domestic abuse, emotional abuse, life, mental abuse, Narcissist psychopath, narcissistic abuse, Narcissists, narcopath, Psychopath, psychopathic abuse

PTSD Caused by Neglect and Abuse by a Partner

All people have needs to survive. We need to have proper shelter, food and health care. People need to feel safe and that their needs will be met.

Maslow developed the hierarchy of needs theory in 1943. He stated that people have needs that must be met before other ones. The basic needs for shelter and safety must be met for all people.

There is no room for fun, learning, socializing or self-actualizing without the basic needs being met first.

The person fails to thrive. All the things other people do are just not the priority. The safety is the priority and dominates the person’s thoughts and emotions.

When someone is in a living situation where these needs are not met, they are left feeling vulnerable and afraid. The situation is unsafe and potentially life threatening.

There are different types of domestic abuse. All of them involve the person being stripped of their self-esteem and being denied basic needs that every human has.

There are men and women who experience violence against them in their own home. There are episodes of violence and there is a constant threat of violence.

This threat forces the brain to be on alert and suspicious all the time.

The brain is not designed to be in this state for a prolonged periods of time and damage can occur to the way the brain assesses the possibility and level of potential threats for years to come.

There are domestic abuse situations which involve financial abuse. People are controlled financially and cannot take care of their own needs.

I lived in an abuse situation years ago in which I had to go without heat for most of a very cold winter.

My money was controlled and I was not “allowed” to purchase heating oil. I still fear the cold and feel very unsafe and can go into a state of post traumatic stress when I fear that I will be forced to be cold. Even the oncoming winter is frightening to me.

When a person is not taken care of and not permitted to take care of themselves, it causes a trauma.

It is terrifying to feel that you are in danger of freezing, going hungry, going without medical care and any other basic needs. When someone denies you basic human needs it is frightening and creates a horrible feeling of vulnerability.

Living in these types of abusing situations also causes severe damage to a person’s self-esteem. They may doubt their own ability to provide for their own basic needs for years after the original trauma.

The feeling of being vulnerable and in danger is carried in the brain and in the nervous system.

Any situation which is a reminder of the original traumatic abusive situation can trigger a post traumatic stress attack. The person will collapse under the weight of the fear and not be able to function normally.

In addition to traumatic attacks (like severe panic attacks), the person can have a constant feeling of being unsafe. They feel that any minute something could happen to put them in a place of fear and danger.

Most people have never been in a dangerous situation of violence of of being in danger of starving or freezing to death. They have never been in a situation where someone threatened to cause them to lose their job unless they were compliant.

We have lived through an on-going situation of terror and physical and mental abuse. Being forced to go without basic needs is mentally abusive as well as physically abusive.

It is also emotionally abusive. We need to be loved.

How could the person we trusted and loved, allow us to suffer like that? They made us feel that we were at fault or that we did not deserve to be taken care of. We did not deserve to be able to take care of ourselves.

It is difficult for people to understand the post traumatic stress that can result from living in a domestic abuse situation. It can take years to feel safe again or the person may never feel truly safeIt is hard to trust people again.

A person who survived domestic abuse trusted someone who violated them in the worst possible way. They treated them like they were not human. It is very hard to truly trust anyone again after that happens to you.

It is hard to trust situations.

I trusted that I would have food and heat once. Now I never really feel confident that my current situation will be able to be sustained.

I am often anxious on my way home about  whether or not the house will still have heat in the winter. The fear does not subside until I enter the door and feel that the heat is working.

It is a terrible thing to live with post traumatic stress disorder. It is sad that so many people do not understand how we feel. 

We have lived through situations where there was a very real threat. In our minds, what is to keep it from happening again. Our good judgement?

Clearly our judgement let us down already. How can we trust ourselves?

My hope is for awareness that will generate some understanding. I also pray that all of the many people suffering PTSD from domestic abuse are able to one day find peace and a feeling of safety.

Namaste,
Annie

aftermath of abuse, emotional abuse, life, mental abuse, narcissism, narcissistic abuse, Narcissists, Psychopath, psychopathic abuse

Victims of Abuse …You did Not Choose to be Abused!

abuse red flags, domestic abuse, domestic violence, life, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic abuse syndrome

Are Vampires Real? Do Abusive People Intentionally Destroy You?

Are vampires real?

Are creatures that live and thrive from sucking out the life force of other people actually living next to us in the world? 

Have any of us ever been physically intimate with a monster? Has anyone ever had their soul violated and their identity taken by a predator?

I believe that the monsters of the fairy tales are real. The creatures in the Brothers Grimm Fairy Tales are right out of real life. They are not supernatural. They are flesh and blood with insidious intent.

The reality that we want to live in is one where people are all basically concerned for each other. The reality that we want to live in is one where people want to be fair and no one will willingly take more from another person than they give. 

We once used to believe that if we were kind and compassionate to another person, that they would have some feeling of wanting to be fair with us. Some of us even believed that because we had the capability to be so forgiving and tolerant of others, that people would value us and think we were special.

We have had partners that were verbally cruel to us, and we forgave them when they said they were sorry. We believed them when they gave us excuses. Even worse…we let them convince us that we were actually abusive and hurtful to them.

How could a person knowingly and systematically lie and deceive us about ourselves?  Are there really people that would lie to us about how smart we are, how pretty we are, and how kind we are, in order to destroy our confidence?

If you are still reading this article then you have probably seen evil look you in the eyes. You have probably been  “emotionally raped”  by a partner that you loved, cared for, forgave, were patient with and kind with.

What is “emotional rape?” If that phrase is triggering emotions of horror in you, then you already know what I mean by emotional rape. 

What is physical rape?  Rape is when another person takes your body, without your consent and does what they want to do with it.  Even if you did not say “no” with your mouth,  you still could have been raped.

When a person is drunk or drugged and another person has sex with them, then this is rape. The reason that this is rape goes back to the definition of rape. Rape is when another person has sex with your body, when you did not consent to it.

What does consent mean and what constitutes consent?

Consenting to something involves you being clear minded, and that you understand what it is that you are agreeing to. If you are drugged by another person, then they can rape you because you are not in a clear thinking mind, to consent.

If someone lies to you about what they intend to do during sex, it can become rape when they overpower you during sex and force you to do things that you are refusing to do. When they overpower your body or your mind in order to force you yo do things that you do not want to do, they are raping you.

What is “emotional rape?”

Emotional rape is when someone takes your love, your good nature and your feelings for them and then proceeds to lie to you and destroy your identity. Emotional rape is brainwashing someone into falling in love, based on acting like they are a completely different person that they actually are.

The real life monsters pretend to be someone they are not.

They pretend that you are in a relationship with them, which really  does not exist. Emotional rapists suck out the inner most thoughts and feelings that you have and then use this information against you.

These real live monsters manipulate you into thinking that they are protecting you. They make you see enemies that are not really there. They make you believe you are weak and helpless without them. 

These real life monsters lure you in with deceit and malicious intention, planning to destroy you in the end.

They brainwash you into thinking that they are you soul mate and that if you trust them everything will be okay.

They brainwash you into believing that everything they say to you is true and that they are on your side.

Little by little they destroy your confidence and your self esteem.

They intentionally confuse your brain by changing your perception about yourself. The things that you once believed that you were good at are suddenly being questioned.

The strengths you once had are suddenly weaknesses. Your attempts at kindness and honesty are turned and twisted around, until you doubt your own intentions. You keep trying to do more and more for the monster to please him.

The monster convinces you that his needs are not being met.

The monster makes you feel that you are not trying hard enough to be good to him. This gives him the excuses he needs to act in any way that he sees fit. 

He can verbally assault you and physically hurt you, because you somehow deserve it. He can neglect you but make you wait by the phone for him. If you are not waiting for him 24 hours a day, then you do not really care about him and he might have to find someone else.

But if you need him…he can’t tolerate such demanding and needy behavior from you. You are selfish and consider yourself more that you consider him. Don’t you ever think about anyone but yourself?  

But while he in convincing you that you always think about yourself….he actually has trained you to NEVER think about yourself. 

You are so confused about the reality of what is happening that you do not realize that your entire life is now revolving around him.

For a minute or two you might think…oh, well I do give him a lot of my time but…

He really needs me…

He does not realize that I give him more time that he gives me…

He does not realize that I am neglecting my own needs for him…

He does not realize that I need things too…

He is just going through a hard time right now and I have to weather it out…

But the TRUTH is being kept from you !

The truth is that he does know. He knows that he is taking all of your time. He knows that this is hurting you. He knows that he is never there for you. He knows that you are lonely. 

He knows that you are confused about what he believes. He knows that you are getting weaker and that your self confidence and self esteem are being crushed down.

The vampires do this on purpose. They confuse you on purpose, by lying to you. They lie to you about how kind and good you are. They tell you that you are the monster that is taking advantage of them. The know and they lie.

It is in the lying that they keep their position of dominance. It is their lying that enables them to confuse your reality and manipulate you. They take things from you that you do not knowingly or willingly give over to a monster.

If you knew they were lying to you about your relationship, then you would not give them the things they are taking.

If you knew that they were already stalking out the next victim, while they were making future plans with you, then you would not keep doing everything they asked you to do. You would not keep bearing your intimate soul to them.

You bear your soul and your dreams to the monster. Then he takes all of it from you.

You share your intelligence., your wisdom, your kindness and compassion with the monster because you do not see that they are a monster. Then they lie and confuse you until you no longer think you are wise, intelligent or kind. You feel like the monster sees you as selfish and beneath them.

The monster always lies.

They know that you are intelligent and kind. They are fully aware that you are patient and tolerant of them. They do not appreciate it. They want to destroy you because of it.

They want to destroy you because you are good, well intentioned and caring. These are things that they will never be.

They tell you that they have all of these qualities that you have, but they know that they do not. They project their evil, selfish qualities onto you, but they know that it is them.

There are real vampires and they suck your soul,

Their actions are intentional and malicious. Stay away from them. Get away from them. Do not trust them and never think for a minute that they will ever change.

They have contempt for you because you are good.

Monsters want to destroy things that are good and suck the happiness out of people who are happy. They always win the game, unless you do not play.