image by Steven Aitchison
I saw this today and I thought it was really great. We need to let go of the things and the people that are bringing us down…keeping us from blossoming and reaching for our dreams. You can surround yourself with people who support you and do not ask you to change to suit them.
Your dreams matter and you have been through enough pain. It is time to listen to that inner voice that is telling you what is best for you. Emotional pain is telling us not to go in certain directions…and to get away from certain people.
Listen to your pain…and listen to your passion. No one has a right to crush your dreams. If you feel lead to do something, you should do it.
Love and Peace,
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Many cases of narcissistic abuse end up in the financial devastation of the victim. But long before the end of the relationship, the victim is living fat below what is humane and normal.
Because the narcissist does not see you as an individual human being with rights and boundaries, your living conditions are of no concern to them.
Basic needs for healthcare, spending cash, healthy environment, and safe living environment are often refused by the narcissist. The victim lives behind closed doors is despicable, inhumane conditions, that they are too embarrassed and ashamed to speak of outside of the home.
Even after the relationship has ended, and the victim begins to interact with other victims, this is a dark secret that is kept hidden. There is extreme shame about having to live in sub-human conditions and it is even hard to explain.
Since the victim is so used to being doubted and gaslighted, this secret is never talked about for fear of re-traumatization. The victim just cannot take any more minimization or disbelief of their reality.
They also cannot tolerate any more shaming than they have already endured from the narcissist, and from others who disbelieved any parts of their truth.
This post is just to let you know that other victims have also lived in sub-human conditions at the hands of a narcissist. It may be one of the most powerful ways the narcissist controls you.
When you are suffering just to exist, there is no energy for anything else. Your self esteem is completely crushed and you fear letting anyone into your home to see how you live.
This has the effect of completely isolating you from potential helpers, friends and anyone who might try to bring any light of truth into the dark reality tunnel the narcissist makes you exist in.
Domestic abuse shatters your self esteem because you are treated in such an inhumam way. No…worse than that…you are treated worse than an animal.
Domestic violence and mental / emotional abuse take away your dignity and leave you feeling heavily weighted with shame. It is hard for people who have not been through abuse to understand the shame, and it is hard to explain to them.
The events which occur behind closed doors, in an abusive house, are dofficult to tell people about. If you try to tell them and they do not believe you, this can be very painful and re-traumatizing.
Because you cannot tolerate any more pain, you will likely give up after being re-traumatized a few times by people you thought would believe you.
Some of the events are harr for people to believe, particularly if they knew your abuser, and the abuser treated them completely differently than they treated you. Not only that, the abuser also treated you differently in front of other people, than they did when you were alone with them.
You will be accused of lying, mis-contruing events, having a bad memory, misunderstanding the abuser’s intentions and of being mentally unbalanced. People do not believe that you interpret, perceive or remember events and situations accurately.
The reason this is particularly painful, is that the abuser also accused you of the very same things, many times. They said they did not really “bump” into you that hard, you bruise easily, and that they have been very patient with your over-sensitivity.
They told you that you have a tendency to forget things, to mis-interpret things and even to be abusive to them and not think you were being abusive.
Your reality was has been so twisted around that it took a great effort to regain your faith in your own perception of reality. Even now, you may have the habit of questioning what you see and heat. But your gut tells you when something is wrong about how someone is treating you.
Sometimes the pain of being re-traumatized, minimized, disbelieved, and humiliated all over again can make you self-isolate. You may have cut off contact with people, or you just do not talk to people about anything personal.
There is a natural human need to connect with others. Feeling alone and isolated can extend the abuse. If you are still living with abuse, then you may be very isolated from other people.
Sometimes hearing your very own story, from someone else who is telling their story, can be surprising, because you feel like you are the only one. The abuser quite intentionally caused you to feel that you were very different from other people.
They intentionally isolated you, for a few reasons. They did not want you to have outside support or objective opinions. They wanted to be able to have full access to your brain, allowing keys to no one.
As you are beginning to read about the patterns, methods, and intentional techniques of the abuser, you will be surprised how they are all the same. That being said….these methods are extremely effective and soul raping.
The feeling of isolation, both during and after abuse can cause extreme depression and it can cause anxiety disorders. You can feel mentally and emotionally isolated in a room full of people.
As you continue on your journey towards healing, you will find your authentic self. You will slowly grow more balanced over time and be able to re-build your self confidence.
You are special and unique. The abuser targeted you because you were compassionate and understanding. These qualities are still a part of you and they make you an important and special person.
Narcissistic abuse is painful. You can experience such grief in the midst of being emotionally abused that you feel hopeless.
Depression and anxiety can overcome your heart, your mind and your soul. Healing from this extreme level of multi-layered pain takes time.
You are not alone. Living in sn abusive environment is like living in hell. Your reality can become twisted all around by the abuser, who does this intentionally. They get some sadistic pleasure from confusing you and stripping away your identity.
All kinds of symptoms can arise, even months after you are out of the abuse. The psychopath or narcissist wants you to still think about them after they are gone. It feeds their addiction to attention and grandiosity.
You feel small and insignificant…and like you are living under a heavy weight that you can hardly move underneath of.
You can heal and regain your sense of self. Keep having faith in yourself and imagine the things you want out of life.
You were conditioned…probably from childhood…that what you want does not matter. But why do someone else’s dreams matter more than yours do?
Don’t give up. It gets darker before it gets lighter. There are moments of crushing darkness but the light is still out there waiting for you.
There are other victims who care and can help to lead you out. Talking to people who have not been through narcissistic abuse can retraumatize you. Try to find people who have been there and have gone through the darkness into the light.
Let tbe veil of illusion come down and let the light come in to heal your broken heart and wounded soul.