Tag Archives: verbal abuse

Why the Narcissist Accuses you of Cheating and Deceipt

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Why does your narcissist accuse you of cheating out of the intention to cheat?

If they do this, and there is no basis for it, then your narcissist is projecting their own intentions onto you. They are either cheating on you, or they know that they would.

Why does your abuser accuse you of being underhanded or “sneaky”?

If you are being accused of being deceptive, or of going behind their backs, and there is no basis for this, then guess What? They are being deceptive with you. Plus they are just deceptive in general.

Are you being spied on by your partner who accuses you of “being up to something”?

Do they constantly think you are doing things behind their back?

Have you been loyal to a fault, and given them no logical reason to see you this way?

They are projecting their own bad qualities on to you. This is their way of making you “pay” for their machinations and insincere behaviors.

It is their way of dumping the accountability for their actions into you. It is a kind of “blame shifting” called “projection.”

Anyone who is not cheating on you, and has no thoughts about cheating on you, has no reason to even think that you would cheat on them. Unless you actually bring the subject of cheating onto the table, there is no reason for someone to assume you would be doing that.

Unless someone has evidence or reasons to think you might be deceitful and plotting against them, there is no normal reason to accuse you of these traits.

If you started the relationship with your partner with good intentions towards them, and they started the relationship with good intentions towards you, then why should they suddenly accuse you of having changed?

These sudden accusations, with no basis in reality, are the narcissist’s way of justifying their own actions and intentions.

They will justify spying on you, and obliterating your personal boundaries, in the name of “protecting themselves” or “keeping you in line.”

All the while, they are redirecting your attention towards defending yourself, instead of observing the narcissist’s behavior.

They will dump shame and guilt into you , in order to avoid any accountability for their own treachery.

The narcissist will never be accountable for their own actions, mistakes, behaviors or for their own short-comings. Instead, they project their bad qualities onto you, in order to make your life miserable.

They will accuse you, and become paranoid about your intentions, in order to put you on the defensive.

While you are busy trying to convince the narcissist that you are not “up to” anything, they are getting away with whatever behaviors they want to. This includes accusing you, spying on you, isolating you, and making you feel like you live in a prison camp.

They want you to be too busy catching your breath that you don’t have time to see what they are doing to you. And they most certainly do not want you to ever know that their behavior is intentional, in order to distract you from seeing things in realistic perspective.

You do not deserve to be accused of things that don’t even fit your personality. This just shows you that the person does not really know you anyway.

Plus, there is a double standard at work here. While the narcissist becomes indignant and accusatory of you alleged intentions, they feel perfectly entitled to do all of the things they are accusing you of, and more.

It has nothing to do with you. You have done nothing wrong if you have done nothing wrong.

As silly as that sounds, the narcissist will actually make their victim feel guilty for things they are not doing wrong. They will twist reality around in the victim’s mind until they feel like they have done something to deserve the accusations.

Make no mistake. This kind of treatment is emotionally abusive. This kind of gaslighting is psychological abuse.

Any kind of gaslighting or psychological abuse is damaging to your well being in the long run. Even in short time periods, gaslighting can cause harm to you.

Abusive relationships can drag out much longer that outside observers can understand. One of the reasons is that the double standards, the gaslighting and the other psychological abuse can cause the victim to become imprisoned in a mental hell.

Recognizing this kind of abuse, and being able to put labels on it, can be a Step toward freedom.

The effects of psychological and emotional abuse can last long after the relationship has ended.

This can make you vulnerable to being targeted by another abuser.

Remember that all predators do not present themselves the same way initially. Learn the red flags of predators and how to identify abuse.

Realise your personal worth and know that you bring value to any relationship. This knowledge will help you to protect yourself from future predators and abusive personalities

Pinterest Mental Abuse Blog

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Visit and follow my Mental Abuse Pinterest Blog

 

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PTSD from Abuse

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Abuse causes PTSD in the victims. If you are having symptoms of depression, anxiety, trouble remembering things, flashbacks, and trouble getting on track with life after an abusive relationship,  then you probably have PTSD or C-PTSD. 

Years , or even months of abuse will cause physiological changes in the brain. For videos about PTSD from abuse, and C-PTSD see my YouTube channel HERE. 

PTSD from narcissistic abuse

If you Have Gotten Out, Stay Away from Your Abuser

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The Cost of Pleasing a Narcissist

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If you have to lose everything you love. just to please one person, then you cannot afford them.

The cost is too high!

If you have to give up your dreams for them….or your self esteem…they are not worth the cost.

You are special and you have innate value. If someone cannot see that, then you will end up losing too much just for one person. 

The cost is too high!

Let Go of What No Longer Serves You or Supports You

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image by Steven Aitchison

I saw this today and I thought it was really great. We need to let go of the things and the people that are bringing us down…keeping us from blossoming and reaching for our dreams. You can surround yourself with people who support you and do not ask you to change to suit them. 

Your dreams matter and you have been through enough pain. It is time to listen to that inner voice that is telling you what is best for you. Emotional pain is telling us not to go in certain directions…and to get away from certain people. 

Listen to your pain…and listen to your passion. No one has a right to crush your dreams. If you feel lead to do something, you should do it. 

Love and Peace,

Annie

gentlekindnesscoaching.com

Discount offered on coaching , if you mention this blog. Just go to the web site and send me a message from the Contact Page . You can have 15 dollars off of one month of coaching (regular price 75 dollars

 

 

Domestic Abuse Re-traumatization and Isolation

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Domestic abuse shatters your self esteem because you are treated in such an inhumam way. No…worse than that…you are treated worse than an animal.

Domestic violence and mental / emotional abuse take away your dignity and leave you feeling heavily weighted with shame. It is hard for people who have not been through abuse to understand the shame, and it is hard to explain to them.

The events which occur behind closed doors, in an abusive house, are dofficult to tell people about. If you try to tell them and they do not believe you, this can be very painful and re-traumatizing.

Because you cannot tolerate any more pain, you will likely give up after being re-traumatized a few times by people you thought would believe you.

Some of the events are harr for people to believe, particularly if they knew your abuser, and the abuser treated them completely differently than they treated you. Not only that, the abuser also treated you differently in front of other people, than they did when you were alone with them.

You will be accused of lying, mis-contruing events, having a bad memory, misunderstanding the abuser’s intentions and of being mentally unbalanced. People do not believe that you interpret, perceive or remember events and situations accurately.

The reason this is particularly painful, is that the abuser also accused you of the very same things, many times. They said they did not really “bump” into you that hard, you bruise easily, and that they have been very patient with your over-sensitivity.

They told you that you have a tendency to forget things, to mis-interpret things and even to be abusive to them and not think you were being abusive.

Your reality was has been so twisted around that it took a great effort to regain your faith in your own perception of reality. Even now, you may have the habit of questioning what you see and heat. But your gut tells you when something is wrong about how someone is treating you.

Sometimes the pain of being re-traumatized, minimized, disbelieved, and humiliated all over again can make you self-isolate. You may have cut off contact with people, or you just do not talk to people about anything personal.

There is a natural human need to connect with others. Feeling alone and isolated can extend the abuse. If you are still living with abuse, then you may be very isolated from other people.

Sometimes hearing your very own story, from someone else who is telling their story, can be surprising, because you feel like you are the only one. The abuser quite intentionally caused you to feel that you were very different from other people.

They intentionally isolated you, for a few reasons. They did not want you to have outside support or objective opinions. They wanted to be able to have full access to your brain, allowing keys to no one.

As you are beginning to read about the patterns, methods, and intentional techniques of the abuser, you will be surprised how they are all the same. That being said….these methods are extremely effective and soul raping.

The feeling of isolation, both during and after abuse can cause extreme depression and it can cause anxiety disorders. You can feel mentally and emotionally isolated in a room full of people.

As you continue on your journey towards healing, you will find your authentic self. You will slowly grow more balanced over time and be able to re-build your self confidence.

You are special and unique. The abuser targeted you because you were compassionate and understanding. These qualities are still a part of you and they make you an important and special person.