, shame and empathy. Sharing your strengths and your struggles with people is being vulnerable, and it can have a healing effect on others. But you have the right to have personal boundaries and you have the right to say NO to people about things. 

You do not have to provide people with reasons that they agree are valid. If someone discounts your reality, then they are not being loving. You do not have to serve their agenda. Save your energy for those who are loving. 

Brene Brown talks about the culture we live in which promotes shame for not being perfect enough, or for being the person that the media says we should be. 

 

 

abuse, abuse poetry, abusive relationships, aftermath of abuse, domestic abuse, healing after narcissistic abuse, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, narcissistic victim abuse syndrome, Narcissists, overcoming narcissistic abuse, Psychopath, psychopathic abuse, psychopaths, PTSD from domestic abuse, Uncategorized, women abuse

Psychopath

 Charmed by his intelligence

Lured by the vulnerability

like a mother bear to a lost cub

What else could I do?

What other choice could I consider?

Couldn’t just leave him that way

all torn and bleeding

from the abuse and cruelty

in his past…

He needed to be saved…

Didn’t he?

He seemed to know what I was feeling

Like he knew me from another life

He understood me so well

Listened to me with a distant empathy

Heard every story,  felt every pain

I opened everything up to him

Spilled out all my fears,

All my hopes, all my dreams

He listened to my weaknesses and said

Never you mind,

Better to accept them and

get them out in the open

You’ve been holding them too long

He made careful notes as he listened

My triggers, and my trauma

Kept mental notes on every fine detail

What would you think?

What would you assume?

It was true love’s patient virtue?

This was a confidant to be trusted?

With my life…

With my mind

With my sanity

Let me shed some light…

on the darkness

There are some people

that hunt for strangers…

Strangers that are sheep

full of passion,  kindness

empathy, and lonliness

There are predators hunting now

as I write these very words

for you to heed somehow…

like your life depends on them

So you shall not bleed

From deep spiritual wounding

and psychological breaking…

My warning is true

Watch your step …unlike me

Keep your passion

tempered with ration

Yes, I will say it

Stay a virgin from

the psychopathic monster

He might be stalking you

Watching you right now…

Be warned and I tell you true

Once you have crossed

There is no going back

You can escape

by removing yourself…

removing  your body

from the crime

but how can you remove

the experience

of darkness

from your mind?

**an older poem of mine from last year

abuse, abuse red flags, abusive men, abusive relationships, aftermath of abuse, domestic abuse, domestic violence, emotional abuse, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, overcoming narcissistic abuse, Psychopath, psychopaths, Uncategorized

Teach Your Children to Avoid Abuse

 Important things to teach our children

-to think for themselves 

-think through the words and behaviors of others

– to listen to your own intuition

– feelings in your head and your body are always telling you something

-If something feels wrong it probably is

-If something does not make sense to you, then someone may be manipulating you.

-Balance is important in everything…especially relationships

-You do not have to pay now to benefit later in a relationship.  It is an idea the manipulative people want women to buy

-Everyone is not innately good, although many people are

-Don’t overlook things you do not like in a relationship just because you do not want to be alone

-Learn to be happy spending time alone

-You are worthy of being treated special

-Anyone who tells you that you cannot do better than them is lying

-You never deserve abuse

-If someone makes you feel bad a lot of the time, the relationship is not food for you

-Your self esteem is important and anyone who cares about you knows this

-No one should be condescending or sarcastic to you in a relationship

-There is “no time frame” for having to fall in love, get married or be committed

-Someone who loves you will not pressure you

-Someone who cares about you will not shame or guilt to manipulate you

-Punishments and retaliation are not part of a loving relationship

-You should not have to change for anyone

-No one is going to change for you

-There is no “point of no return” about leaving a relationship

-Another person does not make you “whole.” You are already complete.

-You don’t have to follow any path just because someone else wants you to.

abuse, abuse red flags, abusive men, abusive relationships, dating a narcissist, domestic abuse, domestic abuse blog, domestic violence, healing after narcissistic abuse, healing from domestic abuse, narcissism, narcissist, Narcissist psychopath, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic victim abuse syndrome, Narcissists, narcopath, overcoming narcissistic abuse, people pleaser syndrome, Psychopath abusive relationship, psychopathic abuse, psychopaths, PTSD from domestic abuse, Uncategorized

Socialized Psychopaths

psychopath socialized

Image by Dr. David McDermott

Psychopaths are 1 in 25 people. That is a high number.

They are disguised as regular people….pillars of the community….coaches of your kid’s sports team….pastors of your church….your therapist….the local police officer….your surgeon…..your date from Match.com…

Learn the signs of psychopaths. Educate yourself about the red flags, their tactics, and the way they manipulate their prey. They think with their reptilian brain….you are the prey and they are the predator. 

Psychopaths only blend in because people do not know what they are looking at, and they dismiss the signs even when they are right in front of them. 

Stay safe and keep your kids safe. Psychopaths can be charming and they know how to press your emotional buttons. They get into your mind by eliciting emotional reactions from you. 

These are people that you do not want to allow into your life. Once they are in, it can be hard to get rid of them. They retaliate on people that reject them in ways that you cannot imagine, unless it has happened to you. 

More info – Follow my facebook page gentlekindnesscoaching facebook 

abuse, abuse poetry, abusive men, abusive relationships, domestic abuse, healing after narcissistic abuse, mental abuse, psychopaths, Uncategorized, victim of narcissist

Contempt is Your Mistress

I am so tired
My brain is in shock
I can no longer arrange
The thoughts in my mind

My head aches from trying
And thinking so hard
To straighten the pieces
Back into their function

The pieces that are sharp
The pieces that are scalding
The edges that cut like blades
The fragments that shatter bones

My mind is shattered
And disconnected
My body is poisoned
Almost into seizure

My thoughts – explosions
Of anger and pain
My feelings – shock waves
From shaming and blame

Sensations of fire
Sensations of death
Sensations of freezing
Delusions of rest

You’ve stolen my truth
For your own empowerment
You bloodied my faith
To prove your sick point

You forced me to hate you
You forced me to lie
You opened strange poisons
And forced me to try

Your mind is so twisted
With anger and hate
You’ve made me the same
In part of my brain

You felt so compelled
To damage and crush me
Contempt is your mistress
She slept in my bed