After you have been abused, you have trouble with trusting your own perceptions about reality. Your sense of reality was so distorted by the abuser that you can fall into a derealization state.
Sometimes the derealization state is a defense mechanism of the brain, right after the relationship ends, in order to protect you from the full onslaught of emotions about what happened.
Sometimes the derealization comes and goes throughout the day and with other people it is constant. You might be driving and suddenly look up and have no idea where you are or where you were trying to go.
You might find yourself cooking dinner and your hands that are cutting vegetables appear to be someone else’s hands. You feel like you are in a dream or watching a movie.
This derealization can last for different amounts of time for different people. There is difficulty feeling attached to your own reality.
This detachment from reality can be frightening and you may feel that you are losing your mind.
This is common for people that havebeenmentally abused. The realization that someone intentionally disturbing your sense of reality is very hard for your brain to process.
The difficulty accepting what happened to you, is part of the cause of this derealization.
The other reason is that your brain is attempting to protect you from further trauma.
Have you ever heard the Red Pill reference? This is a metaphor which was derived from the movie The Matrix.
The red pill represents the sudden and shocking realization that your reality has been interfered with. The things you believed to be real were fed to your brain by an insidious source.
Every time you remember something from the relationship and suddenly a light goes off in your head that it was not what you believed, that is a red pill moment.
Every few days after the breakup a whole new red pill will suddenly force itself down your throat. You will realize something they lied about or something they did to deceive you.
It might be a phone call that seemed to be a mis-dial by their new victim. The woman accidentally called you, but she was trying to call them.
In my case, his new victim called me once. She was working for him and she called my number asking for an electrician.
I told her this was not an office of any electrician. She persisted to insist that it must be, because she was given this number to call.
Then she said the name of my ex…we can refer to him as Ned. She said “Do you know Ned”.
I told her that I did know him. She then went on to tell me that he was very busy in his new offices. She said he had called her with instructions to the electrician and he gave her my number by mistake.
Now there is no way he could possibly make that mistake. The electrician would have had the area code of his state.
Even she would have questioned a phone number with the area code of a different state, if she were calling for work to be done at the office.
It did not make sense to me until the red pill moment. Suddenly I saw her with him in a bedroom. I had been calling him and leaving messages for hours.
The reason I had been worried is because earlier that day, he told me he was having chest pains, but he was still going to move heavy boxes at his new offices.
He was supposed to call me and was four hours late to call. I was worried and he had ignored four calls from me.
So he had this woman “accidentally ” call me, but say she was trying to call the electrician. Then she would not take no for an answer when I told her she had the wrong number.
She just kept insisting that Ned gave her this number and was I sure the electrician was not here.
It was so bizarre and I thought she was crazy. But he had instructed her to call me. And tell me that he was soooooo busy with the new offices at 2 am that he could not call me.
But he took time to call her and tell her to call the electrician.
By the way….does anyone know an electrician that takes calls at 2 am, in order to give an estimate on wiring an office?
So, this derealization protects us from getting all these red pills at one time and detaches us from the reality.
I am not saying the derealization is good. It means you have been severely traumatized.
You have to seek help and support. There are supportive people online…WordPress, YouTube, who have been through narcissistic abuse.
You cannot talk to people that have not been through it. They will not understand.
There are therapists and coaches who can help you but you have to find someone who specializes in narcissistic abuse.
I am currently available for coaching . If you prefer a male coach, I would recommend Richie from Spartan Life Coach .
You can also look for a therapist but ask them ahead of time if they know about C-PTSD and also narcissistic abuse. They will be no good to you unless they understand the type of trauma that is involved in narcissistic abuse.
My thoughts are with you.