domestic abuse, emotional abuse, life, mental abuse, Narcissist psychopath, narcissistic abuse, Narcissists, narcopath, Psychopath, psychopathic abuse

PTSD Caused by Neglect and Abuse by a Partner

All people have needs to survive. We need to have proper shelter, food and health care. People need to feel safe and that their needs will be met.

Maslow developed the hierarchy of needs theory in 1943. He stated that people have needs that must be met before other ones. The basic needs for shelter and safety must be met for all people.

There is no room for fun, learning, socializing or self-actualizing without the basic needs being met first.

The person fails to thrive. All the things other people do are just not the priority. The safety is the priority and dominates the person’s thoughts and emotions.

When someone is in a living situation where these needs are not met, they are left feeling vulnerable and afraid. The situation is unsafe and potentially life threatening.

There are different types of domestic abuse. All of them involve the person being stripped of their self-esteem and being denied basic needs that every human has.

There are men and women who experience violence against them in their own home. There are episodes of violence and there is a constant threat of violence.

This threat forces the brain to be on alert and suspicious all the time.

The brain is not designed to be in this state for a prolonged periods of time and damage can occur to the way the brain assesses the possibility and level of potential threats for years to come.

There are domestic abuse situations which involve financial abuse. People are controlled financially and cannot take care of their own needs.

I lived in an abuse situation years ago in which I had to go without heat for most of a very cold winter.

My money was controlled and I was not “allowed” to purchase heating oil. I still fear the cold and feel very unsafe and can go into a state of post traumatic stress when I fear that I will be forced to be cold. Even the oncoming winter is frightening to me.

When a person is not taken care of and not permitted to take care of themselves, it causes a trauma.

It is terrifying to feel that you are in danger of freezing, going hungry, going without medical care and any other basic needs. When someone denies you basic human needs it is frightening and creates a horrible feeling of vulnerability.

Living in these types of abusing situations also causes severe damage to a person’s self-esteem. They may doubt their own ability to provide for their own basic needs for years after the original trauma.

The feeling of being vulnerable and in danger is carried in the brain and in the nervous system.

Any situation which is a reminder of the original traumatic abusive situation can trigger a post traumatic stress attack. The person will collapse under the weight of the fear and not be able to function normally.

In addition to traumatic attacks (like severe panic attacks), the person can have a constant feeling of being unsafe. They feel that any minute something could happen to put them in a place of fear and danger.

Most people have never been in a dangerous situation of violence of of being in danger of starving or freezing to death. They have never been in a situation where someone threatened to cause them to lose their job unless they were compliant.

We have lived through an on-going situation of terror and physical and mental abuse. Being forced to go without basic needs is mentally abusive as well as physically abusive.

It is also emotionally abusive. We need to be loved.

How could the person we trusted and loved, allow us to suffer like that? They made us feel that we were at fault or that we did not deserve to be taken care of. We did not deserve to be able to take care of ourselves.

It is difficult for people to understand the post traumatic stress that can result from living in a domestic abuse situation. It can take years to feel safe again or the person may never feel truly safeIt is hard to trust people again.

A person who survived domestic abuse trusted someone who violated them in the worst possible way. They treated them like they were not human. It is very hard to truly trust anyone again after that happens to you.

It is hard to trust situations.

I trusted that I would have food and heat once. Now I never really feel confident that my current situation will be able to be sustained.

I am often anxious on my way home about  whether or not the house will still have heat in the winter. The fear does not subside until I enter the door and feel that the heat is working.

It is a terrible thing to live with post traumatic stress disorder. It is sad that so many people do not understand how we feel. 

We have lived through situations where there was a very real threat. In our minds, what is to keep it from happening again. Our good judgement?

Clearly our judgement let us down already. How can we trust ourselves?

My hope is for awareness that will generate some understanding. I also pray that all of the many people suffering PTSD from domestic abuse are able to one day find peace and a feeling of safety.


abuse red flags, abusive relationships, emotional abuse, life, mental abuse, narcissistic abuse, no contact from narcissist

Celebrate Your Independence From Your Abusive Partner


Whether you have been independent, from the manipulation of your abuser, for one week or 12 years,  celebrate your strength, your independence and your individuality ! Your voice matters and your individuality is a gift to others !

anti-social personality disorder, life, narcissism, Narcissists, psychopathic abuse, psychopaths

Video Review and Link – The Psychopath Next Door Documentary 2014

This is a very interesting video. The beginning of it is about psychopaths in the workplace and in corporations.

It explains the ways that psychopaths are able to charm their way up the corporate ladder. They manipulate people, lie, deceive clients and generate small cults among their co-workers.

The video makes reference to the book called  Without a Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us by  Robert Hare.  This book includes the psychopathic checklist of 20 characteristics, developed by Hare.

Psychopaths do not have a conscience and do not feel remorse for hurting other people.

Many of the banks and large corporations thought that using this checklist as a guideline would enable them to be able to hire  someone who would be ruthless and make the company lots of money. 

This is most likely to backfire on any company that thinks this is a good idea. Psychopaths are only loyal to themselves. Sooner or later they will exploit the company that hired them.

Psychopaths in Intimate Relationships

After the section of this video about psychopaths in the workplace, there is a section about psychopaths and how they prey on women, lure them in and then let their mask slip. There is an interview with one woman who was married to a psychopath, who tells some of her story.

Stephen Porter  is a forensic psychiatrist who conducted an experiement to see how psychopaths compare to other people when trying to identify emotions on the faces of people.

The psychopath could detect fear on people’s faces far better than other people could. 

The ability to detect fear is used by the psychopath in order to identify the weakest link.  The psychopath is a predator and is looking for the person that will be easiest for them to manipulate.

As I have mentioned in some of the YouTube Videos I have posted, this skill is also used to identify the fears of their victim.

The psychopath will have conversations with the victim and listen for chinks in their armor.   While the victim is talking about their past and their current situations, the predator takes mental notes about the things that generate fear in their victim. Later these fears can be used against the victim as ways to manipulate them. 

The skill of identifying what fears a person has is used by the psychopath with romantic partner victims,  workplace victims, clients, and other people that they want to manipulate.  Threatening someone with their deepest fear is extremely effective.

For example a mother can be easily manipulated by a psychopathic husband if he threatens to harm the child.

This is especially true if he has demonstrated in front of the wife, that he is perfectly capable of harming the child without remorse.

Most mothers would do what the psychopathic husband wants her to due in order to protect their vulnerable baby, young child or teenager. This is one of the most powerful weapons the abusive person has to maintain control over their partner.

Psychopaths cluster in certain kinds of professions.

The percentage of narcissists and psychopaths in certain professions is considerable higher than the percentage of narcissists and psychopaths in the population.

 I am planning to research this particular topic to write a post about it, so if you want to know the common professions you can watch this video for some of them, and you can see more details in my upcoming post. 

There is a lot of information in this video. You probably know a lot of it, if you have been studying narcissism,  but it is good to refresh what you know from time to time.

aftermath of abuse, emotional abuse, life, mental abuse, narcissism, narcissistic abuse, Narcissists, Psychopath, psychopathic abuse

Victims of Abuse …You did Not Choose to be Abused!

domestic abuse, domestic abuse meme, domestic violence, emotional abuse, life, mental abuse, mental abuse meme, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic abuse meme, narcissistic abuse syndrome

You Never Do Anything to Deserve Abuse…No Matter What They Tell You

you do not deserve abuse

life, mental abuse, mental health, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic abuse syndrome, poetry


Promises are words

whispered into your ear

For no one else to hear

Just reminders of the fear

Of broken promises long ago

Lies that were told to keep the flow

The way they wanted for it to be

Promises made to imprison me

abuse, abuse red flags, battered women, domestic abuse, domestic violence, life, mental abuse, mental health, narcissist, PTSD from domestic abuse, red flags you are dating an abuser, relationships, women abuse

A Few of the Red Flags Explained …How to Know You are in a Relationship with a Narcissist

my property

There are many red flags that you may be in an abusive relationship. I have chosen some here to explain.  I will make other posts that go over other red flags.

Excessive and quick commitment to relationships.

Narcissists are like hunters.  They see what they want and they take it. Whereas most people will be cautious when choosing a long term partner, the narcissist will seemingly decide that you are  ” The One”  right away. There is no time of getting to know you. The usual amount of time from one level of the relationship to the next level are ignored completely. You date a few times and then they talk about moving in with you. They are very quick to asking you to be exclusive with them.

Extremely possessive and jealous, confused with love

The narcissist does not love you, they own you. They tell you that they are protecting you for your own good, by limiting and controlling who you talk to and who you socialize with. It is not unusual for them to tell you not to wear makeup when you go out. This is because they do not want other guys even looking at you. Most guys take pride in showing off their beautiful woman, but narcissist men.

Excessive monitoring

Do you have to check in with them every hour? Do they need to know where you are and how long you will be there? Do they become upset if you made a stop on the way home that they were not aware of?  Narcissists have to know where you are at all times.

Dominating time

Narcissists will demand your time, even when you want or need to do something else. They will interfere with your sleep, your studying, preparing things for your job, your social life, your yoga class and your me time. They will not be there for you when you need them to be. They will set clear boundaries about their sleep, their work schedule and whatever is important to them. Their things are important but your are not.

Extreme sense of entitlement

There is an extreme sense of entitlement. This is one of the things you can possibly pick up on, early in the relationship. You will see them become angered when their co-worker gets promoted over them. They expect to be treated better than any other customer at the restaurant. They feel entitled to things that other people get, even when they do not deserve them. This will flow into your relationship when you want to spend time with friends and your partner feels entitled to that time. They will not negotiate or compromise things. When they do not get what they want , they become angry.