November 15th will be my 8 month anniversary of NO CONTACT with my abusive partner. I still have narcissists in my family that I want to break contact with but I am stuck in the situation for the time being. Let us hope that I can get on my feet and be able to take control back of my life to the fullest extent.
Get away from me
Get out of my life
I have had enough lies from you
You have had your fun
You have done your deed
Now it is time for you
to move on to your next victim
Get away from me
Get out of my brain
I have had enough obsessive thoughts about you
You burrowed in deep
To my subconsciousness
Now it is time for you
to be washed off
like the dirt on my skin
Get away from my daughters
Get away from my sisters
They have no weakness for you
For I have learned my lesson
and passed it on
So that you will never get through
Mark my words
you will never be
Anyone of any strength
For you pick on the weak ones
and steer clear of the strong ones
Like a bully in the schoolyard
Move along on your way
In my brain you won’t stay
I have no more desire for you
Your narcissistic ways
Your abusive tactics
Will work on me no more
Get off of my skin
I won’t let you in
to do more damage to me
You tried hard to break me
And now you forsake me
But I rose above all your damage
You thought you could beat me
But you can’t defeat me
My love and compassion still live
I’ll learn to love again
and be sure to spread the word
About the monsters
that disguise themselves as people
How can I feel okay after the relationship with an abusive person ends? Why do I feel so lonely and miss them?
You will not feel ok, at the beginning. It is very painful and I empathize with the extreme emotional trauma of the breakup. Due to the tendency of a narcissist to become blended with you , when you break up, it is hard to function without them. They will do much better than you and recover faster.
The illusion is that they are very needy of you and that you are their angel and savior. It seems like they should have an emotional crisis and be in the same pain you are after the breakup, but it is usually much more painful for the victim.
You actually loved them and felt real caring for them. You probably still worry if they will be able to survive without you. But they are good at getting people to the things they want and need them to do. They will manipulate them with flattery, and a seemingly humble deferring to their expertise.
They will then appear as a helpless, victimized person who is desperate for the other person’s help. They will get help and be able to find people to be there for them. Believe me.
You can let that worry go, and that will help you to start with. You do not have to feel guilty about breaking up.
The other reason you feel pain, is that the narcissist was involved in every aspect of your life and in every part of your day. There is no thing you can do, that does not make you feel like you should be doing it with them. You feel like you should be consulting with them, checking in with them, getting approval from them.
You temporarily lost your individual identity to this relationship. It will take time to get it back and learn to make your own choices without feeling guilty. Remember, in healthy relationships, people do not have to get permission for everything they do or include the partner in everything they do all day.
There was a feeling that you thought was love from them, but it was their need to be in control over you and over everything. They scolded you if you did not call them bout your plans and also if you did not schedule your day around them.
You become used to scheduling your day around the other person. It feels like you are working as a team to d that, but the question is,”How many times did they ever, work their schedule around you? How many times did they ever put your needs before their own?”
In contrast, “How many times did you rearrange things for them because they told you it was an emergency? How many times did you sacrifice and put your needs before theirs??”
Part of you knew that this was not right. You knew that if they really loved you, then they would put your needs as a priority sometimes, especially when you were suffering for some reason. But what happened every time you needed them to help you? They suddenly had a crisis that was much more important than yours. Something suddenly came up that was a life and death circumstance with their job and they had to tell you “NO” this time.
How many times did you ever tell them no? What happened when you did try to tell them you could not do something?
How many times did they tell you “ok no problem” when you asked for something? When they did do something for you, how many times did they remind you about it? Did they use it as an excuse not to do anything for you, for a long time after that?
On the other hand, how many favors would you do for them in a row? When you tried to say “N0” to the 20th favor they asked, because you were overloaded, how did they respond? Did they make you feel like a bad partner? Did they mention the one favor they did for you? Did they seem to completely forget all of the other things you have ever done for them, like they did not exist?
Yeah, been there, done that.
It is going to hurt. But it will get less over time. The more of your identity you get back, the better. The more you become comfortable with making your choices and running your own schedule again, the better.