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The Spider & The Fly

A Healthier Love

This poem always reminds me of how an abuser lures us in with pretty words and pretty things so that they can control and devour us from the inside out. Their Charm is so alluring but can be Deadly.

The Spider and The Fly

“Will you walk into my parlor?” said the spider to the fly;
“’Tis the prettiest little parlor that ever you did spy.
The way into my parlor is up a winding stair,
And I have many pretty things to show when you are there.”
“O no, no,” said the little fly, “to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair can ne’er come down again.”

“I’m sure you must be weary, dear, with soaring up so high;
Will you rest upon my little bed?” said the spider to the fly.
“There are pretty curtains drawn around, the sheets are fine and thin,

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Accepting Emotions and Healing Old Wounds – Emotophobia

GentleKindness

Instead of trying to stop feeling the emotions that you feel, when you see them as negative emotions, show yourself love. Accept the emotions you are feeling.

Investigate within yourself and find out why you are really feeling this emotion. Show compassion and empathy to yourself and allow yourself to have feelings without judging yourself for them.

Emotophobia is the fear of negative emotions. Many people that grew up with chaos, trauma or abuse, have a form of emotophobia. You may have been taught that feeling certain emotions was wrong or bad.

Many of us were taught that feeling certain emotions was selfish, weak and that you were to be judged for it. You should not have to judge yourself for feeling things.

Repressing emotions does not make them go away. It does not deal with the problem that is underneath of the emotions that are coming up.

Being judged…

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Social Rules and Stigma Keeps Victims in Abusive Relationships

GentleKindness

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Society has conditioned us to stay in abusive relationships. The marriage vow is “for better for worse” and this mentality is often used by the churches and the families of victims, to send them back into the abusive relationship. 

I have clients that have told me about pastors and counselors that have told them that relationships are 50 – 50, and if there is something wrong it is equally both partners’ responsibility. These victims are given some kind of advice about how to be a better partner, and then sent right back to the dangerous person rather than getting the support they need to leave the abuser. 

Families and friends of victims are often the same way. They remind the person about the commitment they made, and that “everything is not always roses”. They have no idea what it is like to live in an abusive relationship, or how…

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narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, Psychopath, Uncategorized

How to Block Stalkers and Trolls from Gmail, Google Plus and YouTube

Every now and then you end up with someone that you don’t want emailing you, or able to access your google plus page. I have found some very good tutorials on YouTube that will explain to you how to block someone on gmail, and how to block someone on google plus. 
There is also one for how to block someone from commenting on your videos on your YouTube Channel. 
You have to block someone from each of your sites separately. Just because you have blocked someone on gmail, does not mean they are blocked from google plus. You need to do each of them one by one. 
 
Just because they are blocked from YouTube does not mean they are blocked from google plus. 
You get the idea…
 
You need to block gmail, and then go over to block them from google plus. 
Follow the instructions from the videos below. There is one for each of the three places. Each one has a slightly different process for blocking, so you need to watch each one that you need to block someone on. 
 
 
How to Block someone from sending you emails on gmail
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How to block someone on google plus
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How to block a user from your youtube channel from commenting and watching your videos
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A Reminder

Grace for my Heart

Not everyone who is cruel is a narcissist.  Not everyone with whom we disagree is a narcissist.  While it is helpful for us to have a category by which we can try to understand the crazy-makers of our lives, narcissism is a rather specific designation.  So it is important to be reminded occasionally of the actual definition of narcissism.

About once a year I like to repost a definition that I think is helpful.  New readers may see narcissism more clearly in the person(s) they deal with, or they may decide this has been a wrong track.  Either way, I think it is good for us to have something that helps to keep us on track.  

So, here you go…

What is a narcissist?

It’s Narcissist Friday!   

Unfortunately the meanings of words adapt to common usage.  A narcissist used to be someone who fit a certain psychological pattern determined…

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aftermath of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse, emotional abuse, narcissistic abuse syndrome, Uncategorized

C-PTSD from Emotional / Mental Abuse

girl crying 2

image from Pinterest HERE

Trauma during childhood and teenage years leaves fractured pieces of yourself, existing in time. As you begin to accept those child parts that feel abandoned, you will begin to realize that time is not as linear as we have been programmed to perceive it.

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All of those parts of you exists now. You can reach out to them and bring them into yourself to integrate those fractured parts, so they do not feel rejected and abandoned.
This will help you to be more in the present, so that you can think more clearly and see what you want and what you can do with your life.
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C-PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is caused by being in on-going emotional / mental abuse from people that you feel entrapped with. There is no way to leave the situation, when you are a child and you are stuck in whatever situations your parents put you into.
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Emotional abuse and other kinds of abuse cause emotional wounds.

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These emotional wounds are not able to heal while you are still in the abusive situations. Usually children are so used to the way they are living that there is no real frame of reference to know that you are being abused, or the degree to which the abuse is.

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Wounded children feel abandoned in time, and there is no proper integration of these child parts into the whole. It is like there is still a wounded child inside of you that is waiting for someone to rescue them. Doing inner child work can help the fractured parts to become integrated.

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If you have C-PTSD from childhood trauma, abuse, or chaotic events, your may have fractures and wounds in your subconscious. This can cause depression, anxiety disorders, OCD and other kinds of mental illness.

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The feeling that you do not belong anywhere and that you are out of place can come from the fractured child parts feeling abandoned. They need to be accepted and nurtured.

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I am working on some hypnosis audios for healing the wounded child and helping the fractured parts to integrate. If you want to get updates about the audios, feel free to follow the Facebook Page,or to sign up on the contact page at theGentlekindness coachingweb site.