abusive relationships, domestic abuse, emotional abuse, narcissism, narcissistic abuse, psychopathic abuse

After Narcissistic Abuse Article

Here is an excellent article about Narcissistic Abuse.

 Check out this blog by  After Narcissistic Abuse.

Learning is healing and learning is protecting yourself from predators. The more you understand how the narcissist operates, the easier you can recognize them. 

You were not at fault when the relationship ended or about the abuse during the relationship. 

Blessings, 

Annie

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domestic abuse, emotional abuse, life, mental abuse, narcissistic abuse, red flags of a narcissist, red flags of an abusive person, red flags you are dating an abuser

Red Flags You are Dating an Abuser

Here is a list of red flags that may help you to see early on that you are with an abusive personality. If you are seeing a few of these characteristics then you need to assert some boundaries with them and see how they react.

If they fight you about having simple personal boundaries then you need to realize that you may be in an abusive relationship. 

Tell them you have to go sleep early one night because you have a lot to do the next day. If they do not accept this, then there is a problem.

No one should give you guilt or shame you that you are not good to them, when you are doing simple basic things to take care of yourself.

It is not normal for someone to threaten to leave you or call you a bad girlfriend if you want to do things for yourself like take a class, do an extra assignment for school or work, or spend time with family or friends.

You should never feel manipulated by guilt, shame or fear. People that love you do not inflict fear or threats in order to get you to comply.

Here is a list that I have come up with from research and also from personal experience. There may be things that need to be added. Feel free to leave any ideas in the comments.

Keep in mind that narcissists are on their best behavior at the very beginning of the relationship, called the idealization phase.

Many of these red flags will not come up until the “honeymoon phase” is over in a couple of months. The best ones to look for early on are the ones that I put near to the top of this list.

Love Bombing and Pushing to be in a Serious Relationship Right Away

Constant texting, calling, stopping over (calls you the second you get out from work or during work/ calls you while you are trying to get ready for work/ calls you first thing on your day off and wants to be on the phone, texting, or see you all day on every day off you have / calls while you are out with friends and you told them you would be busy with friends/  texts you when you said you would be at the gym….never ending constant contact)

Angry or very upset when you do not respond to texts and voicemails right away

Never taking responsibility for their action – things are always someone else’s fault

Chameleon-like changeable personality – a different personality for different people and situations

They are always right and never make a mistake

They hate to be told they could have done something better or differently

Jealousy and Ownership of You

Isolating you from family and friends (discouraging you from spending time with them/  getting angry when you do/ saying that those people are interfering somehow in your relationship/ telling you that relatives that you have known for years are out to get you and you did not realize it)

Need to control your schedule

Never apologizes or does so in a sarcastic,  fake way ( my ex never apologized but when I brought up something that was bothering me he would say “I am always apologizing to you.”…

I would say “you are?” and then he would say “Yes and I am not doing it anymore. I am tired of you making me apologize to me.”  …

And the funny thing was I was not looking for an apology.  He jumped to that conclusion on his own.  I just wanted to work on our communication.)

Need to know where you are at all times

Telling you what to wear and how to look

Control of the money ( you need to check with them before you spend your own money/  they question how you spend your money/ shame you or make you feel guilty over spending your money on yourself)

Criticism and disrespect  of women (this may not be directed at you at first  since they put on their mask and are on their best behavior during the idealization phase – observe how they treat other women who they have nothing to gain from)

Making you account for your whereabouts

Making you ask permission or clear your activities with them

Name calling and demeaning

Complaining that the women at work do not treat him with respect

Excessive monitoring and making you check in all the time

Extreme sense of entitlement

Unrealistic, and unreasonable  demands

Lack of sympathy and empathy

Not interested in anyone else’s side of things

Accusing you of cheating when you are not

Blaming you for things that do not go his way

Excessive need for control in the house

Manipulating your friends and family to take their side in arguments

Getting angry if you have a different opinion than they do

Making you feel stupid and less intelligent than they are

Being disrespectful to you in front of your family and friends

domestic abuse, emotional abuse, gaslighting, life, mental abuse, mental health, narcissism, narcissistic abuse syndrome, narcissistic victim abuse syndrome, PTSD from mental abuse, triangulating

Realizing the Many Ways the Narcissist Intentionally Interfered with Your Reality

Mental abuse can be endured for years before you realize that it is abuse at all The first dawning realization that their  behaviors are intentional is traumatizing.

After the initial realization that the abuser has been intentionally interfering with our sense of reality and feeding all kind of lies, it is followed by a series of many other light bulbs going off in our heads.

There were so many times that they denied things that we thought might be happening and we believed them. There were so many times when odd things seemed to occur or things that did not make sense and we just ignored them or the narcissist reframed them in such a way that we just took their word for it.

The process of going back over these incidents, with the new found knowledge that we have gained from educating ourselves about narcissistic tactics, can be retraumatizing. Each and every scenario that we now see the truth of, is heartbreaking or angering.

Many of us have gone through this process. This video is to validate you if you are in the midst of this or if you went through it years ago. Sometimes even years later we come to some realization about something that occurred that we believed the abuser about, but the reality of what happened was completely different than the narcissist told us it was.

If you have recently been discarded by a narcissist then this video will give you a heads up about what is going to happen in the next several weeks to you. Be prepared for the memories to come back to you and to see events that you believed to be one way, to have been malicious lies by the narcissist, and even manufactured situations in order to torment you.

The narcissist keeps you in the dark about their other life and about other relationships which they are involved in. They manufacture situations called triangulating just to cause you to feel jealous, threatened, and to lower your self esteem. The lower your self esteem is, the easier they can control you.

As you process what happened to you , it will be shocking and disturbing how many times and how many people they used to manipulate your sense of reality. In many cases, especially with covert narcissists , they intentionally and skillfully put suggestions into your head that you have mental illness.

If you already have some mental disorder, they will play on that and make it the cause of your “not remembering things” properly. They will say it is because of your mental illness that you are paranoid about their activities. They will tell you that your memory is bad and that your memory of things they said, and things they did is not correct.