November 15th will be my 8 month anniversary of NO CONTACT with my abusive partner. I still have narcissists in my family that I want to break contact with but I am stuck in the situation for the time being. Let us hope that I can get on my feet and be able to take control back of my life to the fullest extent.
I frequently check my statistics page and it tells me what search terms landed people on my blog. I was sad and concerned to see that one of the search terms was “How to get a Narcissist Back”
If you are considering getting your narcissist back or you know someone who is… please note the following truths. It is very hard to know the truth. In fact coming to terms with the truth is one of the hardest parts of overcoming narcissistic abuse.
Going No Contact is hard for all of us. Many of us have been through it and others are still suffering with the chemical addiction and the nightmares from narcissistic abuse.
There are factors that contribute to the difficulty of a break up with a narcissist that are above and beyond normal break-up suffering. There are chemical reactions and reactive behavior to the sympathetic nervous system that make going NO Contact torturous.
You will feel lonely and you will go through tremendous emotional pain. This is all in addition to mental pain and confusion that comes from having your reality manipulated. There can be a brain fog and even feelings of depersonalization and derealization.
You may feel lost and that you can not find a way to go on without them. You will remember the “nice” things they did for you and your memories will trick you into thinking this was real.
Here is a list of reasons why you should hang on and hold your No Contact position. Have faith that the addiction will calm down with time. I know the feelings are like going through a drug withdrawal and it seems like it will go on forever. But it doesn’t.
Here is the list I came up with. If anyone has additions that I have not thought of, please leave them in the comments section here.
- Any “nice” things the narcissist did for you was to manipulate you.
- They did not love you.
- They lied……all the time.
- If they were showing any signs of violence, the violence will only get worse if you go back with them because they will respect you even less and feel all powerful over you because they were allowed to abuse you and you still took them back.
- If they never showed any signs of violence they might this time. Abuse always escalates when you are on a second round with them.
- They do not deserve a second chance. You gave them many second chances while you were in the relationship with them.
- They were grooming their next target while you were with them and you did not know it.
- They had already decided when they were leaving you while they were still saying “I love you”
- If you have kids, they are in danger of psychological and possibly physical damage if you go back to the narcissist
- They will put you through the idealization phase all over again. You will fall for them harder and believe that they have changed. Then they will hit you harder than ever with the devaluation phase and the abuse.
- Narcissists tend to live a double life. It is likely that they will stay with their current victim and not tell you they are still with them.
- Your financial situation will be in danger. You could lose everything you own.
- Your reputation will be danger. They will launch a major smear campaign against you and you won’t know about it until it is too late.
- They will either deny you sex and make you feel cheep for wanting it or they will use you like a sex toy that is something they bought in the Adam and Eve catalogue
- You are not a person to the narcissist. You are just a prop, a tool and something for them to use and abuse
- You can have a better life without them and every time you take them back it will be more difficult to recover your life back
- There are people that are real and honest that would be good to you in a relationship
- You matter and your purpose in the world matters. Your skills and gifts are being wasted on the narcissist
- They are not helpless but they lie to get you to do everything for them any neglect your life.
- You will become less and less secure about who you are as a person . Your entire identity is at stake.
- They might be a psychopath and are far more dangerous than you know
- They are likely to have alternate identities that you know nothing about
- You could end up in court with them accusing you of abuse and you will be in such a bad mental state that the system is likely to prosecute you and side with the abuser
- You could become sick or disabled from abuse or other reasons and you would be at the mercy of the abuser to care for you
- You will be isolated from the people who love you and could help you
- You could become pregnant and your child would have an abusive father / You could get her pregnant and your child would have an abusive mother…and she would probably win the children in court
- You job , career and any future dreams will be in danger if being interfered with by the narcissist
- Your friends and family members will be in danger of abuse from the narcissist
Now we have 28…let’s see if you guys can add at least 2 more to the list. We need to warn people not to go back if they are searching this term. I intentionally used this search term in the title to this post so that it will come up when they search this.