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Living Conditions of Narcissistic Abuse Victims

Many cases of narcissistic abuse end up in the financial devastation of the victim. But long before the end of the relationship, the victim is living fat below what is humane and normal.

Because the narcissist does not see you as an individual human being with rights and boundaries, your living conditions are of no concern to them.

Basic needs for healthcare, spending cash, healthy environment, and safe living environment are often refused by the narcissist. The victim lives behind closed doors is despicable, inhumane conditions, that they are too embarrassed and ashamed to speak of outside of the home.

Even after the relationship has ended, and the victim begins to interact with other victims, this is a dark secret that is kept hidden. There is extreme shame about having to live in sub-human conditions and it is even hard to explain.

Since the victim is so used to being doubted and gaslighted, this secret is never talked about for fear of re-traumatization. The victim just cannot take any more minimization or disbelief of their reality.

They also cannot tolerate any more shaming than they have already endured from the narcissist, and from others who disbelieved any parts of their truth.

This post is just to let you know that other victims have also lived in sub-human conditions at the hands of a narcissist. It may be one of the most powerful ways the narcissist controls you.

When you are suffering just to exist, there is no energy for anything else. Your self esteem is completely crushed and you fear letting anyone into your home to see how you live.

This has the effect of completely isolating you from potential helpers, friends and anyone who might try to bring any light of truth into the dark reality tunnel the narcissist makes you exist in.

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Mobbing and Scapegoating

One of the worst brainwashing suggestions that scapegoats receive is that they are not loved…not even liked. Not only does the family treat you like a defective appliance, they also lead you to believe that no one could ever love you.

They have techniques and mothodology to program your brain into believing you are unlovable and unlikable. None of it is true, but if you have experienced hardcore mobbing and scapegoating, you know how it feels to wonder why no one loves you.

The narcissist and their followers will systematically break you down. They make you doubt your identity and the person you want to see yourself as. They violate your perception of yourself, and make you feel like you deserve to be left out…not just by them….but by everyone.

This isolation can be devastating.

Please know that the narcissists methods are cruel and unusual punishment, which you do not deserve. They targeted you for mobbing because they needed everyone to share their narrative of reality. The narcissist needed someone to blame for all the chaos and damage they caused.

They intentionally isolate you from having friends and other family who love you. They drove away anyone who might mirror your true self back to you. Instead, they lied and told you that you are defective.

This abuse is so painful that is can lead to chronic anxiety and depression. In fact nearly everyone I have ever met with bipolar disorder was exposed to some kind of abuse by a narcissistic, abusive family member.

As the scapegoat, you were the one everyone pointed their fingers at to blame for everything. When you tried to stand up to the abuse, they found a twisted way to make you think that it was your fault. That there was something about you that made them have to treat you they way they did.

If you are an adult now, and ended up with an abuser, or in a family of abusive in-laws, they are just continuing the same dark patterns that all abusers engage it.

Even when you begin to see abuse as abuse, and learn about narcissism, the self doubt still exists. It can be like a pervasive darkness.

Reach out to others who will validate your truth. Find people who can accept and love you for the person you really are. Get away from that twisted picture that your abusers hung on their wall and pointed to as you.

Abuse is abuse. You never did, nor do you now, deserve to be manipulated, mobbed or scapegoated.

You are a special, unique soul with compassion, and special gifts to share with others who deserve your time and your love.

Blessings,

Annie

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Domestic Abuse Re-traumatization and Isolation

Domestic abuse shatters your self esteem because you are treated in such an inhumam way. No…worse than that…you are treated worse than an animal.

Domestic violence and mental / emotional abuse take away your dignity and leave you feeling heavily weighted with shame. It is hard for people who have not been through abuse to understand the shame, and it is hard to explain to them.

The events which occur behind closed doors, in an abusive house, are dofficult to tell people about. If you try to tell them and they do not believe you, this can be very painful and re-traumatizing.

Because you cannot tolerate any more pain, you will likely give up after being re-traumatized a few times by people you thought would believe you.

Some of the events are harr for people to believe, particularly if they knew your abuser, and the abuser treated them completely differently than they treated you. Not only that, the abuser also treated you differently in front of other people, than they did when you were alone with them.

You will be accused of lying, mis-contruing events, having a bad memory, misunderstanding the abuser’s intentions and of being mentally unbalanced. People do not believe that you interpret, perceive or remember events and situations accurately.

The reason this is particularly painful, is that the abuser also accused you of the very same things, many times. They said they did not really “bump” into you that hard, you bruise easily, and that they have been very patient with your over-sensitivity.

They told you that you have a tendency to forget things, to mis-interpret things and even to be abusive to them and not think you were being abusive.

Your reality was has been so twisted around that it took a great effort to regain your faith in your own perception of reality. Even now, you may have the habit of questioning what you see and heat. But your gut tells you when something is wrong about how someone is treating you.

Sometimes the pain of being re-traumatized, minimized, disbelieved, and humiliated all over again can make you self-isolate. You may have cut off contact with people, or you just do not talk to people about anything personal.

There is a natural human need to connect with others. Feeling alone and isolated can extend the abuse. If you are still living with abuse, then you may be very isolated from other people.

Sometimes hearing your very own story, from someone else who is telling their story, can be surprising, because you feel like you are the only one. The abuser quite intentionally caused you to feel that you were very different from other people.

They intentionally isolated you, for a few reasons. They did not want you to have outside support or objective opinions. They wanted to be able to have full access to your brain, allowing keys to no one.

As you are beginning to read about the patterns, methods, and intentional techniques of the abuser, you will be surprised how they are all the same. That being said….these methods are extremely effective and soul raping.

The feeling of isolation, both during and after abuse can cause extreme depression and it can cause anxiety disorders. You can feel mentally and emotionally isolated in a room full of people.

As you continue on your journey towards healing, you will find your authentic self. You will slowly grow more balanced over time and be able to re-build your self confidence.

You are special and unique. The abuser targeted you because you were compassionate and understanding. These qualities are still a part of you and they make you an important and special person.