Why does your narcissist accuse you of cheating out of the intention to cheat?
If they do this, and there is no basis for it, then your narcissist is projecting their own intentions onto you. They are either cheating on you, or they know that they would.
Why does your abuser accuse you of being underhanded or “sneaky”?
If you are being accused of being deceptive, or of going behind their backs, and there is no basis for this, then guess What? They are being deceptive with you. Plus they are just deceptive in general.
Are you being spied on by your partner who accuses you of “being up to something”?
Do they constantly think you are doing things behind their back?
Have you been loyal to a fault, and given them no logical reason to see you this way?
They are projecting their own bad qualities on to you. This is their way of making you “pay” for their machinations and insincere behaviors.
It is their way of dumping the accountability for their actions into you. It is a kind of “blame shifting” called “projection.”
Anyone who is not cheating on you, and has no thoughts about cheating on you, has no reason to even think that you would cheat on them. Unless you actually bring the subject of cheating onto the table, there is no reason for someone to assume you would be doing that.
Unless someone has evidence or reasons to think you might be deceitful and plotting against them, there is no normal reason to accuse you of these traits.
If you started the relationship with your partner with good intentions towards them, and they started the relationship with good intentions towards you, then why should they suddenly accuse you of having changed?
These sudden accusations, with no basis in reality, are the narcissist’s way of justifying their own actions and intentions.
They will justify spying on you, and obliterating your personal boundaries, in the name of “protecting themselves” or “keeping you in line.”
All the while, they are redirecting your attention towards defending yourself, instead of observing the narcissist’s behavior.
They will dump shame and guilt into you , in order to avoid any accountability for their own treachery.
The narcissist will never be accountable for their own actions, mistakes, behaviors or for their own short-comings. Instead, they project their bad qualities onto you, in order to make your life miserable.
They will accuse you, and become paranoid about your intentions, in order to put you on the defensive.
While you are busy trying to convince the narcissist that you are not “up to” anything, they are getting away with whatever behaviors they want to. This includes accusing you, spying on you, isolating you, and making you feel like you live in a prison camp.
They want you to be too busy catching your breath that you don’t have time to see what they are doing to you. And they most certainly do not want you to ever know that their behavior is intentional, in order to distract you from seeing things in realistic perspective.
You do not deserve to be accused of things that don’t even fit your personality. This just shows you that the person does not really know you anyway.
Plus, there is a double standard at work here. While the narcissist becomes indignant and accusatory of you alleged intentions, they feel perfectly entitled to do all of the things they are accusing you of, and more.
It has nothing to do with you. You have done nothing wrong if you have done nothing wrong.
As silly as that sounds, the narcissist will actually make their victim feel guilty for things they are not doing wrong. They will twist reality around in the victim’s mind until they feel like they have done something to deserve the accusations.
Make no mistake. This kind of treatment is emotionally abusive. This kind of gaslighting is psychological abuse.
Any kind of gaslighting or psychological abuse is damaging to your well being in the long run. Even in short time periods, gaslighting can cause harm to you.
Abusive relationships can drag out much longer that outside observers can understand. One of the reasons is that the double standards, the gaslighting and the other psychological abuse can cause the victim to become imprisoned in a mental hell.
Recognizing this kind of abuse, and being able to put labels on it, can be a Step toward freedom.
The effects of psychological and emotional abuse can last long after the relationship has ended.
This can make you vulnerable to being targeted by another abuser.
Remember that all predators do not present themselves the same way initially. Learn the red flags of predators and how to identify abuse.
Realise your personal worth and know that you bring value to any relationship. This knowledge will help you to protect yourself from future predators and abusive personalities