All people have needs to survive. We need to have proper shelter, food and health care. People need to feel safe and that their needs will be met.
Maslow developed the hierarchy of needs theory in 1943. He stated that people have needs that must be met before other ones. The basic needs for shelter and safety must be met for all people.
There is no room for fun, learning, socializing or self-actualizing without the basic needs being met first.
The person fails to thrive. All the things other people do are just not the priority. The safety is the priority and dominates the person’s thoughts and emotions.
When someone is in a living situation where these needs are not met, they are left feeling vulnerable and afraid. The situation is unsafe and potentially life threatening.
There are different types of domestic abuse. All of them involve the person being stripped of their self-esteem and being denied basic needs that every human has.
There are men and women who experience violence against them in their own home. There are episodes of violence and there is a constant threat of violence.
This threat forces the brain to be on alert and suspicious all the time. Your brain learns that it needs to be on high alert at all times, to search the environment for danger.
The brain is not designed to be in this state for a prolonged periods of time and damage can occur to the way the brain assesses the possibility and level of potential threats for years to come.
There are domestic abuse situations which involve financial abuse. People are controlled financially and cannot take care of their own needs. This kind of abuse can keep the victim feeling trapped into the relationship, because they have no means to support themselves on their own.
I lived in an abuse situation years ago in which I had to go without heat for most of a very cold winter.
My money was controlled and I was not “allowed” to purchase heating oil. I still fear the cold and fee post traumatic stress reaction when the winter season begins to make its way into my state.
When a person is not taken care of and not permitted to take care of themselves, it causes a trauma.
It is terrifying to feel that you are in danger of freezing, going hungry, going without medical care and any other basic needs. When someone denies you basic human needs it is frightening and creates a horrible feeling of vulnerability.
Living in these types of abusing situations also causes severe damage to a person’s self-esteem. They may doubt their own ability to provide for their own basic needs for years after the original trauma.
The feeling of being vulnerable and in danger is carried in the brain and in the nervous system.
Any situation which is a reminder of the original traumatic abusive situation can trigger a post traumatic stress attack. The person will collapse under the weight of the fear and not be able to function normally.
In addition to traumatic attacks (like severe panic attacks), the person can have a constant feeling of being unsafe. They feel that any minute something could happen to put them in a place of fear and danger.
Most people have never been in a dangerous situation of violence of of being in danger of starving or freezing to death. They have never been in a situation where someone threatened to cause them to lose their job unless they were compliant.
We have lived through an on-going situation of terror and physical and mental abuse. Being forced to go without basic needs is mentally abusive as well as physically abusive.
It is also emotionally abuse to be shunned and made to feel like an outcast in your own home. We need to be loved. You need to be accepted and supported by others. It is a survival instinct to be part of a family or tribe of some kind.
How could the person we trusted and loved, allow us to suffer like that? They made us feel that we were at fault or that we did not deserve to be taken care of? We did not deserve to be able to take care of ourselves.
It is difficult for people to understand the post traumatic stress that can result from living in a domestic abuse situation. It can take years to feel safe again or the person may never feel truly safe
..A person who survived domestic abuse trusted someone who violated them in the worst possible way. They treated them like they were not human. It is very hard to truly trust anyone again after that happens to you.
It is a terrible thing to live with post traumatic stress disorder. It is sad that so many people do not understand how we feel.
We have lived through situations where there was a very real threat. In our minds, what is to keep it from happening again. Our good judgement?
We feel like our judgement let us down already. How can we trust ourselves? With time you can re-wire the neural pathways that have been affected by the abuse.
One of the things to understand is that it is not your judgement that let you down. You probably had a gut feeling that something was wrong, early in the relationship. But you were conditioned during your lifetime to ignore that intuition, especially if the evidence you perceive tells you that your gut reaction is not warranted.
If you grew up in an emotionally abusive house as a child, then your feelings were not given any priority. Your thoughts and feelings were shut down. So you learned to discount them as an adult.
You have to learn to listen to your intuition and know that your feelings are there to guide you, as well as to protect you. Your feelings will warn you about predators and people that are unhealthy for you to be with.
My hope is for awareness that will generate some understanding. I also pray that all of the many people suffering PTSD from domestic abuse are able to one day find peace and a feeling of safety.
Every act of compassion matters. Each time you offer a kindness to another living being it matters.
Whether or not you feel that they appreciated your intention afterwords or not, does not change what your intention was.
Sometimes we are not aware of the motives of others, or what is going on in their heads. You may have had a relationship with someone for a long time, and then realized that they never felt the way you thought they did.
They may not have accepted your loving intentions in the way you wanted them to. Some people feel entitled to your service, and therefore cannot truly appreciate the caring intention behind things you did for them. This does not change what your intention was.
Just because the reality of someone is different than your own does not change the power of your personal meaning for acts of compassion and kindness towards them.
Kindness can be shown to random strangers or even people who you never see. You may have held the door for a mom who was struggling with babies and bags at the store. Your small kindness may have affected her mood in a way that it was passed into her…and then she passed the kindness energy along to someone in her home.
You do not always see the domino effect of your good heart.
It is true that sometimes people will turn on you when you least expect it. You may feel that this negates every kindness you ever showed them. But this is not true.
Kindness and compassion are poweful energies. They exist in spite of people who cannot accept or appreciate their pure essence.
This is not to say that you should allow people to walk over you. It is not to encourage you to go out of your way for manipulative people. Not at all.
It is just let you know that your intentions always matter. They have a far more reaching effect than the particular person or situation.
Generating loving intentions towards others sends these intentions out into the energy fields all around you. You can send positive energies to someone sitting near you on the bus, and never speak a word to them.
The energy of intention takes on a life of its own. If you are empathic at all, then you can feel when someone near you is projecting bad energy like anger or evil intention. It is felt in your gut or other places in the body.
The people around you feel and receive the intentions you create. You can self generate compassion and kindness. It can be sent tosomeone else with a gentle touch on the shoulder, or just by making eye contact.
Studies have been able to prove that there are magnetic fields of energy that are projected out from each individual person.
In fact this is true for all living things. That is why you can feel certain kinds of grounding energies when you are in nature.
Trees and plants give off magnetic energy fields. Human magnetic energy fields extend at least 3 to 6 feet in all directions, based on scientific research and studies.
Paying attention to your gut feelings can protect you from people sending malicious energies. It can also guide you toward people that create positive intention and project that compassion outward for others to feel and access.
Some people are energy vampires. You feel drained of energy after spending time with them.
Others are generous with their beautiful strengthening energies. Humans can transmit feelings of empathy, excitement, acceptance and many other loving energy fields.
Any act of kindness or positive intention you have done or will do, matters. Anytime you project compassion, it has an effect on the collective consciousness of living things.
Even if it turns out that you could not connect with someone in the way you wanted to or expected to, your positive intentions were still sent out to other living beings around you.
Try to surround yourself with loving, supportive people that accept your beautiful pure energies.
Even if someone has let you down in the past, you can still connect with caring people.
Your intentions matter, although you cannot change people who do not want to change. Everyone will not see you for who you are.
Everyone will not be receptive to healing energies, empathy or kindness. Some people just want to see how much they can manipulate you. Try to learn how to identify these kinds of people, so you can minimize contact with them.
The higher your consciousness level, the more truth you will see about the energy fields being projected by others.
Low consciousness levels will attract other people in similar consciousness levels.
Abuse and trauma can sometimes bring your consciousness level down, and affect what kinds of energy you are projecting.
Be careful to assess your psychological and spiritual state, before interacting with others.
Strengthen your ability to self generate states you want to be in.
Awareness of your intuition, gut feelings and energy sensations in your body will help you to self generate specific states.
All of your compassionate intentions have mattered and will continue to matter.
Even intentions that you sent out to people undeserving of those intentions, are not lost. The effect on the energetic dimension was still there, even if the person you were trying to care for had ulterior motives.
People may try to drain your energies because they can control a drained person easier than someone filled with excitement and purpose.
You can build energy projection skills. You can practice self generating moods and states of being. The better you become at these skills, the more powerful you will be.
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It is extremely tempting to keep checking on what your ex is up to. They count on this and will intentionally pose for pictures that will bother you, and then post them on their facebook page. They want you to see them havint a great time with the new target.
The narcissists gets fuel (narcissistic supply) from knowing that you are jealous of their new partner. They will intentionally take that partner to places and activities they told you they would not do with you. This is to rub salt into your already painful wounds.
For all you know they dragged the person to those places and they did not really want to go. You know how powerful the narcissist is at manipulating. If course the partner is going to smile for the pictures, because they do not want to look bad on facebook.
You are being mind controlled by the narcissist. They want you to think that this time the relationship is real, and that you missed out because you were not good enough for them. But it is all the same game.
The pathological narcissists works in cycles. They repeat them over and over again. The idealization and devaluing….the triangulation of the new target with the ex lover. They gain lots of narcissistic supply from triangulating you with the new partner,because they are causing jealousy in both of you.
They are mentioning you to the new partner. Your name will likely come up from time to time, just so the new target knows they have to stay in line, if they want to keep the relationship. The narcissist will tell lies about you in any number of ways. They may tell the new partner that you are still interested in them…or that you were better at something that they are.
This is all part of garnering fuel (narcissistic supply). You are playing into their hands, just the way they planned, by checking on their facebook page and other social media. In order to heal, you have to go No Contact for real.
Checking their pictures and activities is still a passive form of contact. You need to heal and regain your identity. Unfriend them and let them stew about that. It is the best way to get back at them.
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Psychic violence is an attack on your psychological well being. Psychopaths and malignant narcissists attack you in this manner, in order to make you spiritually weaker. Keep up some kind of spiritual practice for your own well being, whether it is yoga, meditation, drumming circles, church groups with trusted people, or watching videos that spiritually uplift you…ex. Teal Swan or Ajahn Brahm, the buddhist monk.