New post on the gentlekindness coaching facebook page
Psychic violence is an attack on your psychological well being. Psychopaths and malignant narcissists attack you in this manner, in order to make you spiritually weaker. Keep up some kind of spiritual practice for your own well being, whether it is yoga, meditation, drumming circles, church groups with trusted people, or watching videos that spiritually uplift you…ex. Teal Swan or Ajahn Brahm, the buddhist monk.
Important things to teach our children
-to think for themselves
-think through the words and behaviors of others
– to listen to your own intuition
– feelings in your head and your body are always telling you something
-If something feels wrong it probably is
-If something does not make sense to you, then someone may be manipulating you.
-Balance is important in everything…especially relationships
-You do not have to pay now to benefit later in a relationship. It is an idea the manipulative people want women to buy
-Everyone is not innately good, although many people are
-Don’t overlook things you do not like in a relationship just because you do not want to be alone
-Learn to be happy spending time alone
-You are worthy of being treated special
-Anyone who tells you that you cannot do better than them is lying
-You never deserve abuse
-If someone makes you feel bad a lot of the time, the relationship is not food for you
-Your self esteem is important and anyone who cares about you knows this
-No one should be condescending or sarcastic to you in a relationship
-There is “no time frame” for having to fall in love, get married or be committed
-Someone who loves you will not pressure you
-Someone who cares about you will not shame or guilt to manipulate you
-Punishments and retaliation are not part of a loving relationship
-You should not have to change for anyone
-No one is going to change for you
-There is no “point of no return” about leaving a relationship
-Another person does not make you “whole.” You are already complete.
-You don’t have to follow any path just because someone else wants you to.
Trauma from abuse never really goes away. It is a part of us that we have to live with every day. How that trauma affects us, depends on the person and the healing methods you are able to find that work for you.
Domestic abuse trauma is severe and can impact our lives negatively for a very long time. The attack on our self-esteem by our abuser was deliberate and insidious. Our abuser attempted to control our thoughts and behaviors by making us feel inadequate and ashamed.
The feelings of guilt, shame and worthlessness are carried with us, until we are able to acknowledge that we were truly traumatized and accept the fact that we sustained psychological injury from the abuse.
Once we can accept that we were not at fault, and did nothing to deserve to be abused, then we can begin to grow and learn how to cope with the mental injuries.
The scars of abuse will always be with us, but we can work towards reducing the open wounds in our emotions and our minds. When we have gaping, painful wounds, our everyday lives tend to revolve around them.
We try to avoid being “bumped into” in an emotional or mental way. Our brains cannot tolerate even the slightest thing that might re-traumatize us.
Anything that reminds us of the abuser, the circumstances surrounding the abuse, or how we felt during the abuse, may be intolerable. This may cause us to organize our lives around avoiding anything that might trigger a state of post traumatic stress. We will develop behavior patterns of avoidance and may be in a state of hyperarousal almost all of the time.
The hyper-arousal state is when all of our guards are up. We are constantly scanning our environment for possible threats. These may be physical threat or mental / emotional threats. Because of the damage our brains have already sustained, we cannot risk any more damage.
This is something we instinctively know. We know that we cannot tolerate any more trauma or any more re-traumatization.
When we are newly out of the traumatic situation, our ability to feel relaxed and feel safe has been compromised. There seem to be threats all around us. This is true for some victims, but every individual is unique.
Some people may go several months or more, without any noticeable symptoms, and then suddenly begin to show signs of post traumatic stress.
We lose our ability to trust our own judgement and may avoid any situation we are not sure of. We ended up in abuse one time and we are afraid to experience that again. We are also afraid to be triggered into having traumatic memories flooding back into our brains.
The memories of the abuse can be overwhelming and painful to us. We want to get away from them. There are people that remind us of our abuser in some way.
There are situations that remind us of situations we were in. There are also other things like locations, songs, sounds, sensations and objects that can remind us of the original trauma.
The individual triggers are different for different people. It is good to pay attention to what triggers you and be mindful of your reactions and feelings.
The more you understand about your own responses, be them behavioral or internal, the further along the path to healing you will be.
Here is a video from the Show Boundaries YouTube channel about a tapping technique that is for PTSD.
And here is a video from my YouTube channel about PTSD from abuse
For more info about healing from abuse, visit my web site at gentlekindnesscoaching.com
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