abuse, abusive relationships, depression, domestic abuse, healing after narcissistic abuse, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, overcoming narcissistic abuse, people pleaser syndrome, Psychopath abusive relationship, PTSD from domestic abuse, PTSD from mental abuse, Uncategorized, wellness, women abuse

Your Compassion Matters

Every act of compassion matters. Each time you offer a kindness to another living being it matters.

Whether or not you feel that they appreciated your intention afterwords or not, does not change what your intention was.

Sometimes we are not aware of the motives of others, or what is going on in their heads. You may have had a relationship with someone for a long time, and then realized that they never felt the way you thought they did.

They may not have accepted your loving intentions in the way you wanted them to. Some people feel entitled to your service, and therefore cannot truly appreciate the caring intention behind things you did for them. This does not change what your intention was.

Just because the reality of someone is different than your own does not change the power of your personal meaning for acts of compassion and kindness towards them.

Kindness can be shown to random strangers or even people who you never see. You may have held the door for a mom who was struggling with babies and bags at the store. Your small kindness may have affected her mood in a way that it was passed into her…and then she passed the kindness energy along to someone in her home.

You do not always see the domino effect of your good heart.

It is true that sometimes people will turn on you when you least expect it. You may feel that this negates every kindness you ever showed them. But this is not true.

Kindness and compassion are poweful energies. They exist in spite of people who cannot accept or appreciate their pure essence.

This is not to say that you should allow people to walk over you. It is not to encourage you to go out of your way for manipulative people. Not at all.

It is just let you know that your intentions always matter. They have a far more reaching effect than the particular person or situation.

Generating loving intentions towards others sends these intentions out into the energy fields all around you. You can send positive energies to someone sitting near you on the bus, and never speak a word to them.

The energy of intention takes on a life of its own. If you are empathic at all, then you can feel when someone near you is projecting bad energy like anger or evil intention. It is felt in your gut or other places in the body.

The people around you feel and receive the intentions you create. You can self generate compassion and kindness. It can be sent tosomeone else with a gentle touch on the shoulder, or just by making eye contact.

Studies have been able to prove that there are magnetic fields of energy that are projected out from each individual person.

In fact this is true for all living things. That is why you can feel certain kinds of grounding energies when you are in nature.

Trees and plants give off magnetic energy fields. Human magnetic energy fields extend at least 3 to 6 feet in all directions, based on scientific research and studies.

Paying attention to your gut feelings can protect you from people sending malicious energies. It can also guide you toward people that create positive intention and project that compassion outward for others to feel and access.

Some people are energy vampires. You feel drained of energy after spending time with them.

Others are generous with their beautiful strengthening energies. Humans can transmit feelings of  empathy, excitement, acceptance and many other loving energy fields.

Any act of kindness or positive intention you have done or will do, matters. Anytime you project compassion, it has an effect on the collective consciousness of living things.

Even if it turns out that you could not connect with someone in the way you wanted to or expected to, your positive intentions were still sent out to other living beings around you.

Try to surround yourself with loving, supportive people that accept your beautiful pure energies.

Even if someone has let you down in the past, you can still connect with caring people.

Your intentions matter, although you cannot change people who do not want to change. Everyone will not see you for who you are.

Everyone will not be receptive to healing energies, empathy or kindness. Some people just want to see how much they can manipulate you. Try to learn how to identify these kinds of people, so you can minimize contact with them.

The higher your consciousness level, the more truth you will see about the energy fields being projected by others.

Low consciousness levels will attract other people in similar consciousness levels.

Abuse and trauma can sometimes bring your consciousness level down, and affect what kinds of energy you are projecting.

Be careful to assess your psychological and spiritual state, before interacting with others.

Strengthen your ability to self generate states you want to be in.

Awareness of your intuition, gut feelings and energy sensations in your body will help you to self generate specific states.

All of your compassionate intentions have mattered and will continue to matter.

Even intentions that you sent out to people undeserving of those intentions, are not lost. The effect on the energetic dimension was still there, even if the person you were trying to care for had ulterior  motives.

People may try to drain your energies because they can control a drained person easier than someone filled with excitement and purpose.

You can build energy projection skills. You can practice self generating moods and states of being. The better you become at these skills, the more powerful you will be.



Join me on facebook 

 Add your email to the emailing list for the web site Gentlekindnesscoaching

domestic abuse, gaslighting, life, mental health, mental illness, narcissist, women's issues

Spotting a Narcissist by Inconsistencies do

Narcissists have inconsistent things about them.  If what they tell you about their past, does not seem to make sense with their current behavior, then pay attention. If how they describe people taking advantage of them, seems inconsistent with their ability to dominate in situations, then pay attention.

Do not believe only what someone tells you about situations that you never saw. Look at how they actually act when you are together. Things should match and make sense together.

Why do some of us go from one narcissist and end up with another one? The first one had certain red flags and those red flags were presented in their unique personality style. We meet someone who has a different personality, different interests, and a different approach with us.

Yes! We think. I have now found someone completely different than my past abuser. This person is not the same person, so they must be safe. They must be better.

Do not confuse personality with a mental disorder. Everyone has a unique background and a unique set of personality characteristics. We want to believe that we could not possibly have run into, and been targeted by another narcissist.

Narcissists do not target just anyone. They target people who are compassionate, reliable, selfless and kind. They also target people who have something to offer that they can use. Something that they want.

Just because someone has a different personality, and is interested in different aspects of you, does not mean they are not a narcissist. It is tricky to tell right away, but if you are vulnerable then you need to go slow and be careful.

The earliest signs that you will see may not have to do so much with them being abusive to you, as clues from them about past relationships. Ask them about their past. A narcissist will often tell you how people have mistreated them in the past.

They have been misunderstood and mistreated by others. People have taken advantage of them and not done right by them. Their past wives and girlfriends all were at fault about the relationship ending. Somehow they ended up with women who injured them. (remember you are not hearing the other side of the story)

Look for how they talk about women in their lives, past, and present. It may not come out right away but pay attention to how they talk about the women at work , on tv, from their past and right in front of you.

Here is a really big one.  What do they say about how other women speak of them?  The narcissistic men that I have known told me that their ex girlfriend expected too much from them. The girlfriends were unreasonable and demanding. The women left them in anger and were mean to them. (remember this is one side of the story)

Their past women were strong and dominating in the relationship. The poor guy was trying his best but it was never good enough for her. She used to complain about everything. He was never good enough for her.  She was a cheating, deceiving , liar.

Sometimes these perceptions are really how they saw things. They eventually get very jealous and think that someone is cheating on them, even if they are not.  Of course. women do cheat and this alone is not enough to know anything. But if it is combined with other things that do not make sense together, then you should be careful.

This guy who claims that he let these women walk all over him, should not be a dominating person. If this same guy who told you that all of his past girlfriends walked all over him, acts dominating in social situations and demands his way, then you see an inconsistency.

See how he is in a restaurant when the food is wrong. H9w does he deal with the waitress? See how he acts when the hotel reservation was messed up and they have no non-smoking room. How does he react?

Situations where people make mistakes, are good ones to keep an eye on. When the narcissist does not get what he asked for, he will have trouble working it out in a normal, reasonable way. He will get angry, demanding, critical, or sarcastic to the person who made the mistake. Or he will say things to you, behind the person’s back.

If a mistake is made by a worker, when you are on a date, see how the guy responds to mistakes, in regards to you. Do they pay attention to how the situation is making you feel? Do they make a scene and tell you that they are doing it “for you”?

When you say “No. It’s okay, I really don’t mind sitting here, I am hungry and I would rather eat here than wait for another table.” Do they make a big fuss and embarrass you , in spite of you asking them not to do that, and then tell you “I am doing this for you, honey. I want this date to be perfect for you.”

This is confusing, because they seem to be considering your feelings. You think they are trying to fix the situation for you. But you just told them what you would prefer and they completely disregarded your feelings. They continued to embarrass you anyway, in the name of “doing it for your own good.”

They will take up the entire time you have together, making a scene and demanding for things to be done right. Then they will complain about it for the rest of the date.

“This date is ruined now. It is not the perfect date I wanted for you.” But you tell them that there is still more time left to the date and you would like to have quality time with them. Why don’t they just let it go?

But no, they did not get their way. They do not value the time with you over having things go their way. They are so upset about what has happened that they just can’t get over it enough to pay attention to your feelings. Anytime things do not go exactly their way, they can think of nothing else.

This is so confusing because they will tell you that they wanted things to be just right for you. But “just right for you” would have been having the trouble pass away early and then forgetting about it , so that you could enjoy the rest of your time together.

These are a few things that I can think of. Pay attention to how much they are really focused on themselves. See what happens when they do not get their way. How do they react when you tell them how you feel about the fact that all of this is interfering with your comfort.

You want to be with someone who will work things out with you, in a reasonable and fair way. Yes, they can send their food back, politely. They can ask for a window table, if they want that. But here is the problem. The narcissist will tell you that YOU want the window table. You will see when you get there, that it is better.

You can tell them that you do not mind a different table. They will tell you that it does matter. They are doing this for you. Then you have to wait through the scene and 45 minutes to eat. You really did not mind another table and you would have rather had them paying attention to you and not completely ignoring you, while they “fix” things for you.

They do not think that you know what you want, or they are not willing to do what you want. They will not discuss it with you. If they are indignant about not getting their way, then those feelings will override them communicating with you about the situation. You will have no say about it.

They are the man and they are handling it, despite how you feel. Now, is this the same guy that told you that his ex was dominating over him all the time? Did he tell you how she always had to get her way and did not consider how he felt?

How can this person who is now clearly dominating the entire situation over top of you, have been so dominated and abused by his ex?

This is the combination that comes up as a red flag.

When mention that you do not see that he feels walked over top of by you, then he will say, “Oh but you are different. ”   “I feel safe with you.”   “You respect me.”    “You are a real lady.”    or something like that.

It is the contradictions that seem confusing that you will see your red flags. Normal men are consistent about their behavior. The narcissist will seem one way when he talks about his past and completely different right in front of you.

Everyone takes advantage of them and dominates them. But when you see them, they are more than capable of getting their way. They are intolerant of compromising at all.

Good luck. I wish I had known about these things to look for in my last relationship. He seemed so sweet and I thought he just needed to be with someone who would be considerate of his feelings, because all the other women were so abusive to him.

In the end, I was emotionally crushed and broken. But I ignored the times at the hotel when the reservation was wrong and all of a sudden, it was like I did not exist. The only thing that mattered was that he got his way.

He was actually wrong to begin with and had made the reservation wrong.  Even when this became clear, he was still angry with the person in front of us. He still stayed mad for hours after it had been rectified.

No matter what I said about the time together being important to me, he would calm down to just be together. He was still holding anger about not getting his way.