abusive men, abusive relationships, domestic abuse, emotional abuse, Uncategorized

The Dark Triad Type of Predator

There is a type of predator that is so dark, that the results of any relationship with one of them is the destruction of basically everything they can possibly destroy in regards to you and your life.

These narcissistic predators will cause their victims to sink into such a pit of darkness that you will have  have moments where you believe that death might be a welcome relief.

They drive their victims to having deep depression and often suicidal thoughts. You will find yourself questioning whether you were mentally unbalanced the whole time, rather than wanting to think that the abuser caused it on purpose.

This type of dark creature appears nearly normal in public, so that no one suspects anything is wrong with them. They might even be well thought of in the community as a humanitarian, a scholar, an artist, or a leader.

Little do their circle of associates know that there is a dangerous contempt and rage seething at their core. There is a resentment of authority and an extreme obsession with manipulation and control.

The rage usually only occurs once the curtains are drawn and the doors are locked. However, it is always lurking just below the surface of their well constructed mask.

The Dark Triad Predator lures their victims into their battle field by covering it with roses, Christian crosses, bibles, yoga mats, money, or whatever else will hold your attention just long enough to keep you from looking too deep into their eyes.

They don’t want you to see it yet.

No. Not so soon. These things must be carefully times.

Showing the rage too soon might cause fear or horror to creep into your mind prematurely.

That just wouldn’t do, now would it?

In order to disguise the creature that lurks beneath, this abuser avoids your glance.

Sometimes they will acknowledge your look while turning to the side or pointing to something alternate for you to look at.

It’s too early to let on.

They don’t want to reveal it yet.

Occasionally, in a bold moment, they may look right at you while in the midst of a vivacious monologue about themselves. But if you really looked…

But you didn’t,  did you?

All evil things come to those who wait, particularly if the waiting is being done by a target of this predator.

They will carefully monitor their vocal tone so as not to allow a glimmer of that rage  to seep through.

They don’t want you to hear it yet.

These predators will use slight of han, smoke and mirrors, and other tricks to get you to see the image they want you to see.

The image they want you to see is the good hearted person you have hoped for. It’s not time for you to look too deeply.

They don’t want you to see it yet.

Their conversations will engage, charm, and lead your mind towards imagining hopeful things for the future.

They are lying because they don’t want you to see the black pit that lies before you. Its just beyond the next step you’re getting ready to take.

The ground is getting ready to open. There is a gaping black hole just beyond where you’re standing, and the abuser won’t let on.

No, they want to lead you forward in the way that any great leader leads others. They promise rewards for believing in them and hint that it is best never to actually question them.

No. It’s better not to question them.

Not out loud.

Not in your mind.

Not at all. Not ever.

Little by little you learn to keep your opinions, your ideas, your suggestions and your gut feelings about things they say to yourself. You are being groomed.

You are being trained. You are being brainwashed. You are being indoctrinated into their world.

This is life with a dark triad personality. The three elements are narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellian personality.

Their world only really consists of them. Everyone else is a pawn in their great game of chess.

But they don’t want you to know it yet.

No. They don’t want you to see the blackness in their evil eyes. They don’t want you to hear the fury that is lying just beneath their well crafted exterior.

But most of all, they don’t want you to see what you are standing on. The fire that burns beneath the ground is building and the heat is increasing.

At a certain point, you will have reached the point of no return. Yes, maybe you could have made a polite, yet firm exit earlier on, but it’s too late for you now.

Even attempting to step a toe off that unholy ground would singe your toes and spread up your foot. No. There is no painless way out.

There is no way out from their clutches without severe losses. One of those losses could be your children. It could be your sanity. Or it could be your life.

Yes. Your life as you once knew it to be is no more. You can never go back. Not ever.

Moving forward from this point on will be pain, loss, grief, and extreme loss. So many losses.

But what do you know? The floor has been covered with those roses for some time now. Petals of softness under your feet.

Yes. Perhaps a thorn or two may have drawn a few drops of blood from time to time.

How many times you ask yourself? That’s funny. You can’t really remember. It’s like your memory has been affected.

Even when you try to think about stepping off of that predator’spredator’ s grounds, you don’t really see the edge of things. Maybe you’re tired. Maybe your perception has become a bit confused.

The edges have become blurred, haven’t they? The concept you once had of yourself has also become blurred. Blurred against what you wonder? Blending between yourself and who exactly?

You wonder who this dark stranger is. The one that spits vile words at you for reasons you cannot understand. Perhaps you are not as intelligent as they are to understand why they rage? Maybe.

Or maybe the person you thought you were being lead by is not the person you thought they were. Maybe, they are not a normal person at all.

You try to remember the things that once drove you. What sparked your passion ? Why has your brain been fully focused on the wants and desires of this one individual?

What happened to the person you used to be? It’s like you have been eviscerated. But how? You can’t remember now. Besides there’s no time for that.

The creature needs to be fed and looked after. After all, you wouldn’t want to upset him would you?

You know what could happen if he feels you are not doing you very best to serve and obey him, don’t you?

No?

Maybe you need a reminder, he roars at you. After all I’ve done for you and given up for you?

“I’m so sorry,” you mutter, with your head down. Your eyes look down at your toes, without dating to raise themselves up.

You don’t dare look into those eyes. You know the ones. They used to be a soothing brown, or perhaps a lovely blue.

But not lately. No. Not for quite some time.

Those eyes are black holes. That dark stare frightens you. No. Better to keep your head down, or at least look away.

You can pretend you’re like a little girl who’s been naughty. Maybe that will garner some human instinct in the creature.

But deep down, you know it won’t bring any humanity out in him. No. Nothing can brought out if it were never there in the first place.

There is only cruelty. There is only punishment. There is only shame. There is only them.

They wanted it that way all along. For you to be blurred with them. But why do they loath you so? Why aren’t they happy you have sacrificed yourself for Then?

You were supposed to do it. They were entitled to your submission. It’s not a gift of love. They don’t have to appreciate you.

You belong to them. They believe that you must obey them. They don’t see it as a choice. After all, they are so powerful. Once they will something to come about, it must come about.

You are merely a shadow of themselves. They have attributed their most loathsome qualities into you. Now they can spew all their contempt and hatred your way.

And when the sun shines again, it will not shine for you. And it will not shine for the creature.

As the sunlight dances off the beauty of the day, it dances for the person that does not exist. It shines for the illusory image that the creature covers itself with during the day.

As for you. You’ll have to hold the hand of that person that does not exist. And pray the creature lurking beneath does not come out to feed tonight.

Keep your head down. Avert your eyes. Speak carefully. Walk gently.

And whatever you do…. don’t look into their eyes.

You won’t like what you’ll see.

…..image from Pinterest

abusive relationships, emotional abuse, mental abuse, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, psychopathic abuse, red flags of a narcissist

Narcissists Combine Truth with Lies to Make you Believe Them

Narcissists are very good at persuasion techniques and ways to get you to trust them, in order to lure you in.

If you felt right away that they were not to be trusted then you would not have continued onto the next level of intimacy with them. 

Some narcissists actively study and train to learn these techniques and others just naturally develop them. Since they do not have to learn to follow the moral and ethical practices that other people do, it leaves them more time for learning these techniques by trial and error. 

Narcissists want to control people in order to extract narcissistic supply or to use them as sources for narcissistic supply in some way.

They can control you better if they learn about you. In order to learn about you they need you to reveal things about yourself to them.

You would not reveal personal things to someone like dreams, fears, and skeletons in your closet unless you felt like you could trust them with this intimate knowledge of you. They lure you into telling them about yourself by gaining your trust. 

The ways in which they gain your trust are intentional and basically a kind of hypnosis. 

There is something called Conversational Hypnosis, which is something that narcissists are good at. They have practice it over and over again and they have each developed their own special brand of brainwashing through hypnosis. 

This video that I have shared with you is a class by David Snyder. He is a really excellent teacher of hypnosis and NLP hypnosis. He teaches hypnosis to people who are therapists and life coaches amongst other professions that want to be able to lead people to certain goals. 

This type of hypnosis can be very helpful and add value to the lives of people, of the hypnotist has honest intentions and keeps the client safe. I have shared this video with you so that you can see that the techniques in this video are used by narcissists for malice.

If you have an opponent that is in a match with you and you do not understand the rules and techniques, but they do, this puts you at a great disadvantage. But once you understand the techniques that the narcissists use to lure you in, to get you to trust them and to believe the things they tell you, then you will be much harder to manipulate in the future. 

I recommend that you watch this video and see how he uses the technique of pacing and leading.

David Snyder defines a “pace”  as something in your present environment that the other person can verify as true. This means that the abuser will say things to you that you can validate as truth. 

Once they give you enough truth then your brain begins to expect that the next thing they say will be true. Once the victim’s brain sees that the narcissist is saying true things then it lowers its defenses (filters) and begins to accept the things the narcissist says as true. 

The next thing is called a “lead.” David Snyder defines a lead as something that you want the person to believe, to think, to say or to do. 

So the narcissist will give you 4 or 5 paces and then 1 lead. Then they will give you 4 paces and 2 leads. More and more the paces can become less and the they can give you more suggestions that they want you to believe to be true. 

Here is an example

Narcissist says…

“You are a single mother that has had to struggle with raising your kids on your own. You have had many obstacles in your life and you have overcome many things. Women have it hard when they have to work and also take care of their family. I really respect your resilience and I think you are to be commended. “

Do you see where this begins as true statements that you agree with and know to be true…and then…they tell you something that is not true but that they want you to believe? The “lead” that they want you to believe is that they have great respect for you and they think you deserve to be commended. 

In this context of the hypnotic pattern of pacing and leading, their words seem to be true and you do not question them. If they had just started off by saying “I have great respect for you and I think you are to be commended…you would not be sure of that were true about how they felt about you. 

During one conversation the narcissist can take you through this pattern of paces and leads many times. The more you begin to assume they are being transparent with you, the more you begin to trust them. The more you can validate the things they are saying are true, the more you will trust them. 

The narcissist can use this same technique to get you to believe the false self is really them. They begin by giving you “paces” which you can verify are true. They can tell you about the business they own and then show you the link to the web site. 

They can tell you that they specialize in a certain field and then demonstrate that they are knowledgeable in that field…or at least they can give you just enough that you believe they have proven that they are trained in that field. 

Then once they have given you things about themselves that your brain can verify to its satisfaction to be  true, then the narcissist can say something that you cannot verify but that your brain will accept as true.

This might be something about their personality that is not true such as …”I am a team player at work. I respect and listen to my employees”

Now you are seeing them as a person who respects their employees and someone that values people.

They might then give you some more paces and then tell you something like …”I am a loving kind of person. My employees feel like it is a family there. “

This of course is a complete lie since  their employees actually fear and loath them.  He controls and manipulates them and sucked the blood out of them while sadistically undermining and degrading them. 

But when he says it to you using the Conversational Hypnosis techniques, it really seems to be true. You feel as though he was telling you the truth from the beginning of the conversation and from then on you believe the things he tells you without question. 

Check out the video and have some fun with it. If you think of this as something new and fun to learn then I believe you will enjoy it. Instead of feeling bad about the games the narcissist played on you, learn the tactics they used so you can feel empowered. 

Once you know the rules they are playing by then they can no longer confuse and manipulate you without your knowledge and consent. At least not with this pace and lead technique.