If you have experienced severe, ongoing abuse, at the hands of a cluster b personality, then you know what I mean when I say your face was shoved into the dirt over and over again. Everytime you tried to get up, and restart, they knocked you down and shoved your nose and mouth and eyes right back into the filth again. You were choking on it, and getting more and more exhausted each time you tried to get up again.
Eventually, after so many repetitions of the process, part of you has the thought of “why don’t I just keep myself down here? What is the point?”
Getting to that place of “What is the point?” is devastating it leads to despair and feeling worthless. After all, what is the point of living, if we are just here to be crushed underneath a cruel punisher’s foot ?
Life has to have some meaning beyond mere survival, and making though the day physically alive but mentally broken. Humans need meaning, connection and a feeling of purpose in the world. You need to feel like something you are doing counts for something.
The narcissist or psychopath partner or family member wants to crush that out of you. The most severe of abusers, will try to destroy your will to live, or rewire your brain to become a slave to them.
These abusers are dark imdividuals who are sadistic, as well as controlling and entitled. They have malice toward you, and not just a machiavellian method of living. That is to say, they not only will hurt you if it happens to be a side effect of them barrelling through life to take what they want, but they will also hurt you just to hurt you, even when they have no other goal in mind. It is more than just disregarding other people. Narcissists and sociopaths think about ways to hurt you.
One of the worst parts of being a victim of this level of darkness, is the darkness itself . It is the very knowledge that this level of cruelty can be disguised within someone’s mask of being your friend. It is the knowledge that someone could get you to confide your inner most thiughts to them, while they are planning ways to use that infiormation to destroy you.
It is the fact that someone pushed your face into the dirt, over and over again, while they smirked out of the side of their curled lip. Even the thought that someone would have nothing they would rather be doing that posing as someone who cares deeply for you, so they can get to the most vulnerable parts of you.
They play the game of life and love, for maximum damage of you, the one that cared for them, and offered humanity to them.
After it is all said and done, you see them with their current supporters and admirers. They are in their place, as the king or queen of the circle. You are shoved out, discarded, and mocked.
Once you are out, it would seem to other people that you should be able to become unstuck and to move forward. However , there is often a lot of damage that was caused by that repeated crushing and grinding of your face in the dirt.
You had to survive and your brain had to adapt. Some of the adaptations it made, were designed to prevent you from triggering the narcissist into feeling the urge to knock you down, and shove you into the dirt again. These adaptations of your behavior, and your thoughts, carry with you, long after you have left the abuser, or the abuser has left .
For those of you trying to manage ‘low contact’ with your abuser, well……that can be toxic and I’m not sure if it’s any safer than second hand smoke on a regular, ongoing basis . It has the appearance of being less harmful than actually smoking, and yet there is still a high illness and death toll.
We will begin to address these things, and ways to re-train the brain, to reswt it for making decisions in our favor. Too many years, decades in servatude of the narcissist will do some damage.
But the brain has plasticity. Our spirits have resilience. Our hearts have a spark of love and hope.
Narcissistic abuse is painful and healing from this kind of abuse is a long journey. One of the things that can help you to heal is to learn how to feel empowered. You need to build back the self confidence that was crushed down by the narcissist.
Many of us were abused during childhood in some way. Emotional abuse and mental abuse can be as damaging to the way the brain functions as any other kind of abuse.
Much of our brain wiring occurs before the age of six. There may be very early trauma that you do not even remember. If you have been the target of abusers then somehow you were programmed in a way that makes you susceptible to manipulative people.
When you were growing up you were supposed to be given certain brain software during the developmental stages. You should have been taught how to set boundaries to protect yourself. You should have been taught how to tell when someone is not treating you in the way that you deserve.
The ability to spot a liar and to tell when someone is lying to you can help you to feel empowered. It will make it harder for people to deceive you.
This lesson by David Snyder is very interesting. I recommend that you watch this. You will learn about why people accept lies, even when they realize that something is not quite right.
You will see how to tell signs of lying. The most important thing for you now is that you begin to focus on how you deserve to be treated. You should be in relationships with people that want to have genuine communication with you.