Abuse causes PTSD in the victims. If you are having symptoms of depression, anxiety, trouble remembering things, flashbacks, and trouble getting on track with life after an abusive relationship, then you probably have PTSD or C-PTSD.
Years , or even months of abuse will cause physiological changes in the brain. For videos about PTSD from abuse, and C-PTSD see my YouTube channel HERE.
It takes practice and patience to learn to hear your own intuition and inner voice, after you have been conditioned over time to ignore your own true perceptions.
You have a wisdom inside of you that is compassionate and intelligent. You can choose to perceive yourself and the world around you in a whole new way !
The narcissist tried to silence your voice, minimize it, confuse it and discredit it. But you still have an inner voice inside of you…. that can lead you in ways that will support your mental and emotional health.
Feel your senses and what they are telling you.
Every sensation is part of your guidance system. If something feels wrong, it probably is.
You can Learn How to Over-ride the Untrue Perceptions
Learn to trust your intuition and to hear your own guiding voice. There are other voices in your head, but you can learn to tell which one is your own. Programming put into your brain during childhood emotional and mental abuse will cause the negative “tapes” that play inside your head.
Negative tapes playing in your head, are just left over voices with false information from other people.
Things you hear yourself thinking that are negative about yourself, are like computer viruses that were put into your brain, without your consent!
When you are very young, you depend on your parents and caretaker to interpret the world for you. You turn to them to explain the meaning of things that happen.
Children need to know they have innate value, that is detached from mistakes they make or things they do. You have innate value. The things you do or do not do, do not change your true worth as a person.
Once you know that you have worth, then you will be able to do and try things you could never have imagined you could do !
Self soothing is an important skill that people who grew up in emotionally abusive households, never were taught. You were not taught to sooth yourself, but rather you were taught to berate yourself and shame yourself.
Children and teenagers need guidance to learn how to sooth themselves, when something bad happens. If you have C-PTSD from mental abuse as a child, then your feelings about bad things that happened to you were minimized, criticized and called selfish.
Learning what selfish is Not
You need to learn that it is not selfish to set boundaries, and to protect your emotional and mental health. You have every right to take care of your own brain and your own heart.
If you grew up in an abusive environment, then you were told it was selfish when you tried to express your feelings about the things that were happening around you. The controlling parent wanted everything to revolve around them. They never considered your feelings about decisions they made, or their behaviors.
You probably developed “emotophobia” from being shut down every time you expressed your feelings about ad things that happened. Even expressing good feelings like joy, and self esteem were crushed down, and called selfish.
The Shaming Voice
Shaming is one of the worst of the “viruses” that was programmed into you. No one self shames naturally. Babies do not come into the world feeling shame.
Parents that are manipulative, narcissistic, and mentally abusive, shame you for things that you should not have had to feel bad about. Now as an adult, you still hear those voices in your head anytime you make a mistake, or even do anything that elicits a negative reaction from other people.
What Thoughts are Your Own?
Thoughts that you are a bad person, that you are inadequate, and that you will fail when you try to do something….these were programmed into you over years of negative reactions to you by your caretakers and people you trusted to love you.
Other people may have added to your negative perceptions about yourself. Teachers, bullies that were your peers, abusive babysitters and other people that you were exposed to as a child, may have added their own toxic spice to your view of yourself.
When you feel passionate about doing something that you feel called to do…
When you feel confident about something you want to give to the world…
When you know just for a second that you have something special to offer to the world, because only you have the unique gifts that you were born with….
When you feel called to help someone else, or other people in some way, by using your own ideas, knowledge, love, and other gifts…
These things are your own voice and you can tell because these thoughts support you.
When that thought comes in that tells you that …
you are not good enough
you are inadequate
there is something wrong with you
you do not deserve to be happy
you have nothing special to offer
you will just screw it up so why bother trying…
These are the NOT your own thoughts and you can tell because they do not support you.
You have my permission….to give yourself permission to….. Let Go of All Thoughts and Behaviors that No Longer Support You.
Just because someone told you that these negative perceptions about yourself were true, does not make them true!
Living in an abusive, chaotic traumatic childhood left emotional wounds on your heart. These wounds are carried around by you.
They are fed by the negative thoughts that someone once told you were true. Thoughts that you are not good enough. Thoughts that the world around you cannot be trusted and that you should shut yourself down and never try to bloom into the beautiful flower that you really are.
Abusive Partners Re-open Old Emotional Wounds
Old emotional wounds were reinforced by any abusive partners you ended up with as an adult.
Abusive partners are highly skilled at identifying and re-opening old emotional wounds. Narcissist and psychopaths target people who are carrying emotional wounds from childhood. They can identify you from other people.
Abusers know how to gain your trust , so that you will reveal all of your weaknesses and wounds to them. Then they will turn the table and throw salt in your wounds, in order to control you.
Your reptilian (primal) brain always tries to keep you away from danger. The abuser know how to activate that fight or flight mode in your brain, and make you feel in danger.
The reopening of emotional wounds is so painful, that it is one of the favorite tools of the narcissist to use against you.
They will make it clear to you that they will injure you in the worst possible ways, if you do not comply with them. They will use your old wounds against you, by threatening to, and by throwing salt into them.
You will want to avoid this pain by any means possible, and then you will comply with them in order not to have to be re-traumatized by someone recreating your past trauma for you.
You Can Self Generate Feelings of Self Worth
Once you realize that the negative programs in your brain, are not true, then you can begin to re-write these programs in ways that best support you. You never learned to self generate feelings of self worth, but you can learn now.
If you want to find out more…please visit my web site gentlekindnesscoaching.com and add your name to the email list. ……Also you can follow me on my gentlekindnesscoaching facebook page !
It is bad enough that the scapegoat in the family has to suffer such abuse. In addition to that, no one in the family acknowledges that there is anything wrong with the way the scapegoat is treated.
The scapegoat can be abused by the narcissist right in front of other family members and no one seems to see it. They all share the reality created by the narcissistic parent.
In cases of a narcissistic ex husband, the mother of the children can be put into the scapegoat role by the father. He gets fills the children with his lies about the mother and causes them to join in his shared psychosis that their mother is the abusive spouse, rather than him.
This can also occur in reverse, where the narcissistic wife makes the father of her children the scapegoat. She lies about him and makes them see her treatment of him to be self defense.
Much of the abuse occurs when others are not watching. When an abusive conversation is restarted by the narcissist, in front of people, the scapegoat naturally reacts to try to defend themselves. But without the entire first part of the abusive interaction, the scapegoat appears to be overreacting and mentally unbalanced.
The narcissist just plays the victim and claims to be doing their best to deal with the disturbed, seemingly inappropriate behavior of their victim.
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I am so tired
My brain is in shock
I can no longer arrange
The thoughts in my mind
My head aches from trying
And thinking so hard
To straighten the pieces
Back into their function
The pieces that are sharp
The pieces that are scalding
The edges that cut like blades
The fragments that shatter bones
My mind is shattered
My body is poisoned
Almost into seizure
My thoughts – explosions
Of anger and pain
My feelings – shock waves
From shaming and blame
Sensations of fire
Sensations of death
Sensations of freezing
Delusions of rest
You’ve stolen my truth
For your own empowerment
You bloodied my faith
To prove your sick point
You forced me to hate you
You forced me to lie
You opened strange poisons
And forced me to try
Your mind is so twisted
With anger and hate
You’ve made me the same
In part of my brain
You felt so compelled
To damage and crush me
Contempt is your mistress
She slept in my bed