abuse, abusive relationships, aftermath of abuse, aftermath of narcissistic abuse, anti-social personality disorder, dating a narcissist, devaluation, domestic abuse, domestic violence, gaslighting, healing from narcissistic abuse, hoovering, narcissist, Narcissist psychopath, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic psychopath, narcopath, no contact, no contact from narcissist, overcoming narcissistic abuse, post traumatic stress disorder from domestic abuse . mental abuse, PTSD from domestic abuse, PTSD from mental abuse, red flags of a narcissist, tactics of the narcissist to manipulate, Uncategorized, victim of narcissist

Betrayal by the Narcissist

The aftermath of narcissistic abuse can be brutal…even worse than the abuse when you were in the relationship. If you are wondering why you seem to be in worse shape now, than when you were in the relationship, you are not alone.

The narcissist intentionally caused you to become addicted to your role, and your identity, that they made you accept. During the idealization phase they bombarded you constantly with messages and phone calls.

This was to intentionally alter your chemicals, in order to create an addictive bond with them. This is a very addictive bond, in which the brain and the body become dependent upon the dopamine release when you think about the narcissist, or hear their voice.

You were conditioned to crave this interaction, their approval, and their validation of your reality. Within a month or so, your brain began to be unable to regulate your stress level without the narcissist regulating them for you.

This is part of their design. The narcissistic psychopath  intentionally creates a chemical addiction in you. This makes their Silent Treatments, and dissapprovals , during the Devaluation phase that much more painful.

After all….is there any relationship you have ever bern in…other than with a narcissist or a psychopath…that caused you such high levels of toxic loneliness, feelings of emotional disregulation, and mental pain…..when you were apart from them for a few days….or did not hear from them for a few hours, when they had promised to call….

This is addiction. It has physiological evidence in your brain. You could see it, if you had an MRI machine handy. This is intentional and this is what the Love Bombing is all about.

It is also why they revert….although temporarlily…to the idealization phase….anytime they feel they are losing their hold on you. By reverting to the idealization phase temorarily, the narcissist confuses your brain as well as creating a chemical explosion in you.

Those feelings of having that adfiction satisfied come back, and for that…you will not….and cannot leave them. Your brain always craves that next fix of chemicals and the narcissist knows this.

They intentionally use this addiction to manipulate you. They hold a power over you, like no other person can.

And when the relationship ends, you go into a terrible withdrawal of these chemicals that you were trained to be addicted to.

You crash fast and hard. The symptoms are similar to that of any drug addict that has been cut off from their drug of choice. It is not your fault.

It is not your fault. It was done without your consent. You never asked for this. You never saw it coming. You never saw it happening to you.

The withdrawal from narcissist or a psychopath is terrifically painful, and grueling to go through. You are the most vulnerable during this stage of recovery, to be hoovered back in by the apologetic narcissist.

It is understandable why victims go back to the narcissist, if they attemt to hoover them bac. In within the first six months. The chemical addiction and withdrawal symptoms seem to have a painful hold on survivors of a narcissist, for 6 months or more.

So why does your life fall apart? It is like what any other addict experiences. All aspects of your life are affected….from your emotional and mental states, to your physical health and immune system.

Keeping up with daily living activities is very difficult. Going to work is difficult. You become sleep deprived from insomnia, because your brain cannot self regulate your nervous system.

You are not crazy. A person that told you they cared about you, intentionally messed up your brain. They would do it all over again if they got the chance….and they may try…

Being tortured by someone you loved…and probably still love….is the worst form of betrayal.

 

 

 

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abusive relationships, domestic abuse, emotional abuse, life, mental abuse, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, narcopath, Psychopath, psychopathic abuse, women abuse

Red Flags You Are with an Abusive Person

Here is a list of red flags that may help you to see early on that you are with an abusive personality. If you are seeing a few of these characteristics then you need to assert some boundaries with them and see how they react.

If they fight you about having simple personal boundaries then you need to realize that you may be in an abusive relationship. 

Tell them you have to go sleep early one night because you have a lot to do the next day. If they do not accept this, then there is a problem.

No one should give you guilt or shame you that you are not good to them, when you are doing simple basic things to take care of yourself.

It is not normal for someone to threaten to leave you or call you a bad girlfriend if you want to do things for yourself like take a class, do an extra assignment for school or work, or spend time with family or friends.

You should never feel manipulated by guilt, shame or fear. People that love you do not inflict fear or threats in order to get you to comply.

Here is a list that I have come up with from research and also from personal experience. There may be things that need to be added. Feel free to leave any ideas in the comments.

Keep in mind that narcissists are on their best behavior at the very beginning of the relationship, called the idealization phase.

Many of these red flags will not come up until the “honeymoon phase” is over in a couple of months. The best ones to look for early on are the ones that I put near to the top of this list.

Love Bombing and Pushing to be in a Serious Relationship Right Away

Constant texting, calling, stopping over (calls you the second you get out from work or during work/ calls you while you are trying to get ready for work/ calls you first thing on your day off and wants to be on the phone, texting, or see you all day on every day off you have / calls while you are out with friends and you told them you would be busy with friends/  texts you when you said you would be at the gym….never ending constant contact)

Angry or very upset when you do not respond to texts and voicemails right away

Never taking responsibility for their action – things are always someone else’s fault

Chameleon-like changeable personality – a different personality for different people and situations

They are always right and never make a mistake

They hate to be told they could have done something better or differently

Jealousy and Ownership of You

Isolating you from family and friends (discouraging you from spending time with them/  getting angry when you do/ saying that those people are interfering somehow in your relationship/ telling you that relatives that you have known for years are out to get you and you did not realize it)

They feel the Need to control your schedule

Never apologizes or does so in a sarcastic,  fake way

Need to know where you are at all times

Telling you what to wear and how to look

Control of the money ( you need to check with them before you spend your own money/  they question how you spend your money/ shame you or make you feel guilty over spending your money on yourself)

Criticism and disrespect  of women (this may not be directed at you at first  since they put on their mask and are on their best behavior during the idealization phase – observe how they treat other women who they have nothing to gain from)

Making you account for your whereabouts

Making you ask permission or clear your activities with them

Name calling and demeaning you

Complaining that the women at work do not treat him with respect / also treating employees or people that are performing a service for them (like a waitress, a hotel maid, a taxi driver) with disrespect and contempt

Excessive monitoring and making you check in all the time

Extreme sense of entitlement

Unrealistic, and unreasonable  demands

Lack of sympathy and empathy

Not interested in anyone else’s side of things

Accusing you of cheating when you are not

Blaming you for things that do not go his way

Excessive need for control in the house

Manipulating your friends and family to take their side in arguments

Getting angry if you have a different opinion than they do

Making you feel stupid and less intelligent than they are

Being disrespectful to you in front of your family and friends

abuse red flags, domestic abuse, domestic violence, life, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic abuse syndrome

Are Vampires Real? Do Abusive People Intentionally Destroy You?

Are vampires real?

Are creatures that live and thrive from sucking out the life force of other people actually living next to us in the world? 

Have any of us ever been physically intimate with a monster? Has anyone ever had their soul violated and their identity taken by a predator?

I believe that the monsters of the fairy tales are real. The creatures in the Brothers Grimm Fairy Tales are right out of real life. They are not supernatural. They are flesh and blood with insidious intent.

The reality that we want to live in is one where people are all basically concerned for each other. The reality that we want to live in is one where people want to be fair and no one will willingly take more from another person than they give. 

We once used to believe that if we were kind and compassionate to another person, that they would have some feeling of wanting to be fair with us. Some of us even believed that because we had the capability to be so forgiving and tolerant of others, that people would value us and think we were special.

We have had partners that were verbally cruel to us, and we forgave them when they said they were sorry. We believed them when they gave us excuses. Even worse…we let them convince us that we were actually abusive and hurtful to them.

How could a person knowingly and systematically lie and deceive us about ourselves?  Are there really people that would lie to us about how smart we are, how pretty we are, and how kind we are, in order to destroy our confidence?

If you are still reading this article then you have probably seen evil look you in the eyes. You have probably been  “emotionally raped”  by a partner that you loved, cared for, forgave, were patient with and kind with.

What is “emotional rape?” If that phrase is triggering emotions of horror in you, then you already know what I mean by emotional rape. 

What is physical rape?  Rape is when another person takes your body, without your consent and does what they want to do with it.  Even if you did not say “no” with your mouth,  you still could have been raped.

When a person is drunk or drugged and another person has sex with them, then this is rape. The reason that this is rape goes back to the definition of rape. Rape is when another person has sex with your body, when you did not consent to it.

What does consent mean and what constitutes consent?

Consenting to something involves you being clear minded, and that you understand what it is that you are agreeing to. If you are drugged by another person, then they can rape you because you are not in a clear thinking mind, to consent.

If someone lies to you about what they intend to do during sex, it can become rape when they overpower you during sex and force you to do things that you are refusing to do. When they overpower your body or your mind in order to force you yo do things that you do not want to do, they are raping you.

What is “emotional rape?”

Emotional rape is when someone takes your love, your good nature and your feelings for them and then proceeds to lie to you and destroy your identity. Emotional rape is brainwashing someone into falling in love, based on acting like they are a completely different person that they actually are.

The real life monsters pretend to be someone they are not.

They pretend that you are in a relationship with them, which really  does not exist. Emotional rapists suck out the inner most thoughts and feelings that you have and then use this information against you.

These real live monsters manipulate you into thinking that they are protecting you. They make you see enemies that are not really there. They make you believe you are weak and helpless without them. 

These real life monsters lure you in with deceit and malicious intention, planning to destroy you in the end.

They brainwash you into thinking that they are you soul mate and that if you trust them everything will be okay.

They brainwash you into believing that everything they say to you is true and that they are on your side.

Little by little they destroy your confidence and your self esteem.

They intentionally confuse your brain by changing your perception about yourself. The things that you once believed that you were good at are suddenly being questioned.

The strengths you once had are suddenly weaknesses. Your attempts at kindness and honesty are turned and twisted around, until you doubt your own intentions. You keep trying to do more and more for the monster to please him.

The monster convinces you that his needs are not being met.

The monster makes you feel that you are not trying hard enough to be good to him. This gives him the excuses he needs to act in any way that he sees fit. 

He can verbally assault you and physically hurt you, because you somehow deserve it. He can neglect you but make you wait by the phone for him. If you are not waiting for him 24 hours a day, then you do not really care about him and he might have to find someone else.

But if you need him…he can’t tolerate such demanding and needy behavior from you. You are selfish and consider yourself more that you consider him. Don’t you ever think about anyone but yourself?  

But while he in convincing you that you always think about yourself….he actually has trained you to NEVER think about yourself. 

You are so confused about the reality of what is happening that you do not realize that your entire life is now revolving around him.

For a minute or two you might think…oh, well I do give him a lot of my time but…

He really needs me…

He does not realize that I give him more time that he gives me…

He does not realize that I am neglecting my own needs for him…

He does not realize that I need things too…

He is just going through a hard time right now and I have to weather it out…

But the TRUTH is being kept from you !

The truth is that he does know. He knows that he is taking all of your time. He knows that this is hurting you. He knows that he is never there for you. He knows that you are lonely. 

He knows that you are confused about what he believes. He knows that you are getting weaker and that your self confidence and self esteem are being crushed down.

The vampires do this on purpose. They confuse you on purpose, by lying to you. They lie to you about how kind and good you are. They tell you that you are the monster that is taking advantage of them. The know and they lie.

It is in the lying that they keep their position of dominance. It is their lying that enables them to confuse your reality and manipulate you. They take things from you that you do not knowingly or willingly give over to a monster.

If you knew they were lying to you about your relationship, then you would not give them the things they are taking.

If you knew that they were already stalking out the next victim, while they were making future plans with you, then you would not keep doing everything they asked you to do. You would not keep bearing your intimate soul to them.

You bear your soul and your dreams to the monster. Then he takes all of it from you.

You share your intelligence., your wisdom, your kindness and compassion with the monster because you do not see that they are a monster. Then they lie and confuse you until you no longer think you are wise, intelligent or kind. You feel like the monster sees you as selfish and beneath them.

The monster always lies.

They know that you are intelligent and kind. They are fully aware that you are patient and tolerant of them. They do not appreciate it. They want to destroy you because of it.

They want to destroy you because you are good, well intentioned and caring. These are things that they will never be.

They tell you that they have all of these qualities that you have, but they know that they do not. They project their evil, selfish qualities onto you, but they know that it is them.

There are real vampires and they suck your soul,

Their actions are intentional and malicious. Stay away from them. Get away from them. Do not trust them and never think for a minute that they will ever change.

They have contempt for you because you are good.

Monsters want to destroy things that are good and suck the happiness out of people who are happy. They always win the game, unless you do not play.