abuse, abuse red flags, abusive relationships, domestic abuse, emotional abuse, narcissistic abuse, Narcissists, Uncategorized

Red Flags You are in an Abusive Relationship

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There are  red flags that may help you to identify early on that you are with an abusive personality. If you are seeing a few of these characteristics then you need to assert some boundaries with them and see how they react.

If they fight you about having simple personal boundaries then you need to realize that you may be in an abusive relationship. 

Tell them you have to go sleep early one night because you have a lot to do the next day. If they do not accept this, then there is a problem.

No one should give you guilt or shame you that you are not good to them, when you are doing simple basic things to take care of yourself.

It is not normal for someone to threaten to leave you or call you a bad girlfriend if you want to do things for yourself like take a class, do an extra assignment for school or work, or spend time with family or friends.

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You should never feel manipulated by guilt, shame or fear. People that love you do not inflict fear or threats in order to get you to comply.

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Here is a list that I have come up with from research and also from personal experience. There may be things that need to be added. Feel free to leave any ideas in the comments.

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Keep in mind that narcissists are on their best behavior at the very beginning of the relationship, called the idealization phase.

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Many of these red flags will not come up until the “honeymoon phase” is over in a couple of months. The best ones to look for early on are the ones that I put near to the top of this list.

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Love Bombing and Pushing to be in a Serious Relationship Right Away.

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Constant texting, calling, stopping over (calls you the second you get out from work or during work/ calls you while you are trying to get ready for work/ calls you first thing on your day off and wants to be on the phone, texting, or see you all day on every day off you have / calls while you are out with friends and you told them you would be busy with friends/  texts you when you said you would be at the gym….never ending constant contact)

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Angry or very upset when you do not respond to texts and voice mails right away.

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Never taking responsibility for their action – things are always someone else’s fault.

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Chameleon-like changeable personality – a different personality for different people and situations.

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They are always right and never make a mistake.

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They hate to be told they could have done something better or differently.

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Jealousy and Ownership of You.

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Isolating you from family and friends(discouraging you from spending time with them/  getting angry when you do/ saying that those people are interfering somehow in your relationship/ telling you that relatives that you have known for years are out to get you and you did not realize it).

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Need to control your schedule.

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Never apologizes or does so in a sarcastic,  fake way.

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Need to know where you are at all times.

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Telling you what to wear and how to look.

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Control of the money ( you need to check with them before you spend your own money/  they question how you spend your money/ shame you or make you feel guilty over spending your money on yourself)

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Criticism and disrespect  of women (this may not be directed at you at first  since they put on their mask and are on their best behavior during the idealization phase – observe how they treat other women who they have nothing to gain from)

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Making you account for your whereabouts.

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Making you ask permission or clear your activities with them.

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Name calling and demeaning.

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Complaining that the women at work do not treat him with respect.

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Excessive monitoring and making you check in all the time.

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Extreme sense of entitlement.

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Unrealistic, and unreasonable  demands.

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Lack of sympathy and empathy.

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Not interested in anyone else’s side of things.

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Accusing you of cheating when you are not.

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Blaming you for things that do not go his way.

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Excessive need for control in the house.

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Manipulating your friends and family to take their side in arguments.

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Getting angry if you have a different opinion than they do.

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Making you feel stupid and less intelligent than they are.

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Being disrespectful to you in front of your family and friends

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Visit my gentlekindness facebook page for narcissistic abuse and find out more about healing and overcoming narcissistic abuse

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abuse, abuse red flags, abusive men, abusive relationships, devaluation, domestic violence, emotional abuse, gaslighting, healing after narcissistic abuse, healing from domestic abuse, malignant narcissistic personality disorder, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic abuse syndrome, overcoming narcissistic abuse, Uncategorized

Psychopaths in Society

This is a great interview with Thomas Sheridan about psychopaths in society. He taks about how psychopaths target empaths, because compassionate, empathic people will feel sorry for them, when they tell you that initial sob story. They will tell you a story that they either make up, or exaggerate about how abused they have been , or some trauma in their life. 

Then they will judge your reaction. They know how an empath will react to a story like that, and they evaluate their prey in this way.

They suck the energy and life force of empaths, in addition to manipulating you in order to get things from you. 

He also discusses how psychopaths are parasites. They need to attach to enablers, codependents, and empaths, in order to feed off of your energy. They are sadistic and get pleasure from creating chaos and trauma in your life. 

He also talks about the red flags to identify a psychopath. He talks about word salad and other language techniques. The are charming and mirror the qualities you want and the your core values. They want to jump into a relationship with a partner very fast, so that there is no time for the victim to recognize who they are. 

He explains the way they use different masks, and they do not take any responsibility for things they did when they were using another mask. They never admit guilt for anything they do.

abusive relationships, domestic abuse, emotional abuse, life, mental abuse, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, narcopath, Psychopath, psychopathic abuse, women abuse

Red Flags You Are with an Abusive Person

Here is a list of red flags that may help you to see early on that you are with an abusive personality. If you are seeing a few of these characteristics then you need to assert some boundaries with them and see how they react.

If they fight you about having simple personal boundaries then you need to realize that you may be in an abusive relationship. 

Tell them you have to go sleep early one night because you have a lot to do the next day. If they do not accept this, then there is a problem.

No one should give you guilt or shame you that you are not good to them, when you are doing simple basic things to take care of yourself.

It is not normal for someone to threaten to leave you or call you a bad girlfriend if you want to do things for yourself like take a class, do an extra assignment for school or work, or spend time with family or friends.

You should never feel manipulated by guilt, shame or fear. People that love you do not inflict fear or threats in order to get you to comply.

Here is a list that I have come up with from research and also from personal experience. There may be things that need to be added. Feel free to leave any ideas in the comments.

Keep in mind that narcissists are on their best behavior at the very beginning of the relationship, called the idealization phase.

Many of these red flags will not come up until the “honeymoon phase” is over in a couple of months. The best ones to look for early on are the ones that I put near to the top of this list.

Love Bombing and Pushing to be in a Serious Relationship Right Away

Constant texting, calling, stopping over (calls you the second you get out from work or during work/ calls you while you are trying to get ready for work/ calls you first thing on your day off and wants to be on the phone, texting, or see you all day on every day off you have / calls while you are out with friends and you told them you would be busy with friends/  texts you when you said you would be at the gym….never ending constant contact)

Angry or very upset when you do not respond to texts and voicemails right away

Never taking responsibility for their action – things are always someone else’s fault

Chameleon-like changeable personality – a different personality for different people and situations

They are always right and never make a mistake

They hate to be told they could have done something better or differently

Jealousy and Ownership of You

Isolating you from family and friends (discouraging you from spending time with them/  getting angry when you do/ saying that those people are interfering somehow in your relationship/ telling you that relatives that you have known for years are out to get you and you did not realize it)

They feel the Need to control your schedule

Never apologizes or does so in a sarcastic,  fake way

Need to know where you are at all times

Telling you what to wear and how to look

Control of the money ( you need to check with them before you spend your own money/  they question how you spend your money/ shame you or make you feel guilty over spending your money on yourself)

Criticism and disrespect  of women (this may not be directed at you at first  since they put on their mask and are on their best behavior during the idealization phase – observe how they treat other women who they have nothing to gain from)

Making you account for your whereabouts

Making you ask permission or clear your activities with them

Name calling and demeaning you

Complaining that the women at work do not treat him with respect / also treating employees or people that are performing a service for them (like a waitress, a hotel maid, a taxi driver) with disrespect and contempt

Excessive monitoring and making you check in all the time

Extreme sense of entitlement

Unrealistic, and unreasonable  demands

Lack of sympathy and empathy

Not interested in anyone else’s side of things

Accusing you of cheating when you are not

Blaming you for things that do not go his way

Excessive need for control in the house

Manipulating your friends and family to take their side in arguments

Getting angry if you have a different opinion than they do

Making you feel stupid and less intelligent than they are

Being disrespectful to you in front of your family and friends

abuse red flags, abusive relationships, blame shifting, life, mental abuse, mental health, mental illness, narcissist, Narcissist psychopath, narcissistic abuse, narcopath

Blame Shifting

blame shifting

domestic abuse, emotional abuse, life, mental abuse, mental health, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic victim abuse syndrome

Learn the Red Flags of Narcissistic Abuse

rred flags

abusive relationships, domestic abuse, emotional abuse, mental abuse, mental health, narcissism, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic victim abuse syndrome

How to Trust People Again and How to Know Who to Trust after Narcissistic Abuse

domestic abuse, emotional abuse, life, malignant narcissistic personality disorder, mental abuse, mental health, mental illness, Narcissist psychopath, Psychopath

Narcissistic Anti-social Darkness

There are narcissists that also have anti-social personality. What the extra element is, if you were dealing up close with psychopathy, is that they get an elevation from being sadistic.

Anti-social personality is what the accepted term now is for psychopath. The other term people mix around and interchange with these is sociopath.

Pick your poison, you are dealing with someone who intentionally inflicts pain, be it physical,  emotional or psychological.

The narcissistic psychopath inflicts pain just to see you suffer. They feel powerful when they can make you suffer with no other reason that to do it.

Narcissists inflict pain in order to make you fear feeling that emotional pain, because this makes you more compliant.  If you suffer through their emotional punishments like silent treatment or dissappearing from your radar for days or weeks on end, then you will do anything to avoid those punishments in the future.

Once the narcissist has trained you by inflicting emotional pain on you, then you become more compliant with what they want, or ask you for. You fear disagreeing with them, joking with them or doing anything but wait to find out what they want.

The narcissist trains you with punishment.  Their training is painful.  They threaten abuse, in order to keep you compliant also.

But the narcissist that is co-morbid with psychopathy will cause you mental injury, emotional pain, because they like to.

If your ex seemed to cause pain to you, or if they broke up with you in a way that was cruel and unusual. ..did all they could to make it as painful for you as possible…even though there was no strategic gain for them..it did not get them any additional narcissistic supply….

Then it is possible that you were with someone who was far darker and more dangerous that you thought.

This should be a very good reason for you to stay no contact.  You very well may be underestimating the danger of the person you were with.

If you are with someone that fits these criteria and has these behaviors,  please find a safe way out. Then stay no contact.  It is not worth the risk you are taking to stay.

These people are insidious and live in the dark world in their minds. I do not want you anywhere near them.

Blessings and wishes for your peace of mind and safety,

Annie